Opposite Sex Friends?

carolinosourus

One of my best friends is male, if we didn't feel like brother and sister then I think we'd be together now. I met him while I was at uni, we were both in relationships but used to spend a lot of time together (apparently quite a few people used to think we were cheating!). He really is like my soul-mate, I think. We're so close that when I went up to see him at uni (he did a Master's) I was supposed to be sleeping in another flat (him and his friends that stayed on got a townhouse with each floor turned into a self-contained flat) but just ended up sharing his double bed with him. And nothing happened! It would just be incestuous!! Though we were both sitting in bed one morning reading (we were 22) and we both suddenly looked at each other and burst out laughing that we were like an old married couple

Jo_F

When I was growing up, there were more lads about than girls, and I have never been a girly girl, was a natural tomboy.

Most of my friends at school were boys, and I have worked in both male or female dominated work places, and I have found that when working with women, I just can't be doing with the cattyness that comes with it. whereas when working in the male dominated section of the aerospace company I was at, I was just one of the lads, and enjoyed it far more, no backstabbing etc.

Even now, I have more male friends than female friends, I can be flirty, it's just my nature, but my partner knows that's as far as it goes, and that he has nothing to worry about and he knows that I get on better with blokes than women.

I have recently through facebook started chatting to people I went to school with, and one of the guys has offered to come over one Sunday morning on his bake and take me for a ride on it, he did tell me to make sure it was ok with my partner, which it is, and he is bringing spare leathers with him (I assume they belong to his wife), nothing in it, just to catch up on 20 odd years since we last saw each other.

buxtonrabbitgreen

I have one opposite sex friend and he is gay and 30 years younger than me. We do go out together usually with other friends or he tags a long on day's out with me and the kids. I see absolutely nothing wrong with this. But I still don't tell my oh. For one he would not believe he is gay and it would start an arguement.
I am not sure a straight friendship with someone of the opposite sex would be wise. I agree with the men are only thinking of one thing comments. Sorry if I am wrong about so many people who think it is ok. Not for me though.

Jo_F

I really surprises me the amount of people that think that members of the oppsite sex cannot be friends without sex coming into it somewhere. I have more male friends than female friends and I can quite honestly say that I don't see them in a sexual way, and I am pretty sure the feeling is mutual, I know that none of them have actually tried anything, and I think the parties on both sides have far more respect for the friendship than to let anything else get in the way

JoeyG

buxtonrabbitgreen wrote: »

I have one opposite sex friend and he is gay and 30 years younger than me. We do go out together usually with other friends or he tags a long on day's out with me and the kids. I see absolutely nothing wrong with this. But I still don't tell my oh. For one he would not believe he is gay and it would start an arguement.

Bizarre... does he not think gay men exist? or just that they can't have female friends?

RoxieW

I think the crux of the matter is that yes they can have opposite sex friends as long as the are unattractive lol
I personally wouldnt be happy about OH having a female friend. Perhaps if she had been around for a long time it would be different but say a new, attractive girl started at his workplace and they became friends and he chose to spend time with her over me it would bother me. Esp as he doesnt spend time with his male friends one on one generally. Interestingly he does spend time one on one with a gay friend but I dont have a problem with that as a) OH isnt gay and b) I also know this friend and he's lovely. I think you just get a vibe from people. My neighbour for example started getting pally with me but when my OH was around I would be completely ignored while she talked to him about his football team and favourite bands (this was after she had quizzed me on what his favourite bands were!). A few little comments such as 'I think I've got more in common with your OH then I have with my own' and (to my OH) 'Oh X, haven't you got big muscles' - seriously, I kid you not - and now I dont have anything to do with her. He thinks she's ok but if they suddenly became friends I'd have alot to say about it. It's bad enough that they are facebook friends and she feels the need to comment on every single thing he writes - she invited him round to hers to watch football once as well whereas when I've offered to go round with a bottle of wine to keep her company (her OH works shifts :rolleyes:) it's never been taken up on.
I think you get a vibe from a person (her hair flicking, pouting and going into a panic if OH caught her putting something in the bin without a full face of makeup/hair done etc pretty much gave her away!) and with 90% of women if they were sniffing around my OH it would be a bad vibe. I would question why they were going to lengths to become 'friends' with him as i know I wouldnt go out of my way to make male friends, out of respect for my OH. It has caused a few arguements with my OH because he is totally oblivious to flirtation and doesnt get the 'signs'. But when i've made male friends it gets his back up as 'he knows what men are like'. Without exception he's been right. I've given up on male 'friends' as it pretty much ends up the same way - ie me having to tell them to get lost. My OH doesnt get that women are also 'like that'.

But there are some women that it wouldnt bother me one bit. They would be the minority though. Again, its the 'vibe' from a person and if the friendship makes you uncomfortable, whatever the reason, I think your partner and their feelings (whether rational or not) should be the priority