It's never going to happen for me.

Kynthia

Thanks for your replies.

I dissagree that I'm rushing him. We've been together almost five years and we're not really young. He's known from early on in our relationship that marriage is important to me.

When I asked him why he hasn't proposed he doesn't really say anything. When I ask him if he wants to marry me and start a family he says he does. I do ask him if he has doubts or doesn't want to marry me but he says he wants to marry me. I worry that in four months time I'll still be without a proposal as I suspect he thinks it will magically happen somehow without him organising it.

It's not something that I've gone on about every couple of months, but for the past two months it has been mentioned a few times. It is something that keeps me up at night as my worst nightmare is that I keep waiting for marriage until he finally tells me it's not what he wants, then by the time I recover and meet someone else I am too old to have children.

Maybe telling him I'm not prepared to wait another four months for a proposal will make him realise how upset I am. I've got until the end of the month to let the agent know what's happening, if he wanted he could take me to dinner or for a romantic walk any time over the next two weeks. It doesn't take four months to propose.

Mme.Hibou

Genuine question, but what happens if he doesn't propose after 4 months? What are you going to do? Sit around and wait until he says hang on for another 6 months?

He honestly shouldn't have put a time limit on it, saying 4 months to you is keeping you hanging and it's not fair. He may have the best proposal in the history of all proposals and may make you rich and famous, but giving you a time frame is frankly very mean.

I was with my ex for over 5 years, we talked about marriage but he never proposed, he told me 2 weeks after we broke up he was going to do it on my birthday - t0sser.

You need to think long and hard about all of this, is he going to stipulate time frames to you if you do get engaged? Setting a wedding date, having children, moving house?

rene2b

i understand what your saying:you want to get married befor having kids(i think lol)and your clock is ticking
and if all fails you need your flat to live in
id bet him to it and ask him!

rene2b

Lydia82 wrote: »

Genuine question, but what happens if he doesn't propose after 4 months? What are you going to do? Sit around and wait until he says hang on for another 6 months?

He honestly shouldn't have put a time limit on it, saying 4 months to you is keeping you hanging and it's not fair. He may have the best proposal in the history of all proposals and may make you rich and famous, but giving you a time frame is frankly very mean.

I was with my ex for over 5 years, we talked about marriage but he never proposed, he told me 2 weeks after we broke up he was going to do it on my birthday - t0sser.

You need to think long and hard about all of this, is he going to stipulate time frames to you if you do get engaged? Setting a wedding date, having children, moving house?

Lydia82 is right hun,:T

Claire_Bear

If he says he wants to marry you but avoids the question when you ask why he hasn't proposed already, but asks you to wait such a specific amount of time as four months, maybe he's planning something special, like a holiday or Christmas/New Year, or a special annoversary or something? Four months isn't too far away (even if it seems like it!), so maybe wait until the time is up, and if nothing special has cropped up, then give him an ultimatum? It's just that four months is quite a specific and odd amount of time to ask you to wait Or do you honestly think he'd get to the end of the time and decide not to propose? Does he give you similar time frames for other things or is this the first time he's done anything like it?

Errata

Ask him to marry you, it will save time and you can agree to become officially engaged on Christmas Day. Until then, you're unoffically engaged if he accepts your proposal.
Does he procrastinate in other areas of his life ?

bubblybee

I think if he hasn't given you a timeframe before and broken it, you have no reason to believe he won't this time. Let your place get rented out again for 6 months, if after the four months is up and things don't go the way you want you can always rent somwhere yourself temporarily for two months. Has he messed you around before? I have to disagree with some of the other posts. You can't force the issue if this is the first time he has promised to propose. See what happens. Don't give him an ultimatum yet. Wait until the new year then decide.

If he has constantly messed you around and promised you the earth before and not delivered, then you have reason to worry. Go with gut instinct in this case.

I would say one thing though. Is marriage the be all and end all. I've been with my OH for 7 years. I don't need marriage. I know he is committed.

Pssst

Kynthia..IMHO you should move back into your flat and consider your future with this guy.

I agree you have waited long enough but if YOU dont take action then you will just keep on waiting and it may never happen.

Its clear that what you want is to be and feel properly married and that this will be a foundation for a proper family.

Those things are clearly important for you.

Did you guys discuss this earlier in your relationship?

Time is not really on your side.

You need to make some tough decisions.

Worst case scenario..you move back into yours,get back on the dating scene and find someone who positively wants the same as you. Joining a dating agency would accelerate that process. There really are plenty of (other) fish in the sea.

Kynthia

Thanks guys, I appreciate you taking the time to reply.

Marriage is very important to me. I know it isn't to everyone and and don't expect everyone to feel the same as me. However, I just couldn't fathom having a child with someone who refuses to join with me legally beforehand. I don't want to get into this argument because as long as both in each couple agree with each other, that's all that counts. :beer:
He isn't one for messing me around. He's almost the perfect boyfriend. He's really quiet and easy going whereas I'm vocal and bossy. Therefore people think I get my own way because I say what I want. However I think the quiet ones have more power as they quietly don't do what they don't want to do. :rotfl:

What worries me is that I gave him a year last October and nothing's happend. He's almost suprised that October has come round again. I think he's either not given it a thought all year and now needs until the end of the year to organise something, or it's just another postponement that could be repeated again and again.

Bogof_Babe

You're lucky to have your own flat to "escape" to, even if just for a trial separation type of thing. Doing that will certainly clear the muddy waters once and for all - I'd bet he'll come running after you with a ring box in his hand!

If it does sort things out and you decide to move back in with him again, but on your own terms (i.e. definite marriage date agreed and arrangements commenced) you can always instruct another letting agent, or put your flat on the market.

You have a right to a say in this too you know.