what should I do - advice please

Amber_Sunshine

So her problems are entirely of her own making. Stick to your guns, and stop being the family mug/bank! You will NOT do your sister any favours by continuing to bail her out, and if your family's affection and approval is dependent on you writing cheques, then they are nothing but users. You are risking your own finances and potentially your relationship. Is it really worth it?

jackie_w wrote: »

Gosh so many more replies. Thank you everyone, I could really do with you all following me about when I next see my family and also answering my phone for me. My mum has phoned me a couple of times today and ive purposefully ignored her calls.

Someone had said that my dad would benefit from the tv too, but my mum and dad arent together, so, he would (believe it or not) look to be getting a new tv from me if I bought my mum one (yes playground tactics I know, but thats the way he is).

someone also asked what my sister did with all her money, well, you should see her house. OMG what a palace, she has absoluely gorgeous things, but boy did she get into trouble with all the debt she took on. her and her Dh split up, he moved out, she just about managed to get the mortgage in her name, then he said he wasnt paying any of the bills, so she was left with it all, and had to enter into a trust deed. I tried at the time to get her to come onto this site and she didnt. i tried to get her to join pigsback and quidco etc, but, she said that she wasnt wasting time doing that!!!!!!!

There is just no talking to her. Oh and by the way, she is still treating her daughter to the pictures and a lunch in pizza hut on Friday!!!!!!

She hasnt learned her lesson with regards to money, when shes allowed to get credit again, i really do think she will run up all the debt again. My mum has even said that too.

Ive still stuck to my guns and I havent given her any money for the shower, and Im not going to. ive told my Dh about the bike, and he said to me I have to stop somewhere, and hes right, so it stops right now.
He even said to me (and I never thought of this before, and he is so right), she hasnt saved any money for Christmas, so that will probably be the next thing, where she will ask me to get Christmas presents on my Argos card for her daughter. Watch this space, I will be so surprised if she doesnt.

Jackie xx

jellyhead

it's difficult because you don't want to fall out too much because you love your neice - and also you don't want your sister to stop paying that £10 a week!

your sis obviously learned her money skills from your mum, if she needs you to be the adult and keep her TV savings for her. perhaps you could offer to sit down with them and write out a budget, including putting aside savings for christmas!

does your sis look on ebay? just wondered if she would know how much things sold for? i think you should ask for the £50 off her ex towards the bike to be given to you in a lump sum, after all it is towards the bike which you paid for ... and keep the rest of it to replace your mum's savings! or pay towards the rest of the bike ... or keep for when she asks you to buy the christmas presents ...

zaksmum

jellyhead wrote: »

it's difficult because you don't want to fall out too much because you love your neice - and also you don't want your sister to stop paying that £10 a week!

your sis obviously learned her money skills from your mum, if she needs you to be the adult and keep her TV savings for her. perhaps you could offer to sit down with them and write out a budget, including putting aside savings for christmas!

does your sis look on ebay? just wondered if she would know how much things sold for? i think you should ask for the £50 off her ex towards the bike to be given to you in a lump sum, after all it is towards the bike which you paid for ... and keep the rest of it to replace your mum's savings! or pay towards the rest of the bike ... or keep for when she asks you to buy the christmas presents ...

If it was me, I would write the £10 a week off, and view it as a money saving exercise. That £10 a week lost will save you much more in the long run. Tell her to shove her tenner and there's no more where that came from. Otherwise you're letting her exchange every £10 she gives you for about four times that amount in "cashback" from you!!!

January20

jackie_w wrote: »

Im good with my money. I didnt used to be, I had to learn the hard way.

.

So why can't your sister learn the hard way too? Not only are you allowing her not to take responsibity for her own life, but what are you teaching her daughter at the same time? That's it's ok to scrounge.

As for saying no and standing up to people even family, it's not easy and you may feel guilty but once you've told people exactly that you will not give your sister any money, they will have to accept it. The first time will be the worst and you shouldn't worry about what they think of you. They can give her their money instead.

As for your mum's tv money, it's her money, her choice.

jellyhead

My sister borrows off me, well she uses my credit card but repays in full each time when the statement comes. she doesn't have a credit card of her own. When my husband was threatened with redundancy he said no more, we need our credit card empty in case we need it ourselves so he refused to let my sister use the card when her car was off the road.

I got my mum to lend her the money instead. Your parents really should be sorting out your sister, not you. what about your dad, does he have a job? can he bail your sister out?

I felt bad saying no to my sis, but less guilty because it was my husband saying no rather than me, if that makes sense?

jellyhead

January20 wrote: »

As for your mum's tv money, it's her money, her choice.

Absolutely! Your sister doesn't need a penny of that TV money - she can use the £50 off her ex to buy the shower, she doesn't NEED any extra, and you should tell that to your mum. if she wants to give her money to your sister so she can buy the best and most expensive then that's a decision the two of them are making, but it's nothing to do with you because your sister doesn't need a single penny!