a warning

sad_and_mad

This is a warning to all hard working individuals who try and achieve something in their lives.

I started seeing a man in 1992. He lived some distance from me and he used to come down at weekends. I was living in my council house with my 2 children. I was working part-time and claiming family credit and rent rebate. This relationship continued until 1994. I used to have students to subsidize my income, and this enabled me to save up some money as well. I have always been the sort of person to need some financial security behind me. Anyway in 1994 I had a 15-year-old student. Suffice it to say that they contacted each other after she had gone home. As I now know this continued for a year. In 1995 he informed me he didn’t know what was wrong with him. He needed to get away and work abroad for a year and then he would move up to me and be in a proper relationship. He went away for a year and ultimately a year later I found out he had been living with her and she was pregnant. I was devastated. He then went out and got drunk and crashed his car head on and hurt 3 other people. He then begged me to help him come back to this country because he was going to be prosecuted. STUPIDLY I KNOW I agreed and a friend of mine went out there and drove him back.
He then started his own building business and I helped him. I did everything for him. I started working full time and applied for the right to buy. He never contributed in any significant way and I did not want to claim family credit when I was living with him. He then became the most horrible person to live with. He bullied my children and bullied me.
The crux us he also did a lot of work on the house. Most of it was his idea. He had building equipment all over the side of the house and was too tight to rent a yard. I complained and he built a garage at the side of the house. I paid for a lot of the materials and also took no rent. I never have taken rent from him. The only way he contributed was with paying for a bit of labour for the work done and buying some materials. I have spent app 10K on those types of expenses in those years and he spent about 6K. I had no debt at all when I first met him.

I bought my house cheap and he didn’t want me to buy it he wanted me to get a mortgage and buy another one with him. I refused coz he didn’t earn enough. He didn’t want to pay tax and minimised his tax every year. This meant he found it impossible to get his own mortgage and became very bitter towards the kids and me.
Then I decided to buy a small apartment abroad. I raised the equity on my house and he told everyone he didn’t want me to buy that either. He caused no end of problems for me with neighbours etc. I bought the apartment anyway and have since had to spend so much money making sure the mortgage is paid because the rent doesn’t cover it. The year I bought the apartment he had been accusing me of stealing from him and it culminated in him leaving. That was nearly 3 years ago and he has made my life hell. He says we had a verbal agreement that the house and flat were half his and he wouldn’t have done the work he did if there wasn’t. I have paid thousands in solicitor’s bills to stop him getting a charge on the house. His latest trick is to give up work and get legal aid to sue me for 65K. I have paid off 18K of credit card debt accrued whilst with him. My savings I had before we met are nearly all gone. I have two mortgages. I am trying to sell the flat but I know I will loose a lot of money on it. We are going to court soon and my solicitor ahs said it will cost me another 10K but he will get something because he built the garage. He has no evidence whatsoever, and he doesn’t have to pay to do this. He knows he wont actually get any money from me because anything he gets will go to pay his legal aid but he knows he is breaking me. He has mucked all our heads up and I am still dealing of the after effects of the relationship with my teenagers. Instead of being there for them I have been fighting him off.
He is now saying I stole all his undeclared cash income or that he gave it to me and didn’t understand what I was doing with it and therefore I defrauded the Inland Revenue. The truth was he never earnt much cash and what he did he didn’t tell me about because I would of worried if he didn’t declare it.
The upshot is that I am now in debt and will be in a lot more debt very soon, I may even lose our home.
He on the other hand works hand to mouth hiding his true income and living off the back of one woman after another. He has 2 children and has never paid for them. He dosn’t know what council tax is. I now owe 120K in mortgages 4K on credit cards and have spent 180K on bills, food, mortgage, council tax etc since 1997 and he spent 25K on foods bills etc. All this for a house I originally bought for 30K 6 years ago !!
All of you out there living in a rented house,if you decide to buy it while your living with someone, make sure you don’t let them do anything for you because it dosn’t matter what you do for them – that dosn’t count, but one day you could get sued for everything he/she did for you. Always see a solicitor

moo842

((((hugs)))) i'm sorry things are so rough for you at the moment. i really don't know what to say!

lynzpower

Oh my god, this is awful...

Hugs to you xx

ms_london

Hi Sad and Mad. I really am sorry to hear what you've been through. I hope he gets his come uppance - try and stay strong!! xx

rchddap1

That's a terrible story. He'll get it in the end...these sorts of people always do. Be strong and you can get through this in one peice.

sad_and_mad

Well thanks for reading and I seriously hope youre all right ! Wish me luck in Court !!

Jo_R_2

Hi sad and mad

So sorry things are looking bad for you. It sounds like he is a very nasty piece of work - and it also sounds like he is telling a lot of tall tales. Hopefully the truth will out but sometimes that's not everything is it?

Take care of yrself and yr children and you *will* get through this.

**purpleprincess**

Good luck, hope he gets his comeuppance. When are you due in court?

lynzpower

So whats happening now, he is suing you?

rchddap1

Had a thought about the Inland Revenue 'accusation'....would have thought that as its his income it would be his responsibility to report it. Even if he then gave it to you (or even if you stole it....as if). You didn't earn it so not your responsiblity....at least that's my theory anyway.

ozzyfan_2

good luck in court sad & mad, what an awful thing to happen but try & be brave & fingers crossed it will all go well for you :grouphug: