How to make friends?

BARGAINHUNTER!

Ok, I know that this may seem slightly odd, but im sure that I am not the only one in this situation. I do not have a best friend or even any friends that I would consider 'close'. I get on well with the people I work with and we go out occasionally, but they have families etc so we can only go out maybe four times a year and even then that takes a lot of organising!

I moved away from the area that I grew up in and went to school in and even though I have found those friends again mostly through Facebook, I haven't actually met up with any of them for years and they live a long way away. I have looked on Gumtree and contacted a few people through there and even met up with a few for coffee but never seem to be able to get past the 'aquantance' stage. I have joined an aerobics class which I have been going to for the past 10 months, but most of the people there are mums who know each other from school and have children of the same age so they tend to talk together and it is quite clique and I don't really know how to make the first move into trying to break this. Im friendly when I get there, say hello, how are you etc but again, dont seem to be able to get past the aquaintance stage. I have joined an evening class and im hoping that I might be able to make some friends there but would just like some tips on how to progress friendships past the acquaintance stage as I would love to make some close friends but im struggling!

Im not sad or weird I just can't understand why making friends is so hard!

belfastgirl23

I'm trying to figure out if it's just a phase of life thing. I don't have any advice except to say that I've noticed the same thing. I do have a couple of old good friends but really I don't seem to get anywhere near that with anyone new. That said I do wonder if it's that I'm not as prepared to open up to people as well and that makes it harder to make friends??

Will be interested to see if anyone else comes up with suggestions...

Bettyboop

I could have written your post myself. Since leaving school a little over 10 years ago my best friend moved to the US. I have seen her once since then. Have been in the UK sometime and like you have found it hard to get past the aquantance stage. I'm friendly and have been described as a ray of sunshine by work colleagues in the past. However I can never seem to understand why having a one or two best friends is so hard. A lot of the time I feel lonely and besides raising kids and cleaning I don't go out. I was invited to night out a few months ago but because my husband had to work I couldn't go as I had no one to look after the kids : (.

Perhaps it's about exploring all avenues in this friendship thing. Never turning down an invite to a BBQ or party. You never know who you will bump into and a friendship may very well develop. Good luck. Hope I too can crack this sometime soon. I haven't spent all my life here like a lot of you so maybe that's why it't harder I don't know.

KarrieBee

I have a similar problem. I do have some very close friends but I have moved around a lot for work in the past few years and each time I do it seems to get harder to meet new people.
I have a very sociable job but, like you, never seem to get past the acquaintance stage with people. I work quite far from where i live too.
I think sometimes it just takes one person, you meet someone you click with and then they introduce you to other people which is what has happened to me in the past but not in the last year.
I didn;t mean to hijack this post but wanted to say really you're not sad or weird post and I hope you get some good suggetsions - then pass them on too!!

Bettyboop

belfastgirl23 wrote: »

I'm trying to figure out if it's just a phase of life thing. I don't have any advice except to say that I've noticed the same thing. I do have a couple of old good friends but really I don't seem to get anywhere near that with anyone new. That said I do wonder if it's that I'm not as prepared to open up to people as well and that makes it harder to make friends??

Will be interested to see if anyone else comes up with suggestions...

I opened up to a girl I thought was my friend and I think our friendship was ruined. Sometimes you have to be cautious about what you reveal... as too much information may not go down well.

BARGAINHUNTER!

Hi belfastgirl23. Maybe it is a phase of life thing. Im 35 but I do feel like it is easier to make friends when you are younger. I have two children who are both in secondary school, but i missed out on making friends with other mums at school when they were younger as my eldest son had behavioural problem when he was younger (still does a bit) so I found that some of the other mums at school wern't interested in making friends because of this and now that the children are at secondary school I don't go up to school anymore to drop them off/pick them up so don't really have the opportunity to make any friends this way. When they were younger I found the other mums to be quite clicque anyway and it was hard to break into their established circles. I seem to find it hard to get past the nod and hello stage with people. I think im friendly enough - I smile and say hello to as many people as I can.

BARGAINHUNTER!

Bettyboop wrote: »

I could have written your post myself. Since leaving school a little over 10 years ago my best friend moved to the US. I have seen her once since then. Have been in the UK sometime and like you have found it hard to get past the aquantance stage. I'm friendly and have been described as a ray of sunshine by work colleagues in the past. However I can never seem to understand why having a one or two best friends is so hard. A lot of the time I feel lonely and besides raising kids and cleaning I don't go out. I was invited to night out a few months ago but because my husband had to work I couldn't go as I had no one to look after the kids : (.

Perhaps it's about exploring all avenues in this friendship thing. Never turning down an invite to a BBQ or party. You never know who you will bump into and a friendship may very well develop. Good luck. Hope I too can crack this sometime soon. I haven't spent all my life here like a lot of you so maybe that's why it't harder I don't know.

Thats just it - I think im nice and I would be a very good friend to people. i would love to get more invites out but they just don't seem to happen. Im a single mum and when I do get invited out and i am in a position to go then I make sure that I do go. A lot of the closer friends I have had in the past seem to have moved away and although im still in contact with them by the occasional text or email thats about it really. Id love to meet some new people who I can just pop round to there house for a coffee or them come to mine but it just does not seem to happen.

RoxieW

hi guys - I feel pretty much the same way. I have 4/5 'close' friends so am lucky really but one lives far away and the other recently let me down and now I have backed off from our friendship a bit. I'm making an effort to try to make new friendships but it is sooo difficult to get past that initial 'hi' stage. I'm getting there slowely I think though. After being hurt by friend 1 who I spent a lot of time with and did consider my best friend I started making more of an effort with my other close friends and number 5 is actually a friendship that had waned as I hadnt put the effort in. I didnt think I needed more friends as I had friend 1 IKSWIM. I've also got back in touch with another old friend who I realise actually valued me and made an effort whereas I probably let her down as I have now been on the recieving end of. With regards to new friends I saw a girl around and got chatting to her a couple of times. In the end I bit the bullet and asked for her number. We both have young babies so I just said along the lines of 'you should bring baby round to play one day' - when she made positive sounds I asked for her number. I then texted her and this is now in the first stages of friendship. I also just this week organised a 'mums night out' with the mums from school. Many of which I dont know at all and some I know to say 'hi'. I just put a poster up for mums to put there names down. 18 went in the end and it was a good laugh enjoyed by all - sometimes you have to be proactive as noone else will.
On the debt free wannabe board they have a regular 'meet up'. Maybe we could organise something similar???

RoxieW

Just to add there are many places to look for friendships. i;ve gone on a bit of a mission with it recently (a late new years resolution!) and have been looking at my neighbours, school mums, mums at the baby clinic, old friends on facebook, wifes of my husbands colleagues etc etc. If I like the look of someone and think we might have something in common I make the effort to say hi and try to get chatting.

thrifty_sue

Have you tried netmums? They have a meet a mum board and I have met a few friendly people that way, especially when they introduce you to their friends. I went through a phase of not having many friends, but then realised I was lonely and made a real effort to talk to people and find out who was around in the community. I am naturally shy, so I did take some guts, but it was worth it!

Curlywurli

Sorry, I haven't got any advice but I feel exactly the same. I've lived in the same town all of my life but went away to uni, when I came back I had no contact with anyone. I try talking to people but around here it's really hard and some people just don't want to know. I tried speaking to another mum in the town and she looked at me as if I was dirt.

I am very shy, but have to be confident at work because I actually run the mother and toddler group. I am very sociable there and enjoy doing it, but it doesn't go any further. I would love to meet some people so I could have some adult time, go to the cinema to see a girlie film but I'm way too shy to do anything about it. It's like I'm two different people- at work extremely confident, at home- hide and don't go anywhere. I have work "friends", but that's limited to when I'm at work or if someone wants a reference.