How do you find a time for yourself?

tandraig

jeez - dont you all get it? when her husband is home - he wants time with her.!!! he, as we would see it 'smothers her' he sees it as loving time or together time. he isnt doing wrong - he just doesnt understand she wants a bit of ME time. thier domestic arrangements are between them - but i do understand how someone who is constantly wanting you with them can annoy!
ie during rugby season my OH happily goes off with his mates - for a few weeks in the summer (when he doesnt have his mates to play with) I have to accomodate HIM on saturday afternoons. but as a feisty welshwoman I tell him to !!!!!! off I am going shopping or i take advantage of free taxi service to go where i want!

3onitsway

HeimRoller wrote: »

I am an asthmatic husband, I work while wife is at home with the children.
I don't care what sort of day I have had, she has also been on the go for the same length of time (in fact she has said she will do the night time feeds for our 8 week old on work nights but I have refused to allow this) so when I get home it is both sets of hands to the pump. My one concession is that I be allowed to get in and changed clothes, but after that it is up to both of us to do the chores, share the joys of the family, keep house and ensure we both get some quality time.

Any husband that does not agree with this is, to my mind, being selfish.
I have had time off at home when wife has been out and I know a 3 year old and 8 week old are hard work and demanding (although more mature than my colleagues!!!) and she is entitled to a rest as well.

At the weekends one of us has a lie in on the Saturday and the other on a Sunday.

Share and share alike.

Hey HeimRoller........If it doesn't work out for whatever reason.......will you marry me!

I think the OP has received some good advice, but also some unwanted comments!
Every couple works differently. This is the way they work, and she just wants to fit some me time into this.

A slow cooker/frozen meal a couple of times a week won't harm you and will give you a bit of extra time.
Sitting him down, and telliing him you need 'me' time........(some) Men just don't realise what you do for them.
Do you nails/hair/fake tan/moisturiser in front of the tele while you're watching one of his films.
At the start of our relationship, OH refused to do dishes. I only nagged him for about three weeks, when he went out and bought a dishwasher!

We've got three children now, but when we only had two, my Mum took them away for a weekend........OH and me were rattling around the house wondering what we used to do to fill our time before children! :rotfl:

esmf73

Amalis,

My OH is the same as yours. Let me just say that 11 years down the line, and two children later it has become a very sore subject. My OH works - but seems to think that is all he has to do.

I wasn't bought up in a house like this and it makes me mad. We now have a cleaner (despite me being at home during the day) and I now just leave him to his computer all the time.

Although I can't imagine my life without this man in it, his behaviour has caused me to lose respect for him, and I certainly am not in love with him anymore. If you want to have children you'll need to attempt to sort this out.

As to your original post - when you put the dinner on - can you take a break whilst it is cooking and put a facemask on? Whilst you're watching the film at night - paint your toe and finger nails! You have to tell him that if he wants you to look as gorgeous as possible that he has to give you some time to make yourself gorgeous!!

I read in a book yesterday something along the lines of - you never know when someone is going to sweep you off your feet so keep your bikini line waxed and your body moisturised!!

Where's MY knight in shining armour then?!!!

esmf73

Just done this myself - it's practical advice I'm afraid that you could do tomorrow!

Got up half an hour earlier to enjoy peace and have a coffee to myself. Then when in shower, put hair mask on for 2-3 mins whilst using some exfoilating mits(from Boots - about 1 pound) and some moisturising shower gel.

Put lipstain on instead of lipstick and used products that do 2 things at once! Eg - moisturiser with antiageing!

grannytwice

Hi amalis, obviously you and your husband enjoy spending as much time together as possible which is lovely make the most of it, time flys ,
the easiest way to find time for yourself is perhaps at the weekend get up a little earlier and claim the bathroom nice bubble bath and have a list of what you would like to do , light a candle , and relax, perhaps hubby could be in charge of breakfast he might enjoy that, one thing i have done just to get time on my own is go for a walk in my lunch hour if i need just thinking time , can you combine any beauty treatment along with getting your hair done , how many ladies have a regular hair appointment weekly to relax read a mag and enjoy a quiet cup of coffee.....bliss

yodawg

If he says he won't do the dishes, simply stop doing them yourself. When there's no clean dishes left, tell him you won't cook the dinner because you don't have clean dishes. He'll probably order take aways, but that won't last long. I give him 2 weeks, tops. After a month everything will be the same as now, the difference being he WILL do the dishes EVERY goddamn day.
And it will probably be easier for you to talk him into cleaning and other stuff.

Pee

I do sometimes put on a facemask at home, and it makes my boyfriend laugh, which is fine once every six months but maybe would be undoing the good work if i did it more often?

Doing your nails on the other hand doesn't look silly - actually looks pretty impressive - so i think you can get away with that one in front of the film.

Primrose

amalis - do youi think painted nails, massages, fancy cosmetic treatments are what makes you the person you are? I suspect that the only person who notices that they are not being done is YOU. Married life is more about your personality, not about whether your hair is always immaculately coiffured, your nails painted or your skin sun tanned. I know some really lovely people who never paint their nails, rarely get their hair done, and never bother with make-up apart from the odd splash of lipstick but they are good fun and and have plenty of self-esteem, despite having busy working & married lives. Concentrate on the really important things. I suspect a lot of men would rather live with a woman who has a ready smile and a good sense of humour, rather than one who is always worried about what her nails look like, even if the house is sometimes a little untidy as a result. Life is too short to worry about the trivial things.

BADPENNY_2

I find having some sort of routine helps and also maintainance instead of letting everything build up.( i am talking beauty and housework). I usually set aside 1 evening a week, normally a weds for all my treatments that I do myself then little bits here and there. spend 5 mins before shower each day on feet, pluck any stray eyebrows daily, file and polish nails every other day, takes 10mins in front of telly ect. Hubby understands that these things make me feel good about myself and therefor he also gets the benifit, although he was genuinally astonished the other day when he found a tube of facial hair removal creme in the bathroom cabinet and asked who it belonged to!!

celyn90

I use a day of my leave when I want me time.

amalis wrote: »

my husband will not wash plates, that is already discussed many times with him. and the rest of cleaning.. he is astmatic, so start suffocating every time he starts cleaning dust or hoovering...what can i do?

He will when he runs out of pants and you start using paper plates. What a lazy s!d.

There is no dust with washing up - tell him to pull his finger out and help you. You both work full time, you both do the chores. He is taking advantage.

As for watching the TV every night - that isn't spending time together, that's expecting you to sit still whilst he ignores you.