19 year old son's girlfriend to stay over?

tiptoes27

Thanks for all of your replies, some of which made me laugh! It is good to get the views of the youngsters as well. It does make me feel uncomfortable, and I am not sure why. He is nearly 20 and he is an adult. He is not in a very well paid job and I feel he could be living at home for many years to come, wheras his sister has a very good degree and a good job and will probably be moving out soon. I am not sure whe would ask now for her boyfriend to stay over as her bedroom is next to ours, but she did when she was younger and home from Uni for holidays. She has had two serious boyfriends, not with either of them now, and I did not want to bump into them on the landing in the morning!! My husband very very definate that my daughters boyfriend has to stay in the spare room, but as my sons room is not in the house, he is also unsure how he feels about it. He thinks he is not happy with it but is not sure what to do. In answer to one of your questions, he does pay rent. The den does not have a bathroom, so they do have to come into the house to use the bathroom. I think I am worried that he might not stay with this girl for more than a few weeks and we could then have a string of them staying over. Also, this girl lives on her own in a flat in a very rough area, does not seem to work much and lives on benefits and I would not want him staying up there or getting drawn into that lifestyle. We have never claimed any benefits as a family and feel uncomfortable with her way of life. Confused???

Pigeongirl

When I was 16 my parents allowed my 17 year old boyfriend to regularly spend the night in my bedroom with me. I still didn't lose my virginity to him until I was ready at 18, so it doesn't necessarily follow that it will lead to sex.

That said, at the age your son is at it's likely they are having sex but I would be fine with it since he is an adult. As long as they don't flaunt their activity let them get on with it.

EDIT: Just read your most recent post. If you don't trust the girl then def go with your instinct and don't allow it.

Lokolo

My ex and I.

She was allowed to sleep round mine and stay in my room.

I wasn't allowed to stay in her room if I stayed over at her house.

Those were the rules that the parents chose (my mum obviously rules).

Although we were together for 3.5 years and she was 15 (me 17) when we first started going out. And it wasn't for at least a year before we slept round each others houses.

tiptoes27

it does seem from some of the replies and other parents that I have spoken to that parents have less problem letting sons girlfiends staying over than daughters boyfriends which seems very unfair and a bit odd

floss2

mummy_Jay wrote: »

...IMO I would have a chat to him on the lines of his sisters was not allowed her BF overnight, its not fair for him to have his GF overnight, however inocent it may or may not have been. Your happy to have her come over but please can he make sure he walks her home after they've finished hanging out, you don't expect to see her for breakfast unless she's just arriving.

I think this is a good way to put it - and no difference in the rule for either child.

floss2

madcatwoman wrote: »

it does seem from some of the replies and other parents that I have spoken to that parents have less problem letting sons girlfiends staying over than daughters boyfriends which seems very unfair and a bit odd

Not really - I think it depends on your own experiences. I have sons, but if I had a daughter she would get the same rule. My sons were always told that as long as they were living under my roof, they had to live by my rules....no matter how odd / cruel / unfair they were!

Greener_Grass

I would agree if you don't trust this girl then say no, Also giving the time they have been together I would be saying no and tell your son you will have a rethink if they are still together in a few months time

My mum always had no bother with my bf staying over from 16 at her house but my dad would never have let me, Before i moved in with my oh he used to stay at our house only because he lived at the other side of the country and there was nowhere else for him to stay, We were made to sleep in seperate rooms though (me 23, him 22).

I would say if you are going to have sex with your partner it doesn't matter if you are allowed to stay in the same room or seperate rooms, you will always find a way, You won't stop them having sex just because they cannot stay over at your house.

I'm also the oldest one in my family and it still infuriates me younger siblings get treated differently by miles!!! :mad: I also hate the rule one rule for boys and another for girls! :mad:

Rant over

andyaj0807

madcatwoman wrote: »

Thanks for all of your replies, some of which made me laugh! It is good to get the views of the youngsters as well. It does make me feel uncomfortable, and I am not sure why. He is nearly 20 and he is an adult. He is not in a very well paid job and I feel he could be living at home for many years to come, wheras his sister has a very good degree and a good job and will probably be moving out soon. I am not sure whe would ask now for her boyfriend to stay over as her bedroom is next to ours, but she did when she was younger and home from Uni for holidays. She has had two serious boyfriends, not with either of them now, and I did not want to bump into them on the landing in the morning!! My husband very very definate that my daughters boyfriend has to stay in the spare room, but as my sons room is not in the house, he is also unsure how he feels about it. He thinks he is not happy with it but is not sure what to do. In answer to one of your questions, he does pay rent. The den does not have a bathroom, so they do have to come into the house to use the bathroom. I think I am worried that he might not stay with this girl for more than a few weeks and we could then have a string of them staying over. Also, this girl lives on her own in a flat in a very rough area, does not seem to work much and lives on benefits and I would not want him staying up there or getting drawn into that lifestyle. We have never claimed any benefits as a family and feel uncomfortable with her way of life. Confused???

They might only last for 3 weeks because the girlfriend may find the parents (you) over pretective... I think he brought her around way to soon! And he should atleast tell you when he is bringing her around...

Maybe you should sit down and have a talk with him just to say you are concerned he is geting with the right person and not to get in with the bad croud, or you should go out for a meal with him and his g/f and get to know them a bit better!...

They are always going to find ways to do it, no matta where they are, but, they are not doing nothing illegal. Your son can make his own choice at his age.

Just tell him you feel unconfortable and you want to get to know his g/f a bit more before she can sleep around the house again. Say you will all go for a meal (Not a Mcdonalds!) so you can get to know her. And take it from there! Even tho she may live in the roughest of areas, doesn't make her rough!

I would also suggest to put a condom machine in the out house, you could actualy make a bit of money! Charge £2 a pack!

Just remeber it is your house, so can tell him what to do but as i said, he is old enough to do what he wants and has sex with who he wants... He is still growing up.

jillymit

madcatwoman wrote: »

it does seem from some of the replies and other parents that I have spoken to that parents have less problem letting sons girlfiends staying over than daughters boyfriends which seems very unfair and a bit odd

Not really, I can understand how having a sons girlfriend stay over seems less intrusive some how. The comment about bumping into them on the landing in the morning struck a cord with me as when my son's mates used to stop over I felt a bit awkward walking around in my PJs.
Edit. Not sure how my husband would feel if it was a young lady stopping over as DS1 never had a girl stop over and is now at uni and DS2 is only 10 so we haven't got to that stage with him (yet)

tiptoes27

I have read all your replies - thanks everyone. Having another think about it all I know that if it was a case her her staying in his bedroom it would be a deiniate no but we did give him the room outside so he could have a bit more independence from us and I suppose that is what he is doing. I thin k some of you are right he should have asked and I am going to talk to him later about that. He always asks is his mates can come over and if they can stay and I think he did not ask cos he thought we would say no. I am worried about pushing him away from home though as he is still very young for his age and can be a bit 'hotheaded' and stubborn. He is very good in other ways, never gets into any trouble and is a a hard worker. I suppose I am worried about him just walking out and going to live with her as he does seem very keen. This has happened to a close friend of mine recently with her 17 year old son walking out to live with a girl and her family and giving up his job so I suppose that is on my mind.