Opposite Sex Friends?

zippychick

I find this a very interesting thread ......

Im female (obviously), and the avst majority of my friends are male. One or two females,
but as said earlier - they are exceptional.

I'm not into make up or clothes, products, fashion, handbags or shoes and this means
i tend to have very little in common with women. I would even go as far to say i find
them uncomfortable - of course I am generalising, but it depends on the woman of
course.

I have experienced all sorts of jealous spousery, some has gone further than others.
One girl kicked seven bells of carp out of me, simply for talking to her fella. We
were at a party and it was a crowd of guys I had hung around with for years.
I was asking him if he had pictures of their new baby I could see, and that was enough to make her lose the plot. Anyway that is an exreme example of jealousy. I was always the one with no make up , in combats , a hoody and a
ponytail so I can't understand to this day why she felt threatened by me :rolleyes::mad:

I have one very close male friend in particular who I was good friends with for a couple of years before he met his current missus. We would frequently hang out just the two of us, and to be honest, I don't see why that should now stop because he is in a
relationship :rolleyes: Most of the time I hang with them as a couple, but sometimes we get to hang out just the two of us and I'll be honest - I miss that. As much as I like her, I don't see I should have to sacrifice my friendship just because he is in a relationship. Being in a relationship doesn't mean you have to stop seeing your male friends (as a guy) so why should female be any different?

Nor would I drop him like a hot brick if i was in relationship. I think it's ludicrous to suggest I should to be honest (or he should me)!

I do have other male friends who have dropped me like a hot brick, as their missus just gives them far too much grief if they stay friends with me. Some have me in their phone as other names - which I find really sad! I constantly get the evils from them if I do see them and the gfs are there (funerals etc )

i can honestly say there isn't one of my male friends I would like to get jiggy with. There is no alternative motive. They are my friend

I do know women who feel that a female friend represents something lacking in a relationship - as in they aren't getting something from their relationship, so they are seeking it with another girl :rolleyes:

I have shared many a bed with male friends and nothing has happened.Purely innocent.
If someone is going to cheat or have an affair, it won't necessarily be with th e female friend (although of course it happens ).BUT it could just as easily happen with an acquaintance from work or something.

I should be jealous (scorpio), but I'm not. It all comes down to trust. If there's no trust, there's no point.

if i was seeing a guy who couldn't handle me having so many male friends, that would drive me insane and put me right off. I wasn't shagging them before, neither am I going to start now.

sunshinetours

Interesting! I married someone who was a friend for a liong time and that is what makes our marriage a good one, as we are "friends" along with everything else which is important.

So to say something couldn't happen with someone who you have been friends with for a long time I think is probably naive in many cases. And to the poster who mentioned anout blokes being blokes and wanting one thing ultimately - I think there probably a reasonable amount of truth in that. Men are definitely (generalisation here) more "visual" than women and so someone who is attractive is attractive regardless of who they are.

Lets face it women's bodies are much nicer to look at than mens so who can blame us!

Saying all that i do have some long term female friends (some of whom I have in the past fancied at one point or other ) all of which i would feel comfortable about going out with on my own, however I don't think my wife would be 100%comfortable even though I know she trusts me

JoeyG

sunshinetours wrote: »

Men are definitely (generalisation here) more "visual" than women and so someone who is attractive is attractive regardless of who they are.

Whilst I agree it is almost universally accepted whether a woman is attractive or not... I think the question of whether you are attracted to them is more complex, for example I have a very close friend who is very attractive, but I grew up with her so I think of her the way I think of my sister... Likewise, when you're out and about just look at how many unattractive women have partners.

The 'visual' thing is more likely to occur among strangers in places like nightclubs where people are drunk... I think with friends the issue of attraction (or lack of) is far more complex

tsstss7

I found this thread quite interesting because me and my OH have recently had a difference of opinion with regards to one of his female friends (to the point of splitting up). He has lots of female friends who I don't have an issue with at all but this one made me extrememly wary from the moment I knew he was starting to spend more time with her. Needless to say he couldn't see why and we had lots of rows about trust etc but I wouldn't back down because in my mind she was trying to win him and he wasn't behaving at all like a guy who wasn't there to be won.

It's got to the point where he has lost his friendship but thats now all I can deal with if he had addressed the issue much earlier (this happened over the last two years) then it might not have come to that.

oystercatcher wrote: »

Of course it's 'all down to trust' I used to trust my Ex until I discovered that his female friend was actually his mistress.
Which is why I don't trust next husband quite so much, sad I know but we learn from experience!

I also know people who mask a casual occasional shag as a friendship and as far as I know his missus believes him totally that they are just friends - so you are not the only one duped in that way. Thats the problem really people talk about trust but sometimes the trusted use that against you.

sunshinetours wrote: »

Interesting! I married someone who was a friend for a liong time and that is what makes our marriage a good one, as we are "friends" along with everything else which is important.

So to say something couldn't happen with someone who you have been friends with for a long time I think is probably naive in many cases. And to the poster who mentioned anout blokes being blokes and wanting one thing ultimately - I think there probably a reasonable amount of truth in that. Men are definitely (generalisation here) more "visual" than women and so someone who is attractive is attractive regardless of who they are.

Have to agree with the lines in bold above. I'm with my long standing male friend - we were really good friends for about 12 years before getting together.

jackomdj

jimexbox wrote: »

Genuine question, do you go out for a evening drink/meal without your partner with a male friend?

no, but I don't go out with female friends either!

I used to go out for lunch drinks/meal with my old friend when we worked together.

Actually I had another male friend (he moved away from the area but still chat now) who was single & he used to come over for dinner. Sometimes OH would be home but if OH was working away or late then it would be just the two of us.

creased-leach

zippychick wrote: »

I find this a very interesting thread ......

Im female (obviously), and the avst majority of my friends are male. One or two females,
but as said earlier - they are exceptional.

I'm not into make up or clothes, products, fashion, handbags or shoes and this means
i tend to have very little in common with women. I would even go as far to say i find
them uncomfortable - of course I am generalising, but it depends on the woman of
course.
snip..

Wanna new girlie friend? :j

JoeyG

tsstss7 wrote: »

I also know people who mask a casual occasional shag as a friendship and as far as I know his missus believes him totally that they are just friends - so you are not the only one duped in that way. Thats the problem really people talk about trust but sometimes the trusted use that against you.

I feel sorry for your friend, but would it really be any better if she didn't trust him and therefore restricted him from doing what he wanted?... what sort of relationship would that be?

maturelearner

Thanks all for your replies.

It certainly has helped me go someway to understand the thoughts/feeling of my OH.

And may I just apologies for poor phrasing in my original post. Thankfully common sense prevailed as well as some thought provoking debate.

lilmissmup

I have a few male friends, only one close one but i did have a very very brief relationship with him (and i mean like 2 weeks, if that!). I didn't really feel the same though and just wanted to be his friend.

Hes happily married now though and i was in a long term relationship until two months ago, his wife is fine with me but my ex didn't really like me spending too much time with him because of the past, or any other males really.

I am quite a jealous person too, my ex didn't have any female friends apart from his ex though and she wasn't a real friend, luckily for me he worked with mainly males, there was one girl there i didn't like but she was sleeping with most of the men :rolleyes:

tsstss7

JoeyG wrote: »

I feel sorry for your friend, but would it really be any better if she didn't trust him and therefore restricted him from doing what he wanted?... what sort of relationship would that be?

My friend is the one doing the occasional shagging lol ....