How to make friends?

gill_hc

Don't want to hijack this but I was accused of being part of a cliquey group of mums which shocked me at first but I suppose we are. It doesn't mean that we are excluding people deliberately you just have things to discuss (gymnastics class pick ups or how OH is feeling with flu etc etc) and we also have the same age kids. In terms of becoming good friends with mums with small kids I honestly don't think you really will. My life totally revolves around them and school and after school activities and its also a major effort involving baby sitting etc to get to the cinema - its not a just lets go easy kind of thing.

At the aerobics classes would it be worth having another look around and seeing if there are any people standing on their own at the back ? I think its natural to try to bond with the most confident chatty people but the quiet ones may get missed. Also a really good class that my gym do is called boxing fit - its proper boxing with pads and gloves so you have a partner and you really do talk to a lot of people in it. A lot of people from this class go for a drink afterwards (I can't cause I have to get home for kids!) which would be ideal. Don't worry you don't need to hit them hard and it is so much more sociable that the aerobics type ones where you only talk before and after the class.

For some of the other posts if you have kids at school the best way I found to make friends was the PTA. Its really scary to go at first but you can tell yourself its for your kids then it helps. By the time you've manned a stall at the xmas fayre, helped at an afternoon tea etc you really do make friends with the other people doing it.

hope this helps - I was in exactly the same position a few years ago when I left work after having DD1 - no family, no real friends and work "friends" all talking about who is going out with who, weekends away and the latest films etc when you are up to your eyes in nappies it made me feel worse. Spent many many days sitting in the house crying in front of daytime telly. But by volunteering for loads of things like playgroup running, PTA, nursery committee and joining the classes at the gym I really have now built up a group of good friends and it even if you don't it stops you being so bored at home .

Sorry this ended up so long but I do really feel for you.

DeeDee74

i can so relate with all of you.. when i moved to wales 14 years ago i knew noone, i had so many friends before i moved i was seriously bored out of my mind having noone to chat to pop round and see go shopping with and that.
oh had lot's of friends at work so couldnt understand how i felt. the boy's used to pop around and that was good just to have different convo and most are really nice it's just not same as having girly friends.. anyway i started talking to some of his friends wifes and gf, most had kids like me so we found we had things in common and when the men went off doing there thing we used to meet up take kids out, or just have coffee .

school is a fab place to meet new friends when your kids are younger. get ds or dd to invite there friends to tea or sleep over's that way you have excuse to get chatting to the parents.
i used to go on all the school trips and weekly swimming lessons thay always need parents help. ive met lot's of fab mum's doing that and even some of the teacher's .
ds and dd are in high school now and i miss that..

good luck all it is hard but there is other people the same...
anyone in wales?
(cardiff)

deedee71

I'm the same....me marriage ended 3 1/2 years ago and I lost every "friend" I thought I had. Since then I've made one friend. I work full time and don't even get to the school gates anymore for a chat.

I've recently joined meetup.com and certainly in Glasgow which is about 1/2 hour from me there are loads of groups. In saying that, I haven't swapped phone numbers with anyone yet...again its the moving it forward from acquantaince that is hard. But at least I have some social life!


So, anyone in Scotland in the same boat, I promise I'm not weird lol.

funky_snow

Ok this may not be the same for everyone - but here's my point of view on the difficulties of making friends...

Firstly - are you subconsciously coming across as a bit needy when you meet people because you so want to have a circle of friends. That can come across particularly when someone has nothing else in their life. A good way to make friends is through having a shared interest but it needs to be a genuine interest.

For example I love photography but its a really solitary pastime. But through finding a photography forum I've started to meet up with people. At the moment there is no friendship with these folks which is fine - I love learning about new techniques and opportunities for taking photos. Over time if that bunch if people stays the same we may become friends but if not - I'm still having a positive experience - learning lots of new stuff. Plus when I meet other people - e.g. on the bus I have something interesting to talk about!!!

One of my current friends I met while flying a kite - how random! Usually its just guys that fly powerkites where I live so when I saw another girl we just got chatting and its evolved. Theres no pressure to be a best friend but its nice to catch up with her every couple of weeks. Plus through her I went to my first ever foreign language film...

So moral of the story - I don't have a 'best friend' but I have friends I can call on, and enough interests to not feel bored or sad that I don't have a 'best friend'.

lipglossbutterfly

miss_edith wrote: »

I'm the same too, not had any close friends since I was at school and am now only in touch with one of them. My boyfriend and mum are my only friends now.



I'm in Shropshire too...... it must be a lonely county! :rotfl:

I've pm'd you!

miamoo

Another reason I found it difficult making friends when the kids were at primary, was I suffered really badly from blushing, which I know sounds silly, but it was so embarrasing I just avoided people.
I have it under controll now, but I've avoided people for that long I dont know how to make friends anymore!

Sexy_Legs

Hi everyone

I am quite lucky in that I have some very close friends, but these friendships have been built over a long period of time.

We currently live in Middlesex area. My Husband wants us to re-locate to Berkshire area which is where he is from originally, and the making friends thing is somethings that concerns me as well. I would still be able to see my close friends as it would be just over an hour in the car.

I know some of my husbands friends and partner and they are very nice, but want to have my own friends as well, if that makes sense.

Tartanmax

Hello all,

This thread really struck a cord with me, I'm 26 (almost) and just over a year ago i moved to the other end of the country to be with my OH and so far I really don't know anyone other than my OH family. (I have no kids either)
I've always been a really shy person ( online i'm much more confident) so i do find it really hard just to say hello to someone never mind getting to the actual friends stage.
I'm a good person and for the friends i have had i have been a good friend too.. although it is true as you get older you realise you are better off with no friends rather than rubbish ones!

It may well be the first time i'm saying this out loud but i'm lonely.. ( that really does make me sound sad lol)

I don't know where to start.

Nenen

Thanks for a very brave and honest post. I can empathize too! I had lots of friends when my children were little but gradually as the children grew older we all started getting jobs and as working mums just didn't have/make the time to keep friendships going. Lots of families moved away and we lost touch in the frantic juggling of modern life! I am now suffering 'empty nest' syndrome (youngest just left home to go to university) and this, combined with a recent house move, means I need to find a way to make new friends. I have a demanding job and find it very difficult to motivate myself to go out and join clubs/activities etc. If anyone is in the Cambridge area and wants to meet up I'd be delighted to.

Big_Alf

Was in the same boat too, for around the last 15 years had lots of acquaintances, but no one I was ever really good friends with (though I suppose its different for blokes :rotfl:)

I think the main thing here is differentiating between 'making' and 'meeting' friends.

Making a friendship to me implies that one person is generally working harder than the other at it, which isn't a healthy relationship in my opinion.

Meeting a friend however seems to be a lot more of a natural progression. You put lots of effort into the relationship but you also get it back in return. Its almost as if they are predisposed to being a close friend. They are probably out there at the moment just waiting to be met so don't give up

I recently moved to a new place where I knew no one and have been fortunate to meet some of the closest friends I have ever had, who have gone above and beyond what I have ever experienced before, especially having only known me over a few months. Guess I was just lucky to be in the right place at the right time.

As has been echoed, try not to sound too needy or desperate for friendship, but also please don't be desperate to join a clique. These sort of groups form through necessity rather than genuine friendship, and they are first people to start gossiping about each other behind their backs.

A true friend is someone who will call you a pratt when you are acting like a pratt before getting you a pint in :beer: