Daughter stealing....

distaught

WASHER wrote: »

Me too, I think I earned £28.50 per week for a full 39 hour week. 74p an hour:eek:

£27.30 a week I got. Kids just have far too much these days and they want more and more and more....

distaught

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

But she's working for a whole week, full time, at college!

I know what you're saying... she's just at 6th form anyway, same school as before. I just still find it an amazing amount of money, all she's done so far is buy DVD's and books (for entertainment, not educational)!

slummymummyof3

Many students do not see it as it is.....'educational maintainence allowance' and see it as purely pocket money. They do not understand that it is there to assist with buying text books, help with travelling costs to their educational establishment etc, and see it as a god given right. I am not insinuating that is how your DD1 sees it because you sound as if you have your head screwed on!

If you think of it in terms as what people received back in the late 80's equivalent to payment for YTS, I think it was £28.50 in the first year and then £32 in the second year (correct me if I am wrong with my figures) then it is not keeping up with inflation and the general cost of living. However, at leat with YTS, parents' were not penalised for earning over a certain amount and all YTS trainees received payment.

lolababy

Hi I had a similar situation when my son stole money from his friends money box. He was a bit younger than your daughter but it was still a shock. I made him say sorry to the boy and his mother and he paid the money back out of his own pocket money.
He never made the mistake again as the saying sorry and promise of a police visit if he did it again, did the trick. I would have taken him to the police station if he ever stole again and he knew I meant it.
In saying all of that I left it at that and did not bring it up again as everyone makes mistakes and as long as you learn from them then that should be the end of it.

tsimehC

All my EMA money went on travel, lunch and stationary. YTS may have been linked to inflation but did it have £100 attendance bonuses?

Mrs_Ryan

I got a grant when I was at college, about £200 a term which sounds a lot, but bear in mind I wasnt allowed to have any sort of paid part time job and I went to college in the next county, and my travel pass was about £50 a month which didnt leave much.

bestpud

FWIW, I would punish her in some way as well as make her pay it back.

I saw my son (at about that age) looking to steal a chocolate bar from a shop once - he didn't know I could see him as I was outside using the cash machine and I doubted what I was seeing initially - no parent likes to think their child would do something like this so you're not alone there, but I knew as soon as he came out that I'd been right. He hadn't actually stolen anything or I'd have made him take it back and his one saving grace was he looked so guilty in the act I knew he wasn't a seasoned shop lifter!

Anyway, I said to a teacher about it, as he'd told me previously his friend was stealing on the way to and from school, and they got a CSO in to talk to him. It frightened him half to death; so much so, they called me to come and get him - he was distraught by it.

I still grounded him though! And, as far as I am aware, he never did it again...

I'm not sure why you are so concerned about her running away? I can see your logic but it's not the first thing that would strike me for a child in your dd's situation.

It's important she knows you love her no matter what, but try not to be too afraid of coming down hard on her when need be. I think society encourages us to believe our children are all fragile beings and at risk of going off the rails if we hurt their feelings etc, but most respect you more for taking a stand (even if they don't admit it until they are much older).

That said, I think it sad the other parents have said she is not welcome ever again though and I kind of hope they will revise that decision at some point in the future (if they remain friends). It would be awkward for your dd to visit now anyway, I think, and that awkwardness may have taught her a lot! Their house, their rules though I guess! It's not what I'd have done, personally.

[Deleted User]

this only came to light because the parents became detectives and the 12 year old is only sorry now because she was caught. How on earth would you expect the parents to TRUST this 12 year old in their house again. At 12 I knew right from wrong, no excuses. soft footing around will not teach her the valuable lesson that is needed and her classmates do need to know, who knows what else has been disappearing

Its a hard lesson but she will quickly learn that actions have consequences and that includes losing the trust of her friends

jess1974

I hate to say this op but i don't think your daughter will be welcome round anyones house for a while, this will spread round the school like wildfire and other parents will be very wary of having her over...

I agree with the comment above from Kittie, what if she had'nt been caught? would she still be stealing?

I think this needs to be nipped in the bud pronto, i have a 12 year old boy, i would march him down to the police station if he ever did anything like this...

viktory

Dancing_Shoes wrote: »

I don't have much advice but advise that both you and the other girls parents put it into perspective she is only 12:(

I would definately advise that you pay the other girls parents back the entire sum of money. I would also ask them to speak to their daughter and ask for this matter to remain private as you will be dealing with what has happened and why. I would then concentrate on finding out why your daughter did this and work with her if she has issues. I would dish out some form of punishment (i.e chores) for her to do to make up the money that you have to spend. Personally I think it is a bit harsh for them to "ban" her from the house but understand that they may feel they cannot trust her.
Have you got any family/friends you could talk to for advice?

Of course it's not harsh! She has been stealing from them on a regular basis. God above! And I am sorry to say, but there is not a hope in hell that her friend will keep this quiet.