Don't know what to do for the best...

rjc73

we did agree last night that whatever happened we wouldn't stay together for the children as we both agree this is so damaging for the kids.

I can see that he is desperate to make our relationship 'better' but I know I cannot forgive his unfaithfulness and the sheer lack of respect it shows towards both me and the kids.

He also apparently has been unhappy for 5 years!!! Oh, and also...he" didn't want to do it".....

I actually think I could have coped with a bit of bi-curious !!!!!! but the fact he didn't think about the whole user name issue is mind-boggling still.

rjc73

Thank you everyone who has posted on this thread, it has really helped to write it down and thanks so much for all the hugs!!!
I might not be able to post much over the next couple of days as I can't get on the pc much when he is home but will update as and when I can.

Tom1234

No offence intended to you at all here but you need some time, and some space to decide what you want to do about this. It's not fair of your OH to expect you to be ok with something of this magnitude straight away, and he needs to respect that it may take you some time to decide what you need from him.

Personally, if this happened to me, I'd be asking him to take himself out of the picture for at least a few days - a week, to give you time to think.

The excuses about 'being unhappy for 5 years' or you 'being the ice queen' are just that. Excuses. God knows we all make thsoe kind of excuses to ourselves when we're doing something we shouldn't. How often have you thought 'well, they did it to me first' as you said something nasty back to someone who was rude? It's a natural reaction for him to lash out to try and defend his actions, especially if he is feeling guilty about it. That few days space will give you both a chance to calm down and have a think.

Whatever you do, do not let him pressure you into 'just getting on with things for the sake of the kids' or something else equally silly. You both need to sort these issues before you can move on (whether that be together, or apart).

Tia_24

I've just found this thread and like so many others couldnt read and run. You've been through a very distressing time lately and you're obviously trying to deal with the situation with dignity, which is the best thing you could do for your children. Thoughts are with you at this time.

Greener_Grass

I'm so sorry for you. What horrible person he sounds. I can't imagine what it must be like to find out all these things about the man you love!!

There seems to be a new one of these threads on here everyday now, its so sad, men are pigs.

I hope whatever happens you will do whatevers best for you and your kids

daska

how dare he blame you, they were his choices!

sod the giving him a second chance, you were his second chance and he's behaved exactly as he did with his first wife - the chances are that if you don't kick him out now you'll get another opportunity pretty soon or he'll move on to wifey number 3...

Money_maker

daska wrote: »

how dare he blame you, they were his choices!

sod the giving him a second chance, you were his second chance and he's behaved exactly as he did with his first wife - the chances are that if you don't kick him out now you'll get another opportunity pretty soon or he'll move on to wifey number 3...

I agree. Maybe he'll make things 'better' for a little while.

Until the next time.

Where does it stop

MrsE_2

Minxy_Bella wrote: »

Firstly, you are NOT an ice queen. If he'd been nice to you, then you wouldn't have shut him out of your life. My ex used to call me frigid when I didn't want to have sex with him (or be in the same room as him) when he'd come in the early hours, steaming drunk, waking up the entire household. Honestly, some of these men live on a different planet!

I agree with this.

I thought I was frigid with my first husband, he told me I was, I couldn't bear sex.

I've discovered it was him, not men. I just couldn't stomach sex with him.

DH & I have been together 17 years, not frigid.

If you think you are frigid or a man tells you, you are. Its my guess you are with the wrong man.

OP, you are a saint, but don't let this poor excuse destroy you:grouphug:

rachel6188

no advice just massive hugs sounds like a tough situation. take care of yourself xxx

iolanthe07

men are pigs.

Hang on a minute. Not all of us are, and women have been known to behave badly too, you know.