Opposite Sex Friends?

funky_snow

I have a male best friend... and it is great - I don't think of him as any different to a female friend.
We hang out - drop by unnanounced - sometimes with our partners, but mostly just the 2 of us - (usually end up gossiping about the partners!!!)
It varies as to how partners handle it. My previous boyfriend didn't like it but tolerated it . Friends current girlfriend is great and I now sometimes will go out for a coffee with her and leave my friend at home!!!!

Good relationships can handle something like this - bad ones can't.
If a partner is insecure then they probably won't handle it - but I find I'm not attracted to insecure people that want to control my life by asking me to drop my friend.
I value having trust as the bedrock of a relationship - if its not there then why bother with the relationship. But then I guess I'm not insecure to want to keep a bad relationship that isn't built on trust...

clearing_out_my_pockets

For years, my best friend was a man but now my best friend is my fiance (same man!). I get on better with his mates than I get on with women.

A while ago I was on a training course in Birmingham and one of his mates lives there. We met up for a bite to eat and a few drinks (shock horror) without my OH. He didn't mind one bit. His mate walked me back to my hotel and gave me a peck on the cheek but that was it. I have to remind another of his mates to talk to my face, not my chest but there's no harm in it - neither me nor my OH would be wary of me being alone with him.

Similarly, he has a female friend that he's known for 10 years or so. He goes out for a drink with him without me. Does it bother me? No. Am I jealous? No.

The issue here is trust, not respect.

Gavin83

Interesting question. I think in theory a friendship can work, but it's certainly more complicated than a same sex friendship. I do think it's unusual for there not to be a sexual motive on the part of at least one of them, but even in this case I don't think it's impossible. I've been friends with people who have fancied me and I've been friends with girls I've had a thing for, it's not necessarily an issue.

I certainly think it becomes complicated in relationships though. Where do you draw the line? Is it acceptable for opposite sex friends to share a drink, stay at each others houses alone? I think any partner would have their limits and these limits would be less than a same sex friendship. For example, I've been known to share a bed with male friends when necessary, and naturally my partner doesn't have a problem with this. However, if I wanted to share a bed with a female friend Im sure she'd have an issue, and rightly so.

I think the majority of partners would have a problem with opposite sex relationships. You only have to browse this very board to see the number of people commenting on their partners speaking to opposite sex friends at work, and many people that suggest ending the relationship over it.

At what point does it stop being acceptable? Is spending a night out alone or sharing a bed/sofa with an opposite sex friend ok while in a relationship?

poppyolivia

Does anyone else feel sick reading this now?lol

wildfrog

For me most of my friends are my husbands friends too anyway. There is one or 2 of my friends who he isn't crazy about but tolerates happily. We do have more male friends than female friends and I do spend time alone with one of them in particular. I work part time so have mondays and tuesdays off and he has mondays off too, so we always meet for cake (mm CAKE!) and then he normally stays for dinner so he can see Hubby when he gets home from work. TBH I'm not sure how I would feel about this if it was the other way around. Hubby doesn't mind at all, the friend in question is his best mate, however if he did mind I would certainly cut out seeing this friend alone and ensure it was only when the 3 of us were around. Cake on mondays wouldn't be important enough to upset OH over.

I recently went to York for a week with OU and a different male friend was up in York the same week on holiday with his folks. We met for dinner one night then he joined the OU pub crawl. Again husband was fine with this, but perhaps this is because it was a one off. I wouldn't do this during normal circumstances as I would just prefer to spend time with OH.

You know what? I've forgotten by point Sorry for ramble. I think my point is kind of "It's ok to have close friends of opposite sex, but remember who you've married and that their happiness is important to you".......... I think:o

princessamy86

I have a best mate who is male, in fact a big group of them are male and we go out all the time. Interesting question above, I frequently crash at their (3 male) house share, whereever there is a bed available! If it means getting in with my best mate, then that's what happens! OH doesn't mind at all, they're all his mates too and he trusts everyone to know the boundaries. Flirting goes on, but it's harmless and tbh comes second nature to the lads. I like being counted as one of the boys, it's always a good night out.

poppyolivia

princessamy86 wrote: »

I have a best mate who is male, in fact a big group of them are male and we go out all the time. Interesting question above, I frequently crash at their (3 male) house share, whereever there is a bed available! If it means getting in with my best mate, then that's what happens! OH doesn't mind at all, they're all his mates too and he trusts everyone to know the boundaries. Flirting goes on, but it's harmless and tbh comes second nature to the lads. I like being counted as one of the boys, it's always a good night out.

that would make me turn into a bunny boiler!:eek:

Cool it works for you though!!!:D

princessamy86

The only time I properly went mad was when OH text me a pic of himself in his ex's bed after a night out, cos he was wearing a funny hat! He thought this was hilarious, and although she wasn't a recent ex I was furious, really blew my top. I trust him and I know he didn't do anything but he just didn't see it was inappropriate until I put him straight-he grovelled for days!

poppyolivia

princessamy86 wrote: »

The only time I properly went mad was when OH text me a pic of himself in his ex's bed after a night out, cos he was wearing a funny hat! He thought this was hilarious, and although she wasn't a recent ex I was furious, really blew my top. I trust him and I know he didn't do anything but he just didn't see it was inappropriate until I put him straight-he grovelled for days!

quite right!!!haha

I don't have that problem as my DH exs don't so much as say hi to him now lol! But for some reason the lass he was with the longest always says hi to me!!...I always seem to see her when I look cack though!!!:o Don't you just hate that!:rotfl:

princessamy86

Agree with you there! They're never around when you're looking good, it's Murphy's Law! I'm out tonight with the lads, hopefully they won't be as horrible as last week and post pictures of me off my face on facebook. That's the downside, if you want to be counted as "one of them" then you have to accept you are treated like that with no sympathy! Banter bordering on the obscene, heavy drinking, lol maybe I should go out with the girlies instead.

Have to say though, I'm surprised so many people would have a problem with it! My best female friend is the same, she said she would grab her OH by a certain part of his anatomy and cut it off if he ever dreamt of having a female friend. I'd hate to think I couldn't be friends with who I liked, just because my OH either couldn't keep a lid on his jealousy or that he didn't trust me. I have history (not relationship history...you know..the other ) with some of my boy mates which he is well aware of, and he still trusts me to remember I'm with him-it's not difficult!