19 year old son's girlfriend to stay over?

tiptoes27

Not sure if this is the right place for this question but here goes -

System

Its a difficult one, after all its your home and your rules should stand, that said i've always resented the fact my parents refused to let my bfs stay over, especially with my ex who i was with for 3 years and even lived with when at uni! Once you're over 18 you're essentially an adult and if you act like one then surely you deserve to be treated like one. Is there anyway you could sit your son down and have a talk and perhaps compromise? Such as letting her stay over one night a week, or meeting her first? After all if he isn't doing it at your house he will be doing it somewhere else (sorry i know as a parent you probably don't wnat to to be thinking about that!

In regards to not letting your daughter, she was younger then, but if you were to say your son could have girlfriends stay over, would you be able to let your daughter do the same? If not then maybe it wouldn't be fair to let him.

barnaby-bear

madcatwoman wrote: »

Not sure if this is the right place for this question but here goes -
I have two children living at home. A daughter of 22 and a son of 19. My son has a 'den' in the back garden which he has his music etc in and friends often stay over night. He also has a bedroom in the house that he sleeps in, but does have a sofa bed in the 'den' and sometimes sleeps out there. He has just started going out with a girl and she came home with him the other night unbenown to us. They were out in the den playing on a Xbox when we got up in the morning and I know this is likely to happen again. I am not sure how I feel about it as I don't have a problem with his friends being out there all night and it feels odd to say she cannot be there because she is a girl.
When my daughter was 18 she asked if her boyfriend could stay in her room and I said no as I felt uncomfortable with it. Just feel confused and not sure what to do.............. help

Does he pay rent?

jcr16

this is really only a choice you can make . it is your house . so there fore your rule's. When i lived at home my hubby ( then fiancee) was never allowed to stay. he stayed one night and that night he slept in my room and i slept in the spare room. but my hubbys parents let me stay over without any worries. i was 19 hubby was 20.

we didn't think any less of my parents because they said no. after being together 5 months we bought our first home together.

Glen0000

It is not odd at all to have different rules for the sexes. He doesnt have sex with his male friends ( I assume he isnt gay)!

Your house. Your rules. If you feel uncomfortable the answer should be no.

My wife and I were allowed to stay over as teens and now I think our parents were irresponsible as it contributed to my wife getting pregnant very young.

barnaby-bear

madcatwoman wrote: »

When my daughter was 18 she asked if her boyfriend could stay in her room and I said no as I felt uncomfortable with it. Just feel confused and not sure what to do.............. help

And how's big sister going to feel now if little bro is treated differently.....

McKneff

Glen0000 wrote: »

It is not odd at all to have different rules for the sexes. He doesnt have sex with his male friends ( I assume he isnt gay)!

Your house. Your rules. If you feel uncomfortable the answer should be no.

My wife and I were allowed to stay over as teens and now I think our parents were irresponsible as it contributed to my wife getting pregnant very young.

I cant beleive this last sentence, your blaming your parents because yur wife got pregnant when you were young :eek:. Did you not know how babies were made or did it not occur to you. Presumably your parents were giving you the benefit of the doubt that you were being 'careful and responsible'

If you hadnt been having unprotected irresponsible sex in your parents house, you would have been having unprotected irresponsible sex somewhere else. anywhere else, when your teenagers.

98jdougl

barnaby-bear wrote: »

And how's big sister going to feel now if little bro is treated differently.....

As the older sibling (and I know I am not a rare case) you quickly get used to the younger siblings eing able to do things at a younger age

The_Jester

Plant a secret spy camera in the 'Den' and post it up here later on!

melancholly

i think the biggest issue is that he didn't ask you (or even tell you!)... that's the thing that is rude. of course he wants his girlfriend to stay over, he's 19 and male! not considering that it's your house is the problem - although if you said no to your daughter at a similar age, maybe he didn't ask because he thought he knew the answer? whether or not it's ok for a girl to stay depends on him, the girl and you - there is no answer that suits every family, despite some of the posts that always come up on these types of thread. i'd recommend a chat with him about it - he will cringe and hate it, but without that, i can't see how any 'decision' is possible.

greyster

madcatwoman wrote: »

Not sure if this is the right place for this question but here goes -
I have two children living at home. A daughter of 22 and a son of 19. My son has a 'den' in the back garden which he has his music etc in and friends often stay over night. He also has a bedroom in the house that he sleeps in, but does have a sofa bed in the 'den' and sometimes sleeps out there. He has just started going out with a girl and she came home with him the other night unbenown to us. They were out in the den playing on a Xbox when we got up in the morning and I know this is likely to happen again. I am not sure how I feel about it as I don't have a problem with his friends being out there all night and it feels odd to say she cannot be there because she is a girl.
When my daughter was 18 she asked if her boyfriend could stay in her room and I said no as I felt uncomfortable with it. Just feel confused and not sure what to do.............. help

Why not comprimise, let her stay over but not in the same room when they sleep.