what should I do - advice please

jackie_w

Thanks again for the replies.

Paddysmum im not in a mess. I didnt want to give her the loan of the £1000 but basically my mum and my sister was making me feel bad because they were saying if she didnt get the £1000 to protect the trust deed then there was a good chance my sister would lose her house when the trust deed finished, and if she loses her house who is she going to come and stay with.....me.
Although I dont want to give her money it still makes me feel bad if I dont give it to her because its not as if im scrimping and scraping and my sister knows this. yes you are right, it isnt about the money cos im asking if I am being selfish by not giving her more money to buy a shower, cos she has made me feel like im being selfish.

yes I do feel bad about not telling my husband about the bike but my sister was sitting crying because she couldnt afford to buy her a bike for her daughters birthday, and again I felt bad.

The reason I wont get away with giving her the shower for her Christmas is because I will end up being moaned at by the rest of my family and they will make me out the bad one. They all know my sister owes me money but they wont see it like that. So even though they know she owes me money and they know she keeps asking, they will think it terrible if I get her a shower for her and her daughters Christmas.

I told my sister this morning I wont be getting her the shower, so she has gone and asked my mum for it, and she has said yes, so, theres my mums new tv up in the air, and now again, I feel bad cos if I gave her the money for the shower, my mum would still have her £150 which she saved up for her tv.

BeenieCat

Sorry but that's your mum's problem. Sister will continue to sponge til someone says no, and as she's just proven, she'll just move onto the next mug who will say yes!

zippychick

jackie_w wrote: »

Thanks again for the replies.

Paddysmum im not in a mess. I didnt want to give her the loan of the £1000 but basically my mum and my sister was making me feel bad because they were saying if she didnt get the £1000 to protect the trust deed then there was a good chance my sister would lose her house when the trust deed finished, and if she loses her house who is she going to come and stay with.....me.
Although I dont want to give her money it still makes me feel bad if I dont give it to her because its not as if im scrimping and scraping and my sister knows this. yes you are right, it isnt about the money cos im asking if I am being selfish by not giving her more money to buy a shower, cos she has made me feel like im being selfish.

yes I do feel bad about not telling my husband about the bike but my sister was sitting crying because she couldnt afford to buy her a bike for her daughters birthday, and again I felt bad.

The reason I wont get away with giving her the shower for her Christmas is because I will end up being moaned at by the rest of my family and they will make me out the bad one. They all know my sister owes me money but they wont see it like that. So even though they know she owes me money and they know she keeps asking, they will think it terrible if I get her a shower for her and her daughters Christmas.

I told my sister this morning I wont be getting her the shower, so she has gone and asked my mum for it, and she has said yes, so, theres my mums new tv up in the air, and now again, I feel bad cos if I gave her the money for the shower, my mum would still have her £150 which she saved up for her tv.

Two words chick - Emotional blackmail.

SandC

jackie you have to stop feeling bad. Does your sister actually understand the Argos card is a credit card and not some card you just buy argos stuff off interest free?

Now she's got the money for the shower she wants, who is going to get rid of the old one and fit the new one?

Are you seriously well off or just good with your money? If you want, you could sit down and explain to the others in the family that it doesn't grow on trees.

How about to make yourself feel better you treat your mum to a new telly at Xmas?

jackie_w

SandC wrote: »

jackie you have to stop feeling bad. Does your sister actually understand the Argos card is a credit card and not some card you just buy argos stuff off interest free?

Now she's got the money for the shower she wants, who is going to get rid of the old one and fit the new one?

Are you seriously well off or just good with your money? If you want, you could sit down and explain to the others in the family that it doesn't grow on trees.

How about to make yourself feel better you treat your mum to a new telly at Xmas?

Im good with my money. I didnt used to be, I had to learn the hard way.

My sister knows how the Argos card works, cos she had one before.

Ive got no idea who she is going to get to fit it. Probably my dads friend will fit it for her, but it will be my dad who will pay for him to fit it.

The tv my mum was saving up for costs £600 (she has always had a small tv so wanted to save for a new one). I was going to give my mum some money to put towards it for her Christmas, but I cant afford to pay the full amount because if I did that I would need to give the same amount of money to my dad (or he would moan), and my Dh would say that we would need to spend that same amount on his mum and dad which is fair enough I see his point.

As someone says, its my mums problem now cos she has given my sister the money, HOWEVER ive just received a text from my sister saying "cos you havent gotten me the shower ive had to get money from mum so now she wont get her new tv for ages".

Yes it is emotional blackmail.

maggied_2

As someone says, its my mums problem now cos she has given my sister the money, HOWEVER ive just received a text from my sister saying "cos you havent gotten me the shower ive had to get money from mum so now she wont get her new tv for ages".

Yes it is emotional blackmail.[/QUOTE]


WHAT????:eek::eek::eek:

I would be fuming at this! Have you thought of sending a message back saying it's not you spending your mum's savings but her.

Cheeky mare!

SandC

Your mum and dad sound just as bad - why is it the hard working one seems to get all the grief? How sad that if you treated your mum to a telly your dad would moan. I can understand it from your husband's point of view I suppose.

You are just going to have to let this one go and wait for it to die down - then buy Xmas presents of equal value for everyone. You have your hubby for moral support. Be strong! Please don't let them make you feel bad.

Bogof_Babe

Sounds like you're viewed as the Bank of Jackie. Can't believe your dad would kick off if you don't spend the same on him as you do for your mum :eek:. Don't they share the telly? Are the rest of your family grown-ups?

Is your sister on benefits? Is she in rented accommodation? If so (a) she might be able to get a crisis loan for the shower, and/or (b) the landlord should pay for a repair or replacement.

She is taking the proverbial, and will do so as long as you let her.

paddy's_mum

All this feeling bad - a great heap of unhappiness ... and just what is giving in to your sister and your mother gaining you? Peace? An end to the demands? Gratitude?

I'd bet money that your husband hates the way that the three of you go on between yourselves but can't cope with the tears and protests if he tries to balk you all.

There is only one way to deal with blackmailers and I have no doubt whatever that you know perfectly well what that is. The real problem seems to be that you prefer to pay out to gain a quiet life. The trouble is that your system isn't working, is it?

I wish you luck sorting out these two women who are (apparently) in cahoots in putting unfair and unloving pressure upon both you and your own family.

Wicked_witch

I don't have any advice I'm afraid, but wanted to say I feel for you. It sounds as though some members of your family equate money with love- ie, if you spend less on one than another you must love that person less! I doubt if this is a mindset you can change single handed :-(

I hope you can get support from your DH and like-minded friends, because if you do decide to tackle this head on i think you will need it! But just for the record you are absolutely NOT being selfish, mean or uncaring :-)