19 year old son's girlfriend to stay over?

Gavin83

madcatwoman wrote: »

it does seem from some of the replies and other parents that I have spoken to that parents have less problem letting sons girlfiends staying over than daughters boyfriends which seems very unfair and a bit odd

This is certainly true. I think it's a protection issue. Parents see daughters as needing more protection sexually than sons do. I think it's probably because young guys are generally a bit pushy when it comes to sex and the parents don't want their daughter pushed into it, where as it's unlikely a boy is going to be anything but overjoyed at the thought of having sex.

I do think it's also primarily down to the dad though, and a single parent mum would be more willing to let a boyfriend stay over. Dads see their daughters as their little girl and really wouldn't like the thought of some teenage boy having sex with her, and therefore will do everything to stop it. It doesn't quite work the same way with sons, infact I would say most dads would be happy to see their son having sex.

NAR

jillymit wrote: »

Not sure how my husband would feel if it was a young lady stopping over

Probably the same as myself - "I'll risk one eye!" :cool: :rotfl:

chocomonsta

I have a 19 year old son too. He had his first girlfriend when he was 16 and asked could she stay for the night. I said no as we do not have a spare room/spare bed. He said no she can share with me (single bed). I said no as I thought they were too young, but her Mum then phoned me and said she allowed them to sleep together and she thought it ok. :eek: I was quite shocked with this but eventually allowed them to stay together at mine although I never felt comfortable with it. He went out with her until he was 19. Now he has another girlfriend and wants her to stay too.

My reason against it now is based on my teen years - yes we were having sex at 16 but we had to be imaginative. No way would my Dad let him stay at my house - though I would not have even considered asking.
We used the car and moved out at about 17.

I think these days it is too easy for them, and where will he get the incentive to leave home if everything is cushy and available for him here!

Also, I like my house to be mine and just feel uncomfortable with someone staying who I do not know and I don't really want to make the effort to know. That sounds terrible but he says he does not want to be in a serious long term relationship for the near future. Her parents have only let them stay at hers when they have been away.

RachelW1987

I feel really old fashioned here but im 22 and I think its disrespectful to have s*x in your parents house.

Luckily my OH had a flat when I met him so we could go there but I would NEVER have s*x at my parents. Imo

windswept

"I would say most dads would be happy to see their son having sex." Ermm, I think that needs re-phrasing, don't you!


Assuming she's over 16, what's the problem?
At least he respects her enough to bring her home and doesn't just shag her anywhere! He also feels comfortable enough to have her meet you - actually you should be proud of his maturity.

JimmyTheWig

Gavin83 wrote: »

This is certainly true. I think it's a protection issue. Parents see daughters as needing more protection sexually than sons do. I think it's probably because young guys are generally a bit pushy when it comes to sex and the parents don't want their daughter pushed into it, where as it's unlikely a boy is going to be anything but overjoyed at the thought of having sex.

I agree.
It's almost a case of not allowing them to stay over (at either place) unless your son or daughter is prepared to have sex. And this, as Gavin points out, is more likely to be an issue with a daughter.
If they want to have sex then they are going to, whether at home or not, at night time or not, etc.
But if they don't want to have sex then they are much more likely to be pressurred (or forced) into it if they are sleeping with their boyfriend.

brighthair

My Mum never had any issue with my boyfrieds staying over (I'm 25 now, and was allowed when I first asked about 20)
I was having sex when I was 16 anyway before I asked for them to stay over but TBH, when they did stay over, we did just sleep!

floss2

RachelW1987 wrote: »

I would NEVER have s*x at my parents.

Think my OH feels this way....we're in our 40's, engaged to be married and have lived together for 3 years and he's still like that when we stay at his family home!

TBH, I do agree with the disrespect thing - but in my case, I discourage "it" happening when my sons visit by asking them outright whether they want 1 bed or 2 making up....they then have to think about whether they want to do "it" in the same building as me! :rotfl:

Errata

It's a difficult decision for a parent to make. But given that teenagers can go through boy/girl friends like a hot knife through butter, it might be a good idea if parents could see that giving blanket permission for sleepovers with sex may mean a succession of boy/girl friends having sleepovers with sex, not just the current one.

Mme.Hibou

RachelW1987 wrote: »

I feel really old fashioned here but im 22 and I think its disrespectful to have s*x in your parents house.

Luckily my OH had a flat when I met him so we could go there but I would NEVER have s*x at my parents. Imo

You're 22 and you can't even type the word sex? It's hardly surprising you're not having sex at your parents' homes.

I did when I lived at home and since I've left home there hasn't really been much need to.