Totally devestated

dontknowwhattodonow

Just spent the last hour cleaning the bathroom, I have mentally shoved his head down the toilet a dozen times.... shiney bathroom now.
I have a full weekend ahead with kids activities, so that will give me something to focus on.
I will make an appointment with the Drs, I was due a check up anyway, so I will do that.

I am hoping my appetite will come back, I have totally lost it, apart from a couple of slices of toast, now and then during the day. I can't keep anything down. I am drinking plenty of hot and cold drinks. Is this shock? I am not starving myself or anything its just that I am not hungry and can't force myself to eat.

clearing_out_my_pockets

Hi. First of all, good on you for sorting the bank accounts etc. Any it's good that you've given him an ultimatum (but make sure you see it through).

I think you mentioned that your husband may have been feeling neglected because life and kids etc got in the way of being a couple? I thought you said it started before your eldest was born? I think you need to stop making excuses for him.

JoJoB

I'm sorry if you thought my idea of seeing a counsellor was presumptious - they would in no way make your mind up for you. The reason I think it would be a positive thing for you is because the counselling process helped me and my husband enormously when we went through difficulties ourselves. We are very happy now, after 17 years of somewhat turbulent marriage.

We learned things about each other that we previously hadn't a clue about, after years of being with one another, and learned about where our damaging behaviour had its roots and how to prevent it happening again. Lots of stuff sounds completely obvious - but it's often not obvious when you are stuck in the fog, trying to find your way.

It is often at the point you are, in complete confusion and crisis, that many people try counselling as a last resort. Its not for everyone and requires very hard work, and is often very painful - but be in no doubt - it is YOU doing the work, not the therapist. They are just skilled facilitators who know what questions to ask. I seriously think you would get more honesty from your husband through this process, because there is someone emotionally uninvolved who is able to see things a little more clearly.

The process saved my marriage, and we both thought it unsalvagable due to unforgivable behaiour from myself. I'm from the guilty end of the spectrum you see - I know a little about where your partner is coming from and I know that he is fobbing you off with bull$hit. I also know that the adage "a leopard can't change its spots" is bull$hit too - I did and so have many others, but it requires a true understanding of your issues and a commitment and effort beyond belief to do so. Which is why I don't think a few cosy dinners and chats is really going to sort things for you. It requires something more when you are ready for it.

dontknowwhattodonow

JoJo - I wasn't dismissing the thought of a counselor. As I have said before some of the things I write are random thoughts. Maybe tomorrow I might think it is right for me. At the moment nothing is set in stone, my thoughts can change by the minute.

Sorry if I sounded like I was dismissing you.

Jo_R_2

I really feel for you. You must be devastated, you come across as being very loving and devoted to the family, how awful for you *hugs*

One thing I did pick up on, was when you said you were going to give him this time to see what he would be missing out on. You know what... this should sooooooooo be the other way around - why on earth should YOU be the one trying to make him stay...

If he's so devastated and has cried a river, what exactly is he doing to persuade YOU that you should keep him rather than throw him out on his ear?

zaksmum

Jo_R wrote: »

I really feel for you. You must be devastated, you come across as being very loving and devoted to the family, how awful for you *hugs*

One thing I did pick up on, was when you said you were going to give him this time to see what he would be missing out on. You know what... this should sooooooooo be the other way around - why on earth should YOU be the one trying to make him stay...

If he's so devastated and has cried a river, what exactly is he doing to persuade YOU that you should keep him rather than throw him out on his ear?

It does seem like you're making all the running here. He's just selfishly sitting back waiting for the dust to settle. He should be on his bended knees begging your forgiveness and doing all he can to make it up to you. The worm has GOT to turn.

BARGAINHUNTER!

Do you know if your children have ever met this woman? Also, have you checked out https://www.entitledto.co.uk to see what benefits you might be entitled to if he does leave?

Karen_30

dontknowwhattodonow wrote: »

Just spent the last hour cleaning the bathroom, I have mentally shoved his head down the toilet a dozen times.... shiney bathroom now.
I have a full weekend ahead with kids activities, so that will give me something to focus on.
I will make an appointment with the Drs, I was due a check up anyway, so I will do that.

I am hoping my appetite will come back, I have totally lost it, apart from a couple of slices of toast, now and then during the day. I can't keep anything down. I am drinking plenty of hot and cold drinks. Is this shock? I am not starving myself or anything its just that I am not hungry and can't force myself to eat.

:rotfl:your toilet must be gleaming! :rotfl:

As for eating, anything is better than nothing. It's only natural. I've lost over a stone in weight since the problems with my OH and still don't really have an appitite for anything, apart from chocolate that is

xxx

sammyjammy

dontknowwhattodonow wrote: »

I am hoping my appetite will come back, I have totally lost it, apart from a couple of slices of toast, now and then during the day. I can't keep anything down. I am drinking plenty of hot and cold drinks. Is this shock? I am not starving myself or anything its just that I am not hungry and can't force myself to eat.

Perfectly normal to lose your appetite, it won't last, man trouble is about the only time in my life I have lost my appetite and my friends plied me with so mmuch chocolate I put it on and more.

Take care sweetie, look after yourself and the children.
x

dontknowwhattodonow

Had a busy morning running the kids around, and a busy afternoon, washing, and clearing the kids rooms out. Feel ok today, probably because I have been busy.

I have arranged our wills aswell, so I know everything will go to the kids. This is what he wanted aswell, so I know he will keep to that part of the bargin, whatever happens. Keeping a very tight rein on the money situation, I keep checking things to make sure I have it right. I phoned the tax credits.. they gave me an estimate on what I should be entitled to..which sounded good, realised when I came of the phone I gave the wrong amount for my wage, I gave before tax, she wanted after tax.. so I should qualify for a bit more, should I need too.

Barginhunter - According to him the kids have never seen her, but she has seen pics of them on his phone. She also claims to have been on my facebook page and looked, which is unlikely, as I have it set to the highest privicy setting.... sounds like she telling a little porkie there then!

Karen/Sammyjammy - the appetite isn't too much of a worry - could do with loosing a few pounds! Although I did manage a jacket potato with cheese for tea.

Out with the kids again tomorrow, and back to work on Monday, which I am dreading a bit, have to put on a brave face.

Thank you all so much for your comments and thoughts, you have all given me some ideas to use, I have another load of washing to get on the airer, so best go do that.

Will keep updating this, as I know it helps as I type.