How do you find a time for yourself?

pinkshoes

It's about self respect though.

If you started a poll on here, I'm quite sure most women would tell you that if their husband/OH refused to wash up, then they wouldn't bother cooking for them!

If your husband respected you, and appreciated your cooking, he would wash up and clean the kitchen.

MrsTinks

You find the replies offensive... but doesn't the fact that all the replies are along the same lines tell you something?
I haven't seen any offensive replies so far - so not sure what you are getting upset over? The fact that people find the status quo in your household very unfair on you? That you need to start making your marriage into more of a partnership than a monarchy?
Would anyone doing a full time job AND all the cooking and cleaning AND spending a "forced" 2 hours watching a film they probably don't want to watch with their husbands find time to themselves? No, probably not. And if you think it's tough now then wait for when/if you have kids!

If you are happy for him to do nothing at home then by all means - but I would refrain from mentioning it on an open forum unless you want peoples opinion about it...

Katie-Kat-Kins

I know people mean well but I think some of the comments could be interpreted as being a bit offensive especially to someone a bit sensitive or unsed to posting in public forums.

Bufger wrote: »

You're a wife not a slave. Make time for yourself.

Successful marriage = comprimise.

Calls her a slave, and suggests her marriage is failing.....

Any wrote: »

That's not husband, that man of yours, that is lazy sexist pig.

Now that is just name calling, for all we know this is not anything to do with sexism or laziness......

juliescot wrote: »

What a sad thread and what a poor excuse for a marriage.
It depresses me to see that this sort of thing still goes on.

Again pretty offensive, saying she has a bad marriage and talking about this being depressing. He isn't abusing her, she's just short of time.

Seriously she came here for help, maybe she does need to get her DH to do more of his fair share but maybe there is a reason she does the majority, different working hours, a physical job, etc or maybe he does plenty round the house but she is feeling overwhelmed trying to do her share AND keep up high standards of personal grooming.

I wonder if part of the solution is to consider whether all the treatments make you happy or whether you feel stressed and pressured. If they don't make you happy ditch them. If they do work out a way to fit them in. For example for day to day life long false nails are too high maintenance so have short tidy buffed natural nails and painted toes and get falsies for special occasions. Same with the tan, maybe go natural and just get a st tropez for occasions. But then perhaps fit in the maassage and hair removal by going after work and making that night takeaway night, or by going on a saturday morning before you do anything else. Lunchtime can be a good time for quicker treatments too.

Seriously OP don't stop posting, you will get good help on here. Consider posting on health beauty and fashion too, the ladies on there are good at advising on personal grooming and understand how important it can be.

jenhug

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liney

You can't create time, so if you want time for yourself then you need to stop doing everything you are doing in order to be able to do other things. There are things that need to be done daily, but they do not need to be done by only you.

You asked how other people have time, and it's simply because their partner shares household responsibilities.

Your husband might not like washing up, and he might not be able to dust because of breathinbg problems...... but why can't he cook a meal, do the washing/ironing, clean the bathroom etc? Think about what he is actually saying when he refuses to help you: this task is too menial for me, but it's ok for you to be carrying on with.

Oldernotwiser

amalis wrote: »

i feel that this discussion is already far away from the initial topic. Some comments about me or my husband I found really offensive. I did not tell what are we doing for living or what is our financial situation and some of you already made far going conclusions about my IQ.
Yes, we do have some small issues about home work, but there is a reason the way we run the house like this. All I asked is how it is possible to find time having such a schedule. Only few answers were helpfull.

I think from your language that you're not from the UK.If so, is it part of your culture that the man does nothing in the house.

juliescot

KatP wrote: »

I know people mean well but I think some of the comments could be interpreted as being a bit offensive especially to someone a bit sensitive or unsed to posting in public forums.



Calls her a slave, and suggests her marriage is failing.....



Now that is just name calling, for all we know this is not anything to do with sexism or laziness......



Again pretty offensive, saying she has a bad marriage and talking about this being depressing. He isn't abusing her, she's just short of time.

Seriously she came here for help, maybe she does need to get her DH to do more of his fair share but maybe there is a reason she does the majority, different working hours, a physical job, etc or maybe he does plenty round the house but she is feeling overwhelmed trying to do her share AND keep up high standards of personal grooming.

I wonder if part of the solution is to consider whether all the treatments make you happy or whether you feel stressed and pressured. If they don't make you happy ditch them. If they do work out a way to fit them in. For example for day to day life long false nails are too high maintenance so have short tidy buffed natural nails and painted toes and get falsies for special occasions. Same with the tan, maybe go natural and just get a st tropez for occasions. But then perhaps fit in the maassage and hair removal by going after work and making that night takeaway night, or by going on a saturday morning before you do anything else. Lunchtime can be a good time for quicker treatments too.

Seriously OP don't stop posting, you will get good help on here. Consider posting on health beauty and fashion too, the ladies on there are good at advising on personal grooming and understand how important it can be.

I do find it depressing which is why I said so.
That is my point of view.

I hope the OP has a very happy marriage but personally I am saddened when one party in a relationship seems to be in some sort of subservient role.

It is not meant as offensive and I do think that if the OP wishes to have more time for herself then she needs to discuss things with her OH and take more control, as I already posted.

No offence to the OP intended and my apologies if it was taken that way.

Katie-Kat-Kins

Not having a go at all and I appreciate the way you feel Juliescot but I think sometimes the way things are doesn't come accross right on the internet.

She hasn't said that her husband does nothing, and even if she feels that way it may not be the case. There are normally two sides to things like this. The fact is in modern life there generally isn't enough time in the day for everything.

If you were to ask me I'd probably complain that the minute I come in from work I have to start cooking, and often I have already done the shopping on the way home, and then by the time we've cooked and eaten I hardly have any time to put my feet up and relax, and then I've got to put some washing in or hang it out, or strip the bed and DH is always moaning that the pile of clean washing never gets put away. You'd all start saying that I should tell him to do more round the house. But if you asked him he'd say that he works from home and all day while he is trying to work he sees washing up that needs doing, a bathroom that needs cleaning or a floor needing hoovering and he does this and still finds time to sort the rubbish, put the bins out and do his job, but then his DW gets home and wants to talk about her day or wants help unloading the shopping, and he's just getting into his work. Like many couples we both work demanding time consuming and stressful jobs there is very little time for anything else and we would love to have more time to spend enjoying eachother's company. This is a fact of life for many couples, we expect to be able to do the same as our parents did but they often only had one half of the marriage going out to work full time. Sometimes you have to prioritise and let other things slip or you have to employ help.

do_it_today!

Hi all :hello: the lady was looking for some advice on ways of making more time for herself not people's opinions/comments on her marriage or current household arrangements. So even though the situation is one that you wouldnt personally tolerate being critical and berating her for it isnt helpful and it was help she was looking for.... I like Pink Shoes' solution of having set days for his and her time. I would suggest that hubby at least wash up - or get a dishwasher (although there is still the issue of who will load and unload it!)
good luck!

sassyblue

amalis, l don't know what you cook for tea but we don't have a full (meat and veg) meal every night, some nights are beans on toast, ready meal curry cooked in the oven that way not alot of cleaning up or time spent cooking. So those nights are free (for me) to do the ironing or have a pamper night. :T

I do a big clean every weekend and just tidy as l go throughout the week, l'm really fastidious about cleaning l LOVE cleaning! but l have a toddler and a part time job so have to be a bit more relaxed about that, there are only so many hours in the day.

I know you haven't liked some of the comments but it does come across that your husband is not pulling his weight, in this day and age it is NO excuse for a man not to help at home - asthmatic or not! - you are both working full time. I think your husband is out of order to insist you watch a film with him every night why can't you both agree one or two nights of the week and the rest of the evenings are for you!

In any case you do need to have a discussion with him about all this, you have been forewarned about what we think though so watch for anymore excuses he makes or that he'll try to make you feel inadequate...... that way you know the problem really does lie with him not you.