Daughter stealing....

Oldernotwiser

Stephb1986 wrote: »

I think your forgetting she is only 12, fair enough if she was a bit older but when your a kid you do stupid things we all do and did, are you telling me you never did anything stupid when you was a kid??

I did things that were wrong and I was punished for them.

Why should theft be labelled "stupid" and "a mistake" when a child of 12 does it and criminal when an adult does?

slummymummyof3

I must admit, we do similar to you rather than a regular weekly amount, but reflecting on your post perhaps that would prevent a similar situation occuring.

Incidentally, your DD1, if she is absent for whatever reason from college, won't receive her EMA that week (even for an authorised absence)

WASHER

Pocket money is a good idea, it helps children to budget etc, I give my 12 year old £15 per month into her bank account by Standing order, with this she tops her phone up and buys a few accessories. She must do all her homework and help around the house otherwise I lower the amount.

Oldernotwiser

distaught wrote: »

Thanks again to all.
I agree it was far more than a 'mistake', but I want to do the right thing regarding discipline and punishment, as I know it's a very tricky age and if I react the wrong way, it could have serious consequences, ie her deciding to run away etc etc.....

I have decided to have a jar in the kitchen that I will put money in, whenever I ask her to do a chore and it will remain there until the money is repaid, so the jar being there will be a reminder to her of the seriousness of the situation. I said to her, she was very lucky they didn't call the police, that frightened her.

Still amazed that she thought no one would notice! I suppose that's her age. I am really disgusted with her though and here was me having a conversation with my elder daughter earlier, saying how lucky I was that my 2 girls had turned out to be such pleasant and well behaved kids!

I think that you've handled things well so far but I don't think that paying the money back should be seen as the punishment. Could you not ground her for a period until she can prove that she can be trusted to visit friends' houses again?

Oldernotwiser

distaught wrote: »

Her sister recently started getting EMA of £30 a week, which we have all talked about what a massive amount that is for any child, so I would imagine she has been quite envious of that, although it never occurred to me at the time....

It's not such a large amount for a young person of 16 as it would be for a child of 12, particularly as I imagine she's spending much of it on the sort of educational expenses that you will be paying for the 12 year old.

WASHER

distaught wrote: »

, she knows she is grounded for the forseeable and that she has to earn the money back to repay me,

Oldernotwiser, grounding has been mentioned by the OP in a different post.

distaught

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

It's not such a large amount for a young person of 16 as it would be for a child of 12, particularly as I imagine she's spending much of it on the sort of educational expenses that you will be paying for the 12 year old.

I suppose I just see it as a huge amount for a child of that age, as I was working a whole week fulltime at 16 for less than that (YTS!)

WASHER

distaught wrote: »

I suppose I just see it as a huge amount for a child of that age, as I was working a whole week fulltime at 16 for less than that (YTS!)

Me too, I think I earned £28.50 per week for a full 39 hour week. 74p an hour:eek:

Oldernotwiser

WASHER wrote: »

Oldernotwiser, grounding has been mentioned by the OP in a different post.

Apologies; I missed that!

Oldernotwiser

distaught wrote: »

I suppose I just see it as a huge amount for a child of that age, as I was working a whole week fulltime at 16 for less than that (YTS!)

But she's working for a whole week, full time, at college!