Is 43 too old for a baby

Molly41

Crikey - I hope you're never my midwife with attitudes like that!
It's attitudes like yours that push women towards independent midwives.
(I've heard awful stories about women being told they are 'not allowed' a homebirth for no reason other than they are 'too old')

I wanted to respond to this point. Im very pro homebirth and you are insulting my professionality. I have been a midwife at hundreds of homebirths in a safe and caring way but I would never undertake a homebirth with a woman if she was high risk for the obvious reason that it might put her or her baby at risk. Now without a doubt women who are older are at increased risk - it cannot be denied.

Molly

fernliebee

Molly41 wrote: »

Crikey - I hope you're never my midwife with attitudes like that!
It's attitudes like yours that push women towards independent midwives.
(I've heard awful stories about women being told they are 'not allowed' a homebirth for no reason other than they are 'too old')

I wanted to respond to this point. Im very pro homebirth and you are insulting my professionality. I have been a midwife at hundreds of homebirths in a safe and caring way but I would never undertake a homebirth with a woman if she was high risk for the obvious reason that it might put her or her baby at risk. Now without a doubt women who are older are at increased risk - it cannot be denied.

Molly

Drat! Thanked you rather than quoted you!

I just wanted to say that you make out that a woman is high risk just because of age, and that is not correct, as any independent midwife would agree. Higher risk, yes, but not automatically High risk. Each woman should be looked at as an individual and age is just one category. I'm not saying you are wrong, just that your wording makes it sound much worse than the reality. I find language like that so dis-empowering to women, and agree that this is part of the reason why so many people turn to independent midwives as they are not swayed by the views and constraints of the NHS.

liam8282

nottslass wrote: »

Everybody who has children does it for their own selfish reasons !!!

I have 2 children, and I considered the children before my own selfish reasons before having them.

I would certainly expect anybody that has children, to put their child's needs before their own.

I have noticed a lot of negative comments on this thread about what I originally posted, but the OP did ask for unbiased opinions, be they positive or negative.

I have also noticed that a lot of comments where people support people having children later in life, also have negative views on younger women having children. Very hypocritical don't you think?

I did say everybody's circumstances were different, but personally I believe 40 plus is too old to think about having a child, btw, I also think that younger than 20 is too young.

Another reason that you could bring into this topic are: what about when your child decides to have children, are your grandchildren going to miss out on having grandparents?

Having a child just because you "want" one, is no good reason to be having a child in the first place.

I would also like to mention the comments about looking after other peoples children, this is completely different than looking after your own children, because at the end of the day you can always give the child back to their parents.

robin_banks

Mrs B had first at 41 ans 2nd at 43.

Metranil_Vavin

Well if 'wanting a child' isn't a good reason, then..umm...what is a good reason for having them??

my_gorgeous_ellie-belle

I think having kids at 35-45 (as long as you are physically healthy and stable and in the 'right time in your own life') then you have had a chance to build a nest egg, usually have stable finances and so on so stability is a fabulous thing to be able to offer a child.

I also think that having kids young (i was 20 when my daughter was born, i'm 24 now and pregnant with second) means you'll get your life back in some sense and will be able to enjoy those years between 45-60 while others have to be raising children. Me and OH will be just 40 when our eldest turns 20 and we'll be 44 when our second reaches 20. Hopefully they'll both be in Uni or setting up their own home and life by then which means we'll have time to travel and see the world...the only thing we really feel like we have missed out on by having kids young. It sounds selfish but it isn't really as we are giving our children the best we can and we love them dearly and will be there for them for as long as we live, even when they have flown the nest.

There are pros and cons at whatever age you chose, it's just what is right for you - if it's ends up an 'accident' (i hate that term) then you just learn to deal with it and make the best of whatever comes up. Most people are quite adaptable so alot of the points that are coming up really don't matter.

Many people don't have grandparents or other extended family and they turn out just fine. We are adaptable beings...i don't have a mum, haven't since a baby. It hasn't been detrimental to me, i still got on with life as i knew no better. Oh by the way i don't have grandparents either - one side i've never met and the other side died when i was very very young, not through old age at all might i add but from cancer and smoking.

liam8282

Metranil_Vavin wrote: »

Well if 'wanting a child' isn't a good reason, then..umm...what is a good reason for having them??

I thought it was pretty obvious what I meant when you read my previous comments.

My view is that some of these older women "want" a baby because they have done everything else and a baby is either the next thing on their list to do, it is something they don't already have, all their friends have got kids, they want to have a baby before there time runs out, the list goes on.... Most of those could be said for young mums too.

As I said before, it should be what is best for the child, not just what the parent wants.

Did anybody watch that programme that was recently on tv about "older" women wanting babies, there was a women in her 70's from the UK wanting an egg donor to try and have a baby, it is just crazy.

liam8282

If the OP only posted for reassurance or to make themselves feel better about their decision, then why ask for other peoples opinions on the subject in the first place?

I agree with a lot of the points made, both in favour and against, especially my_gorgeous_ellie-belle last comment, but it doesn't change what I think about the subject.

At the end of the day it is all down to personal opinion, but I believe that if the OP didn't have doubts that she was too old in the first place, then she would not be posting on here looking for reassurance from complete strangers.

Metranil_Vavin

liam8282 wrote: »

I thought it was pretty obvious what I meant when you read my previous comments.

My view is that some of these older women "want" a baby because they have done everything else and a baby is either the next thing on their list to do, it is something they don't already have, all their friends have got kids, they want to have a baby before there time runs out, the list goes on.... Most of those could be said for young mums too.

As I said before, it should be what is best for the child, not just what the parent wants.

Did anybody watch that programme that was recently on tv about "older" women wanting babies, there was a women in her 70's from the UK wanting an egg donor to try and have a baby, it is just crazy.

Well quite that is 'your view' and you are entitled to it, but even if a woman has waited until she is in her late 30's/early 40's before she feels ready, for whatever reason, then I cant see what the problem is.

So what if they feel their time is running out? What consitutes the 'right' reasons for wanting to have a baby?

Obviously having kids in your 50's/60's etc is a different matter, but I'd rather have a mother in her 70's and has been fantastic, than a mother in her 50's that hasn't!

my_gorgeous_ellie-belle

Liam8282 - i do know what you mean, it should be your own decisions as potential parents and no-one elses...if you want kids go for it, you shoudn't really have doubts in a situation like this.

I think maybe the OP has it set in her own mind what she wants but realises there is alot of bad press about women wanting children late on and has asked opinions not realising the BIG differnces of opinions out there (which are all valid opinions).

I have had a very different life to many, but i love me and how i have turned out albeit without parents and grandparent. I also think in a weird way i am kind of lucky in the fact my daughter was unplanned - probably not so careful as i was i was with a guy for years and we both knew we'd spend our lives together, otherwise had i had left it to chosing when to have kids i would have had a tough time weighing up 'is it the right time yet?', i had a carear plan, wanted to own a home, a car and have a good nest egg before hand but it didn't happen like that. My daughter is loved dearly, our second child is now planned as we feel even without owning our own property or car, etc that we are ready as a family to have another. You make the best of whatever situation you end up in, at least i think so. That's what truly makes a good parent in my opinion, learning to deal with whatever is thrown at you in life