Is 43 too old for a baby

Pee

I am 35 and trying, and my boyfriend is mid fifties.

I don't think 43 is too old to have a baby. The truth is that none of us can predict the future and when we might die and young men are at a very high risk of death with motorbike accidents etc yet I wouldn't suggest it would be irresponsible for a young man to be a father. It's a statistic or a likelihood not a fact or a certainty.

It may be that it will be harder for me to conceive now than it would have been when I was younger, but I do know that until i was 30, I was not able to look after someone else and until I was 33 or 34 was not in the right place in a relationship. (I've been with my boyfriend for 3 and a half years, but at the beginning I didn't know that this would be a stable relationship.)

I think that i have reached a point careerwise where it is possible for me to work part time and for me not to feel that I am missing out on salary increases and promotion. I have done some travelling and spent time getting to know myself and what my abilities are. I have learnt that I am not superwoman and I might need to ask for help sometimes.

Biologically women are able to have children very young and just because I would have been a poor mother at 17 - basically the age I would have been had I conceived a child when I lost my virginity - does not mean that another person would be.

Metranil_Vavin

How long have you been trying for Pee, if you don't mind me asking?

Pee

Hard to know, as we discussed it and then I came off the pill. We weren't really trying for a little while. I only have one ovary, so knew it wouldn't be straightforward. That must be eighteen months or maybe a little longer ago. I've had some tests and they said that I am ovulating, but not the month that I had the tests done.

Since then, my boyfriend has had some work issues - self employed builder - and so we haven't been trying as hard as we might if things were better. (It's better now, but for a while he took it very badly and didn't feel like erm... trying!)

Welsh_Poppy

I am baised as a 44 year old woman trying to concieve on my second marriage with a son from first when I was 19........We would badly like a baby we went through paying privatley for a vasectamony reversal but would have regretted it if we had not tried......6 months down line still no baby and time running out but will give it our best shot...i think as most people seem to find the LOTL late on in life this is common we have back up and a loving family and what we both want.......had LL TESTS AND BOTH OF US ARE WORKING FINE IN THAT DEPARTMENT......oops

Spendless

When contraception wasn't available women had children until their middle-ish 40's. Husband's hobby is researching family trees and we have found this down every line we have looked into.

I would say it's down to your own personal choice. It MAY take you longer to conceive, you may have a higher risk or problems, doesn't mean you WILL. I had mine at 33 and 36. I didn't meet my husband until I was 30 so children before this wasn't an option.
If you live in an area where the majority of women have children young, you might be the oldest there, but not ness so. The mums in the playground at my kids primarys range in age from mid 20's to mid 40's.

clairehi

Molly41 wrote: »

Hi,
Im a midwife by trade and more women are getting pregnant later for various reasons - many of them selfish!
From a professional perspective older women have a higher risk of pregnancy complications and a much higher risk of congenital abnormality. They also have increased difficulty conceiving because obviously fertility in men and women decreases as they get older. We are "biologically" set to have children in in our twenties/ early thirties.
From a personal perspective - i was the only child of "elderly" parents and felt it dreadfully. My parents were Old and they were not trendy or interested in my culture especially as a teenager. As they were older they were very tired and I never went anywhere exciting. I spent a lot of my childhood looking at garden centres. I was desperately lonely and remember praying to God for a baby brother and sister which of course never happened because they had left it too late. I have struggled all the way through as now I have very elderly parents and four kids and Im not well. I could really do with some support and help from them but they cant and really have not been able to help me for years. My kids have mised having active grandparents who have good health to enjoy them and be interested. I missed a generation with my parents and obviously I love them dearly but I would have had things different for my childhood and indeed I did. I had my children at 22, 23, 25 and 26 and its the BEST thing Ive ever done. I made a concious decision that I did not want for children what I expereinced. I have one thing to say to you...remember children are for life not for christmas. Think carefully about what you are letting yourself in for. Just because you are older does not mean you are wiser!!

Molly

I think you make some really good and well informed points here and your point of view is clearly based on experience rather than conjecture.

nottslass_2

Molly41 wrote: »

Hi,
Im a midwife by trade and more women are getting pregnant later for various reasons - many of them selfish!
From a professional perspective older women have a higher risk of pregnancy complications and a much higher risk of congenital abnormality. They also have increased difficulty conceiving because obviously fertility in men and women decreases as they get older. We are "biologically" set to have children in in our twenties/ early thirties.
From a personal perspective - i was the only child of "elderly" parents and felt it dreadfully. My parents were Old and they were not trendy or interested in my culture especially as a teenager. As they were older they were very tired and I never went anywhere exciting. I spent a lot of my childhood looking at garden centres. I was desperately lonely and remember praying to God for a baby brother and sister which of course never happened because they had left it too late. I have struggled all the way through as now I have very elderly parents and four kids and Im not well. I could really do with some support and help from them but they cant and really have not been able to help me for years. My kids have mised having active grandparents who have good health to enjoy them and be interested. I missed a generation with my parents and obviously I love them dearly but I would have had things different for my childhood and indeed I did. I had my children at 22, 23, 25 and 26 and its the BEST thing Ive ever done. I made a concious decision that I did not want for children what I expereinced. I have one thing to say to you...remember children are for life not for christmas. Think carefully about what you are letting yourself in for. Just because you are older does not mean you are wiser!!

Molly

clairehi wrote: »

I think you make some really good and well informed points here and your point of view is clearly based on experience rather than conjecture.

I think that the views on this thread just goes to prove what is right for one isn't right for another and I really don't think anybody has a right to suggest that somebody is selfish for the way they've planned their family.

I for instance, would never suggest that Molly was selfish for her having 4 children in quick succession,resulting in 4 under fives - Given the experience of a friend who planned her children this way,this would personally be the last way I'd choose to plan my family.

Personally I prefer to have (much) larger age gaps between my children - even if it does mean I'll be considered an "older Mother" when I give birth to no3 !

Metranil_Vavin

Pah..just done an early response test (4 days before period due) and it's negative:(

Spendless

Metranil_Vavin wrote: »

Pah..just done an early response test (4 days before period due) and it's negative:(

I once had 5 negative results as my period was late (taken over space of a couple of weeks). She's 6 years old.;)

coco1980

i had my little boy at 19 and when i was in the hospital there was a lady older than you having her 1st. she had waited until she was financially stable and could give up work to look after her baby, something I couldn't do as I was also single mother so I say go for it xx