Daughter stealing....

jellyhead

How was today at school?

My sister was stealing at that age. We're close in age (less than a year) and I never stole, so I don't think it's anything you're doing wrong with parenting. 12 is a difficult age.

distaught

Hi,

Had a chat with my daughter when she got home, she said her friend had indeed told quite a few others and the friend has also been told not to talk to her for a while (not sure what that means). We had another discussion about how awful it was and did she realise. I asked if she was perhaps jealous and did the friend get a lot of pocket money, she said yes in a way that indicated, too right, she gets loads of money, kind of thing, not that that is in any way a justification, but I can see the temptation a bit.

Anyway.... I told her she would be doing lots of jobs to 'earn' the money back, so tonight she polished some windows, tomorrow she is cutting the grass and washing the car. I've taken her mobile phone off her and she knows she is grounded for a long time.

I feel better about it today, still shocked beyond belief about it all, but calmer overall.

Thank you all so much xx

oh, also in a few months when she's moving further into my good books, I will start giving her regular pocket money and open a bank account for her, so she can learn to budget and spend accordingly.

ailuro2

Sound like friend she stole from has been told by her parents she is forbidden from talking to your daughter?

tandraig

well done distaught - I really think you have handled this so well!!!:T I suspected that her motives were complex but mainly because she wanted the latest musthaves to fit in and the opportunity was there - and she thought her friend wouldnt miss the money!
I think the 'punishment' is fair and so is the opportunity to earn extra money to pay you back right.
she has had enough punishment from the consequences of her actions and from her friend plus the party she will miss! If you had gone overboard there is a danger she could have felt hard done by and lost faith in you. as it is you have shown your love for her without shielding her from the consequences of her actions.
i think you struck the right balance there and hope that in a few weeks this will all have blown over!

tandraig

I would like to share a story tho - when DS1 was eleven he and a couple of his friends were nicking car badges (apparently it was considered cool to wear one) and selling them to other kids at school. of course the police took this seriously and came round to talk to the other parents and myself. for the first and only time i slapped my sons face - total overreaction I know - but my dad had died that afternoon suddenly from a heart attack. I just could not believe he had stolen as he was my 'good' boy. DS2 was always in trouble - with me not the law!!! I did apologise to my son but the damage was done. he never forgot it (or forgave it) for years afterward! even now he says i was an abusive mum - in jest really but i suspect it still rankles with him.

distaught

isn't it just the hardest job in the world... being a parent?

InaPickle

tandraig wrote: »

I would like to share a story tho - when DS1 was eleven he and a couple of his friends were nicking car badges (apparently it was considered cool to wear one) and selling them to other kids at school. of course the police took this seriously and came round to talk to the other parents and myself. for the first and only time i slapped my sons face - total overreaction I know - but my dad had died that afternoon suddenly from a heart attack.

OMG! Don't worry about that - my mother would have murdered me for stealing - I imagine that's why I never stole anything! :eek: And if he moaned about it later only serves to prove the point that he never forgot it. (Not suggesting that people should be hit all the time, but that if you only truly loose your temper every now and again, that they don't forget it in a hurry!) If that's the worst he's had to deal with, then he can count himself lucky: imagine all the children out there who get worse for a lot less! :rolleyes:

InaPickle

I just read what I put last time and when I read the whole thread at one and realised that it was more my last reaction to what another poster said, and not so much a reaction to the OP, as that particular point was freshest in my mind after reading all the threads at one. It seems to me that distaught had done a great job dealing with the initial aftermath of what happened with her DD, and I realised that I took the thread off at a bit of a tangent and wanted to say best of luck to distaught with the situation: please come back and let us know what's happened since - if I ever have kids, I would like to know how to deal with such a situation in case I ever have to do so. x

esmf73

distaught wrote: »

isn't it just the hardest job in the world... being a parent?

Distaught,

You sound like you're doing a great job and I'd just like to say that if there were more parents like you who put the time and effort into raising their children then perhaps the children would behave better.

I say this as a Mum of two young boys who often wonders what they will turn out like. Children don't come with manuals, it is relatively easy to get pregnant but a true test of character, commitment and PATIENCE :mad: in order to bring up a well rounded child.

Well done you. :beer::T:j

bestpud

distaught wrote: »

isn't it just the hardest job in the world... being a parent?

Yep, isn't it ever!

Most rewarding too though, thankfully!