Totally devestated

dontknowwhattodonow

Whitewing - I am taking it one step at a time, I wanted to sort the bank stuff out quickly as I am back at work next week, so wouldn't have time to get to the bank. So if probably when I have to change things I can do it all in a phonecall.

I think he does seem sorry/ashamed, he knows he has ruined everything. He has cried more than I have ever seen him cry. And I know people will say he is only doing that because he has been caught out. But I believe for once he is been honest

Stephb1986_2

He should of thought about what he was going to miss out on 13 years ago when he started this.

He is just shredding crocodile tears because you found out. Would he be doing this now if you hadn't of found out??? I doubt it very much.

I know you can't stop loving people in a instant but you don't tell someone who has hurt you like this that you love them because he's probably sat there right now having a jolly thinking ahh well everything will be ok I can have my wife and kids and my fancy woman too because she's forgiven me.

You could make him stay with a mate for a few days until you have sorted your money out. So you don't have to put up with his miserable face. Do you not think this is affecting your kids????

Steph xx

Karen_30

Hey there,

I totally agree with this as a place to ramble and getting things off your chest.....it's really good place to start.

Only YOU can do what is best for you and what you feel like doing right now. I have known couples to go through simlar and come out the other side, it just depends how much they want it.

Relationships are never simple, anyone who says or gives the impression they are aren't being trueful...we all have bad times.

Also it takes two to make and break a relationship....i'm not excusing your husbands behaviour because it's not excusable but for example in my case....me and my ex just stopped making the effort and allowed other things in life to get in the way and forgot each other....we've realised that now and I just hope that we can get it back....something we both have to work at.

There is always much more to things....you have to take each minute, hour and day as it comes....and do ONLY what you want to throughout. You'll always have the support here

Karen xx

GettingHitched

hey sweeite.

i couldnt read and run, just wanted to give you a big hug. I really hope you work things out for you and your kids ((((hugs)))

windswept

Get yourself over to mumsnet and speak to the dozens of women who've been through similar hell and come out the other side.
It would be infinitely better to go now and build a new life with your kids than in 10 years time when the kids have left and he decides he's fulfilled his fatherly duties and rides off into the sunset with her.
I honestly don't know how you haven't killed him!

I'd have chopped him up into bite sized pieces and fed him to the dog.

dontknowwhattodonow

windswept - Then I'd have one hell of a fat little dog!

Steph - To be really honest, I don't think the kids know or suspect anything is wrong. I have never argued in front of them... in fact I have never raised my voice. We have talked when the kids haven't been around or they are in bed. That's one thing (rightly or wrongly) we have never ever done, is argue, we always talk things out.

Karen - me and my ex just stopped making the effort and allowed other things in life to get in the way and forgot each other. This is what I know is a fault with me. Work, kids, life take over

Stephb1986_2

dontknowwhattodonow wrote: »

This is what I know is a fault with me. Work, kids, life take over

But if you don't work you wouldn't have a good lifestyle or be able to provide things for your kids thats life.

Kids aren't stupid they can probably feel the tension between you both.

Steph xx

zaksmum

Well all I can say is you need to start calling the shots. He has behaved despicably and if you don't take some very determined action you will regret allowing this treatment of you and the kids.

And Steph made a very valid point, in that you really do need to get yourself checked out if he's been having his fun with the slapper and you at the same time.

That's what my poor daughter had to do - they were trying for a baby when she found out her scumbag husband had got another woman pregnant behind her back. She was thankfully clear, but the staff at the centre told her how common it is that a wife finds herself infected in such circumstances.

Don't allow him to have damaged you physically as well as emotionally.

AbFab

dontknowwhattodonow wrote: »

Karen - me and my ex just stopped making the effort and allowed other things in life to get in the way and forgot each other. This is what I know is a fault with me. Work, kids, life take over

I disagree with this notion that it takes two to ruin things. If he was feeling neglected (poor poppet) he should have said to you: "Darling Wife, let's get a babysitter, I'm taking you out for a nice date, just you and me." He should have communicated to you he was starting to feel unhappy, and nipped it in the bud. I do agree it takes two to continue making an effort with their relationship, but you aren't a mind-reader, and you were doing your best to be a good mum to your children, and a working wife too. Please do not take the blame in these circumstances.

Please do continue to use this forum to vent, to work though what's going on in your head and your heart. No one can tell you what to do (much as many of us would like to), but we will offer you ideas and arguments, in an effort to help you work things out for yourself. Yes, some people may be blunt and say things you don't want to hear, but I think most posters are doing so with your best interests (and those of your children) at heart.

Best of luck.
Abi x

Stephb1986_2

I was 7 years old when my parents eventually split up I remember everything that happened before that. The beatings my mum being upset, when he eventually left he use to come round in the middle of the night smash windows and bang hell out of the back door we had a panic button things were that bad. He was the one that cheated on my mum with her brothers wife!

He does nothing but disgust me I wouldn't !!!!!! on him if he was on fire.

I was 7 I remember everything just don't think that your kids don't know nothing they aren't stupid.

Steph xx