How to make friends?

Lyger

I can relate to this also. I flew the nest 3 years ago to get a job, and I live in Cambridge now - 3 hours away from all my old friends and family. For about the first year, I was trying to break into the cliques at my first job in Cambridge. Then I started dating one of the guys in one of the cliques - and he later cheated on me. So, it was like 2 years of effort to try and get a social circle around me, or some friends around me, was totally wasted - as they all cut contact as soon as I found out about the cheating (yes, they apparently knew he was cheating all along. /sigh).

I'm long back on my feet from that now, I have a new boyfriend down here (who I met on an online computer game), which does help, but I admit I miss the company of a close friend. I get on with my work colleagues, but many of them are at a different stage in life to me (i.e. starting families, etc). I'm 26, no kids, etc. I think the placement students at work see me as too old to hang out with - though I keep inviting them to a pub quiz night! I managed to keep one friend from my days in my first job here, though we don't get to meet up at the pub quiz as much as we used to - I'm now lucky to get a pub quiz night out once a month!

I just don't get it. Looking back on when I was growing up, I was surrounded by people I considered close friends. I'm sure it didn't used to be this hard.

Nenen, I'm in Cambridge to! I'd be up for meeting up.

Kandipandi

I love this thread - however I’m in the camp of people that don’t want any friends.

I have one close friend who I met through work many years ago and we still work together and visit each others homes etc. (she was my bridesmaid) I have a very small family (Mum and Brother) and work colleagues but no friends, and that suits me just fine.

My best friend is my husband and we have been married a while now, but I prefer to be in his company than anyone else's. I think part of it is that I am re-married and I don't see my kids for 2 days each week (when they are at their dads) so the 5 days I do have them I want to spend every single moment with them, and quite often 'friend' things happen at weekends - drinks out/cinema/theatre/shopping - when I have my kids.

That is why I have never established any friendships as I can’t give anything back and if I was to go out for an afternoon I often feel that I have wasted an afternoon with my DH and Kids.

I know it probably sounds mad to some of you and my family have said that If anything happened between my and my DH then I would be lonely, but I think that I will cross that bridge when I come to it.

BARGAINHUNTER!

Right - I have bitten the bullet and posted an ad on the meet a mum board at netmums. Im not that old (I had my two teenagers young) and most of the women on there are similar age to me but have younger kids, so we will see! Ill keep you posted as to how I get on. Fingers crossed!

Its heart warming to hear that I am not alone and that there are lots more of you in the same situation. Keep posting, and hopefully we can reassure each other and maybe even offer each other some tips!

MrsAnnie

Best of luck BARGINHUNTER! :T

Little_Leita

I am much the same. I'm a thirty-something, what you would describe as 'bubbly' and have a good social life. I do find that people I socialise with want to take friendship further, but I tend to back away these days. I don't have a best friend, and the good friends I do have, I go way, way back with. I dont see them very often nowadays, but I know they are there if I need them (and vice versa).

I think the bottom line is that people always seem to disappoint me! I have found too many times over the years that someone you considered to be a 'friend' has been !!!!!ing about you behind your back and spilling your secrets. On the upside, I can now spot a 'snake' a mile off - my gut instinct never lets me down!

I really hate girlie shopping trips too (shopping is a reall passion of mine but I consider it a one woman sport - I hate waiting around while people faff about!!). As much as I love my nights out, I really love time alone too and I do wonder sometimes whether my being an only child has a bearing on how I tend to handle friendships?

xxvickixx

So glad it's not just me. I moved to the other side of the country from where I grew up 10 years ago and found it very hard to make good friends. I had a few work colleagues etc but none that I could call on in a crisis. I did make some through work and the good ones I am still in contact with (only 2) but most of my good friends I have made in the last 2 years since having my son. It's amazing how easy it is to get into a conversation with other mums with babies the same age as yours. I made sure I went to the same groups each week so I was a familiar face. I also made a a couple of really good friends through volunteer work. It's so nice to know that it's not just me that struggled!

Tartanmax

Good for you Bargain hunter!! :T:T

Let us know how you get on.

thrifty_sue

well done bargainhunter! Hope you make some lovely friends :beer:

divorcingjack

ooohhh! Me too!

I was going to post this morning before work, but I've come back and it's another page already.

I'm in Scotland, so any other Scottish ladies (and gents of course!) who'd be interested in exchanging PM's/meeting up I'd love to hear from you.

I don't have any children (yet), late 20's and all my uni friends have moved away. I feel very much like all the people I know are friends/family of my OH and while they are lovely, none of them are people I would run to in an emergency. I'd love to have mates that I could have an independent night out/laugh/coffee with.

Looking forward to seeing how this thread goes

PS: deedee71 I checked out that meetup link - looks brill! The East lothian book club might be fun .. bellydancing and all. Thanks for letting me know about it.

coffeeholic_2

Hiya, this thread really struck a chord with me. I feel same way as most of you who have posted on here.

I'm 30 and I don't have any close friends that I see on a regular basis as I moved away to be with my OH. He has a social phobia so we very rarely go out and we have no children. The only people I speak to on a regular basis are my fella, his parents and my parents. I work from home as well so I don't get to see work colleagues very much.

I've made myself sound like a bit of a hermit now! My free time is precious as I work mad hours sometimes but would love to spend time with some new faces. The friends I had 10 years ago have either moved away, or for one reason or another we have lost contact.

The thought of knowing I have to get out there and make the first move is absolutely terrifying as I am a naturally shy person. Some interesting links on these posts that I am definitely going to look at though, its good to know that it isn't just me feeling like this.