It's never going to happen for me.

Baby_in_the_corner

I think it sounds like you've got it sorted and that's great news - both of you need to be happy and if marriage would make you happy then go for it with everything you've got! If he's agreeing to it then that's half the battle won, right?! My OH wasn't keen, but since proposing he's like a changed man - a proper groomzilla! Miracles do happen and dreams definitely come true - I wish you all the best and hope you get your hapy ending x

Errata

Some men are like racehorses - they need a good shove to get them into the starting stalls, but they can perform beyond all expectations in the race.
Sounds like the OP's OH needs the 'dog' treatment. Very clear and precise instructions with no assumptions and no ambiguity. Women who fail to recognise this can find themselves in the kitchen banging the pots and pans around to no avail

PolishBigSpender

Claire_Bear wrote: »

Why is it so important for you to get married in such a rush?

Probably because she's in her thirties? Also it looks like she wants to do it all in the right order - first marriage, then kids

Claire_Bear wrote: »

If you love the guy then be happy you're with him, and trust that he'll stick to his word and propose to you at the end of the year. Maybe he has good reason for waiting,

I was thinking that maybe he's just saving money for a decent ring?
Don't worry too much, stop talking about getting married. Instead, start going out with your friends and try to be a little bit mysterious. Mention also that some "really handsome guy in the pub" was trying to get your phone number. Stop looking through wedding pages, don't mention any rings, make it look like you're not interested.
If he still hasn't proposed after 4 months, move out to make him miss you. Otherwise, he's got all the benefits of being married without the actual commitment!

anguk

I really do hope that you get what you want but I would be very careful about pushing your boyfriend too much. I've known a few couples who were very much in love and commited to each other but the woman was desperate to get married while the man wasn't too bothered.

The women have ended up giving the men an ultimatum, propose within x amount of months or I'm off, and because the man loves her and doesn't want to lose her he's proposed. The men have later admitted that they felt pushed and almost blackmailed into proposing and they've resented that.

I can understand that marriage is extemely important to some people (especially women) but I do think that sometimes the proposal & wedding becomes more important than the actual relationship.

I certainly don't think you should stay in a relationship just because you're frightened that it's too late to start again and have children but I also don't think you should throw away a good relationship with a good man just because he hasn't proposed.

I wouldn't want to get married to a man that I've had to push or almost force to propose to me, but that's just my own personal feelings.

Mister_aaa

anguk wrote: »

I really do hope that you get what you want but I would be very careful about pushing your boyfriend too much. I've known a few couples who were very much in love and commited to each other but the woman was desperate to get married while the man wasn't too bothered.

The women have ended up giving the men an ultimatum, propose within x amount of months or I'm off, and because the man loves her and doesn't want to lose her he's proposed. The men have later admitted that they felt pushed and almost blackmailed into proposing and they've resented that.

I can understand that marriage is extemely important to some people (especially women) but I do think that sometimes the proposal & wedding becomes more important than the actual relationship.

I certainly don't think you should stay in a relationship just because you're frightened that it's too late to start again and have children but I also don't think you should throw away a good relationship with a good man just because he hasn't proposed.

I wouldn't want to get married to a man that I've had to push or almost force to propose to me, but that's just my own personal feelings.

What she said. Much better than an earlier quote

men are so simple minded unlike us women

:rolleyes:

As a male of the species, if a woman were to give me an ultimatum like that. I'd be out of the door.

I just don't think he wants to marry you, either that or you are not giving him the opportunity to plan it and surprise you, by constantly reminding him about it.

grastgirl

I think you have had both sides of the argument already. My own OH took 7 1/2 years to propose, and I know he'd planned it for one date, then something came up, then planned another date and something came up, eventually he asked at the third opportunity. He's terribly shy and he takes these sorts of decisions seriously. He said he would have asked sooner, but he didn't feel ready for the wedding day itself, he was happy to be getting married (he'd have been happy disappearing off to Gretna Green, but he knew I wouldn't be).

Regarding the flat, don't let the agent bully you into spending money to extend the contract, there's probably no reason it has to be rewritten, it can just roll over. If you are happy with the tenant just let them know that you want to roll it over and see what they say (they may want the security of a set term contract).

Pssst

I really do hope it works out for Kynthia...hopefully she will be mindfull of all the comments from well meaning posters.

May i digress a little?

Would you say it would a reasonable concern for a man with regard to marriage,in respect of his position should you divorce?

I'm thinking specifically about the unfair way in which men are treated regarding occupational pensions and similar.

becs

Kynthia,
I'll add my twopenneth worth to just say I totally get where you are coming from on the whole getting married, age, children thing however you seem to have lost sight of the most important thing and that is just getting married. Every girl dreams of the flashy, romantic surprise proposal but come on ladies that is what happens in chick flicks and we are dealing with men here! Yes there are some romantic ones out there but the majority don't even give it a second thought. My hubby didn't have a grand proposal, we both had talked about getting married and knew we would do and were talking about it again one evening and in the middle of an advert break in Corrie actually asked! Was a little miffed that he hadn't done in 2 weeks previously when we were enjoying a luxury suite overlooking Niagra Falls with a double bath that you could sit in and enjoy the views! Very romantic but no the Corrie advert was obviously his moment! No ring, no down on one knee just a very causal proposal. At the end of the day being married to him was the most important thing to me and how we got to that bit doesn't really matter in the end. We got married 2 years ago and had a fabulous day and are extremely happy together.
So I guess I'm saying don't lose sight of what you really want by being blinded by fantasy.

Quote

PolishBigSpender wrote: »

Also it looks like she wants to do it all in the right order - first marriage, then kids

1979 called. It wants its attitude back.

becs

Quote wrote: »

1979 called. It wants its attitude back.

That's a bit harsh! I don't think there's anything wrong with old fashioned values. Id say the state of society in 1979 was considerably better than it is now so they must have done something right!