How to deal with ex

Jo_R_2

Spendless wrote: »

Has the baby been born early? Otherwise why did you make plans for this time? Who's having your baby? Couldn't they also have taken the girls on this occassion? I can completely see why you've tackled your ex about the subject (I have friend's in the same situation) but I think you've just the wrong time to do it.

No the baby was born late, over two weeks late. They were actually thinking it would be earlier... Tbh I just can't get my head around what has been said about not planning things because their baby was due (no disrespect, just been thinking about it seriously) - I wouldn't have dared say to them, please don't make any appointments or arrangements or plan to do anything that might get in the way if I want you to have DDs around the time our baby is due - I don't know how far you would take that but potentially could that not be a month (say two weeks either side of due date - more for me as my babies like to be three weeks late!) that anyone would have had to empty their diaries? I just think that's incredibly rude - I can't imagine saying that to them

OH's mum is helping us out with baby - I wouldn't ask her to help with DDs as well as she finds them quite a handful anyway!

I understand the principle, of course, so if it makes me a bad person to not have not made or cancelled any plans or anything going on in my life for when they have their baby then I am a bad person obviously!

It's not to do with how I feel about my DDs - in that respect what I want is for them to have as good a relationship with their dad, stepmum and baby as possible as part of their family as we are family here at our home.

Anyway - as far as me and ex are concerned it's sorted, worked through it, it's water under the bridge now and hopefully communications and plans will be better on both sides and DDs can enjoy seeing their new baby

shellsuit

Never make plans for yourself and/or children if you can't rely on him.

I could never rely on the kids Dad when they were younger and would often let us down at the last minute.

There's only one person I could ever rely on not to let me down and that was my Dad!


Can't believe you called your ex up though and had it out with him this weekend, couldn't it have waited until next week?!

oystercatcher

Jo_R wrote: »

- I wouldn't have dared say to them, please don't make any appointments or arrangements or plan to do anything that might get in the way if I want you to have DDs around the time our baby is due - I don't know how far you would take that but potentially could that not be a month (say two weeks either side of due date - more for me as my babies like to be three weeks late!) that anyone would have had to empty their diaries? I just think that's incredibly rude - I can't imagine saying that to them

It's not the sort of thing you ask...you just do it automatically. It's common sense and courtesy to think about other peoples needs. So yes you automatically assume that for the last month or so of a pregnancy you can't have any commitment from people. It's not that often that people have a baby.
They should have automatically considered you in the same way you shouldn't have needed to ask.
Considerate people even offer extra help at these times !