It's never going to happen for me.

Bogof_Babe

Pssst wrote: »

I wonder how many guys and girls would be happy just to have some kind of blessing ceremony,with exchange of rings etc but without the actual legal bit...so effectively you have committed to eachother but are not legally married?

After all,the committment bit is the important bit. The Legal bit is all about bestowing various rights with regard to permissions,property,money and children.

I don't see what would be the point of that.

daphne_descends

The legal bit is the point if you have kids!

Mme.Hibou

Pssst wrote: »

I wonder how many guys and girls would be happy just to have some kind of blessing ceremony,with exchange of rings etc but without the actual legal bit...so effectively you have committed to each other but are not legally married?

Some friends of ours did this, they got married at a festival with all their family and friends with them, this was 2nd after this though ..

Pssst wrote: »

After all,the committment bit is the important bit. The Legal bit is all about bestowing various rights with regard to permissions,property,money and children.

They got legally married first with just the 2 sets of parents, exchanged rings and then took them off until their "wedding" a couple of weeks later. They wanted it to be legal for the sake of the house and their DD but wanted to get married without the constraints of a legal procedure.

Pssst

daphne_descends wrote: »

The legal bit is the point if you have kids!

Presumably there are other mechanisms by which the individual rights of each parent can be recognised?

Bogof_Babe

Pssst wrote: »

Presumably there are other mechanisms by which the individual rights of each parent can be recognised?

Even if there are (and I can't think of any), it would make it a sort of legal marriage, so why not just have a legal marriage?

Pssst

Bogof_Babe wrote: »

Even if there are (and I can't think of any), it would make it a sort of legal marriage, so why not just have a legal marriage?

Because divorce is often grossly unfair to men?

A friend of mine...his partner,to whom he was married,upped and left to live with another man. The parting was reasonably amicable given the circumstances. Anyway,after her nosey mates had chatted to her and after a solicitor had advised her,she duly headed for the courts, fleeced him for a stack of cash,including half his pension entitlement and other sundry items.

frannyann

From a slightly less negative point of view, could it be that the idea of being 'center of attention' all day is his worse nightmare!! I say this as someone who has avoided the whole 'wedding' thing as I couldn't think of any thing more awful, plus a divorce under my belt didn't help (wedding hijacked by in-laws) If the 'marriage' bit is the most important maybe letting him know that you, him and the registery office is fine by you?? My OH did this and then I realised I wasn't being fair to him (took me 7 years:o) Now we have compromised at full blown wedding but only small number of people, and only now am I excited about it all. It was the worry of it all that kept putting me off!

frannyann

Pssst wrote: »

Because divorce is often grossly unfair to men?

A friend of mine...his partner,to whom he was married,upped and left to live with another man. The parting was reasonably amicable given the circumstances. Anyway,after her nosey mates had chatted to her and after a solicitor had advised her,she duly headed for the courts, fleeced him for a stack of cash,including half his pension entitlement and other sundry items.

Just for fairness, the courts can treat women just the same! Just talk to my friend who has lost half the house (even though she paid for 75% of it) plus half her pension, because he never did an honest days work and she earnt the money so they could eat! I am sorry for your friend but courts are getting better at avoiding this outcome, my own divorce was a case of 'you only got what you put in' even though we had a child together, due to CSA now sorting (badly LOL) the child support.

becs

Going back to what Melinda Messenger had said, she meant it in that because they have children together and they are married it would have meant going through a divorce and custody and all that goes with it. When she was seperated she thought long and hard about what they would have to go through as a family and it made her re evaluate the situation. She decided it wasn't worth throwing it all away without giving it another go. SHe also said if she could have had a quick hassle free divorce then she probably would have done this as the full reality of the situation would not have had time to sink in and she was glad that wasn't the case. I'm not saying that people should stay together in miserable marriages but when you look at the couples that are happy together after 50,60,70 years do you not think they have had their problems and times when they could have ended it all? I think working at something makes you stronger and brings you closer as a couple and sadly until recently it has been all too easy to not put that effort in. I think a lot of women get carried away in the fairytal wedding and see it as the end of the story, the happy ever after rather than chapter 1 of what will be a lifetime of mixed emotions where some days you would cheerfully throttle each others then other days where you find that initial flush of love again. It's meant to be the longest relationship we'll ever have and how many times do we fall out with friennds and relatives so it's inevitable it's not always going to be rosy in the garden!

daphne_descends

Pssst wrote: »

Presumably there are other mechanisms by which the individual rights of each parent can be recognised?

You can probably stipulate most of what is important in your will, but these can be contested and sometimes invalid - unlike a marriage.

If your partner dies without a will, where do you stand? Nowhere, really.

Ok, far-fetched scenario 1: your partner is badly injured in an accident. You want treatment X for him/her. Your partners parents come on the scene and argue that they want treatment Y for him/her. Big dispute, you are cut out, and then have no right to even make hospital visits because you're not family. Where are the children in all this? In a tug of war between parent A and their grandparents.

Far-fetched scenario 2: your partner wins the lottery and leaves you. You starve and freeze and your children have no shoes. Great!

I know I said they were far-fetched... but what if?