Is 43 too old for a baby

my_gorgeous_ellie-belle

i agree that noone really wants to deal with a teenager at 50+ let alone any age, but when it is your own child they are never a burden as you think they'll be - after all they are your child and even if they are an asbsolute pain in the butt you'll still love them no matter what, and they'll love you...and soon grow up!

i say if you are both in 'that place' in your lives then go for it sooner rather than later....there are years of preperation for dealing with a teenager, they don't just turn into a naughty teenager overnight.

Just make sure that you are willing to give a loving home and they'll turn ot fine. As someone else rightly said, many of our closest companions in life are not blood related (only my brother is blood-related to me of all of the important people in my life, apart from my own children now) don't worry that they'll have no other immediate family to begin with.

my_gorgeous_ellie-belle

I grew up for many years in care and one of the families i were with, my foster mum was nearing 50. But i tell you she was fab, really had the effort and time for children. I loved her to bits and had i not been pulled out of the care system carelessly by social workers i would have stayed with her probably until i grew up and left home.

I equally went to live with another foster family (when social workers finally realised i was better off back in care after a few more years of abuse) where my foster mum was 38 and foster dad 34, both worked other jobs as well as being foster parents, they were lovely too - they are who i now think of as my family even though through my own fault i don't keep in touch with them as much as i should .

My only point being is my older foster mum was at home full time, she spent an awful lot of time with us kids doing things and seemed to have an awful lot of patience and a really calm nature probably due to life experience. My younger foster mum reminds me of many other working mums, fab but sometimes gets a little too stressed out. I wouldn't change either one of them though as my younger foster mum was very 'in touch' with things which meant i was able to be really close with her throughout my teenage years...she pushed me in some good directions and i love her to bits.

I think it is dependant on your own situation and whether you can deal with a child - if you are healthy in yourselves have plenty of love to give then why not, kids are never really angry at their parents for being 'too old' they accept you for you, as they should do.

Aliss08

Molly 41 - I'm a little shocked by your post especially the patronising "remember children are for life" sentence. Yes in an ideal world everybody that wanted children would have them in their 20s/30s having already met their ideal partner. You were obviously very lucky to have been able to have your four children when it suited you but don't forget others aren't that lucky. Do you even realise how fortunate you have been or have you just taken it all for granted?

I'm not a selfish person. I've been a carer most of my life and that's the reason I haven't been able to have children yet. I put my own life on hold for years because that is the sort of person I am and I put others before me rightly or wrongly.

Today I saw a very young mother with a screaming baby which she duly ignored as she was busy talking on her mobile phone, when she eventually paid some attention to the child it was only to tell it to "shut the f*** up". I can assure you that any child I was lucky enough to have would never be exposed to such language, it would be loved and cherished. I actually felt sorry for that small baby today. Now tell me that someone older who dearly wants a child wouldn't make a better parent that the young mother I witnessed today. I know who I would rather have as a parent.

Can't see a problem with garden centres either actually. My friend's little daughter just loves gardening and begs every week to be taken to the garden centre to see all the beautiful plants.

Not sure if you are currently a midwife but I pray to god that I don't get one like you should I be lucky enough to give birth.

galvanizersbaby

Aliss08 wrote: »

Molly 41 - I'm a little shocked by your post especially the patronising "remember children are for life" sentence. Yes in an ideal world everybody that wanted children would have them in their 20s/30s having already met their ideal partner. You were obviously very lucky to have been able to have your four children when it suited you but don't forget others aren't that lucky. Do you even realise how fortunate you have been or have you just taken it all for granted?

I'm not a selfish person. I've been a carer most of my life and that's the reason I haven't been able to have children yet. I put my own life on hold for years because that is the sort of person I am and I put others before me rightly or wrongly.

Today I saw a very young mother with a screaming baby which she duly ignored as she was busy talking on her mobile phone, when she eventually paid some attention to the child it was only to tell it to "shut the f*** up". I can assure you that any child I was lucky enough to have would never be exposed to such language, it would be loved and cherished. I actually felt sorry for that small baby today. Now tell me that someone older who dearly wants a child wouldn't make a better parent that the young mother I witnessed today. I know who I would rather have as a parent.

Can't see a problem with garden centres either actually. My friend's little daughter just loves gardening and begs every week to be taken to the garden centre to see all the beautiful plants.

Not sure if you are currently a midwife but I pray to god that I don't get one like you should I be lucky enough to give birth.

Yes, I agree I found this comment a little patronising :rolleyes:
I don't for one minute believe that one size fits all with parenting
I think what is right for one person may not fit for another and in an ideal world we would all have our children at the 'ideal 25-30 age'? but people that do not do this may have many valid reasons.

I agree that the main priority should be having the love to offer and the time to spend with a child (regardless of age)

I can see where Molly41 was coming from in some ways as my ex husband had older parents and says that he didn't have many happy childhood memories (he was the youngest of 4 and there was a 10 year age gap between himself and his sister) and I think he spent much of his childhood with elderly parents that could not perhaps give him the outlets/activities he needed as a young boy.
That's not to say that if his parents had been younger things would have been any different for him though? - I think it very much depends on the different people involved rather than just the age factor.

Glen0000

Aliss08 wrote: »

Today I saw a very young mother with a screaming baby which she duly ignored as she was busy talking on her mobile phone, when she eventually paid some attention to the child it was only to tell it to "shut the f*** up". I can assure you that any child I was lucky enough to have would never be exposed to such language, it would be loved and cherished. I actually felt sorry for that small baby today. Now tell me that someone older who dearly wants a child wouldn't make a better parent that the young mother I witnessed today. I know who I would rather have as a parent.
.

Yes that is wrong. Swearing is never right BUT until you have felt the pressure of a screaming child it is hard to imagine the frustration that it can cause.

I hate non parents who would say I would never shout and always be loving and even tempered. Being on call 24/7 is not easy and it is not like the Pampers advert.

Just because you want a child will not make it easy. Have you ever looked after a small child?

ameliarate

I don't think it is right when older people have children but I don't really think 43 is crossing the line.
50+ and I think both men and women are too old really and I don't think it is fair on the child.

It is hard when you don't have support and if, god forbid something should happen to you both you need to think carefully about who will look after your child, presumably you have friends who you could ask?

It's actually nice to hear about someone thinking carefully about the pros and cons of having a child instead of bleating on about their rights and selfishly not thinking about the reality for the child.

Perhaps you should think about having two children so they have each other?

Aliss08

I didn't say I would never shout and remain even tempered but I know I would never use such language on a small baby. I know all about being on call 24/7 although not for a small child and I do realise that having a child won't be easy even if it is much wanted.

Glen0000

Aliss08 wrote: »

I didn't say I would never shout and remain even tempered but I know I would never use such language on a small baby. I know all about being on call 24/7 although not for a small child and I do realise that having a child won't be easy even if it is much wanted.

Have you ever looked after a small child? Had a 2 yr old in your home for 5 or 6 hours?

Aliss08

Yes I've looked after friends children. Have you ever looked after a person with advanced dementia who is also blind, deaf, unable to walk, talk or swallow?

Glen0000

Aliss08 wrote: »

Yes I've looked after friends children. Have you ever looked after a person with advanced dementia who is also blind, deaf, unable to walk, talk or swallow?

No as my parents are really young still. I wont have to face that till I am well in my 50s/60s, by then my family will be all grown up. Why would you yourself inflict aging parents on a 20 something as you know what it has done to your own life?

You seem pretty defensive. You will have to put up with A LOT of flak if you have a kid at 43, even from your own child. You need to think about chilling out a bit.