How do you find a time for yourself?

Bufger

You're a wife not a slave. Make time for yourself.

My fiance has time for herself whenever she wants. We will organise stuff like a film night and organise our own personal nights but make sure they dont mess up the others plans. A typical example of me and my OH would be:

Fancy a movie and takeaway on friday? sure, can we see ..... etc
My mates are going out for a few beers on saturday. Do you have any objection to it? mind if i have a lift out? (works both ways so nobody ever minds).
I'm having a day of beauty and lazyness on saturday so we'll do all the housework on sunday if thats ok with you?

Successful marriage = comprimise.

Someone else tell my OH how lucky she is please. Not only am i funny, good looking and modest but im understanding too.

fay144

I have a similar problem, trying to fit time to clean and cook around work and the time I need for myself. Haven't found a solution...

Some things that help, however, are:
1) accepting that you don't need to cook a meal every day. If my husband and I are doing seperate things in the evening, we'll fend for ourselves. We'll normally have a big lunch at work, then get some toast when we get in.
2) slow cookers - this saves loads of time cooking.
3) a bit of give and take - my husband will do my share of the chores if I am working late or have something on, and I would do likewise for him. This relies on the assumption that you are doing 50/50 to start with though...

I'm a bit mystified about how watching a film together is spending time together though - surely that's just spending time with the tv? Settle down to cut your nails in front of the film, and he'll soon chase you away to the bathroom.

Any

There is the difference between you and OP Fay - "if my husband and I are doing separate things in the evening" - from what the OP was saying she only does what he tells her.

If he won't wash the plates then he can buy dishwasher.
If he wants some time with you, he can clean a bit or help you out with something while you are cooking - then you can spend time together in the time you wouls spend cleaning.

If he won't clean, he can pay for cleaner (I have one and it's a bliss).

My OH is a proper man, brings home good pay and looks after us and would NEVER EVER try the "man thing" at me - "I am a man, I will not wash up". I would kick him in his balls.

That's not husband, that man of yours, that is lazy sexist pig.

Sorry if I upset you, I really didn't want to but nothing heats me up more then man making woman think that she was born to serve him.

Meadows

amalis wrote: »

my husband will not wash plates, that is already discussed many times with him. and the rest of cleaning.. he is astmatic, so start suffocating every time he starts cleaning dust or hoovering...what can i do?

If he won't wash the plates why should you cook for him, as already said it should not be one person's job to do it all. What happens when/if you have children, will you have to work, run a house and look after the children? :shocked:

As for time to yourself, you need to make time. Instead of the T.V every night take at least one night to pamper yourself or do what you want to do, you are married not joined at the hip.

Dave101t

if i dont wash the pots and clean up, she wont let me eat her food. simple. and works.
ps. ashma, what a cop out.

Katie-Kat-Kins

I always do my nails in front of the telly. But I just file buff and polish, sounds like OP has falsies so more work but could be done in the same room with the TV on.

Sunbeds are bad for the skin, and will make you look old and haggered so ditch them and stop worrying about it. Other treatments try to get a set routine that fits in. I have my threading done at the same time on the same day of the week so that it becomes a routine.

If cooking is taking too much time then each time you cook a meal cook double and freeze half for another day. Once you have got a little stockpile, aim to cook one day and reheat the next. Go to the O/S board for tips on batch cooking and slow cookers which might also help.

What do you both do for a living, if you both work similar hours in similarly demanding jobs then household chores should be divided equally and you need to agree who will do each chore and stick to it otherwise you will end up being walked all over. If your DH prefers more masculine tasks then fine but make sure he holds up his end of the bargain and does his share.

For the record, my DH does all the cleaning, sorts the rubbish and puts the bins out. I do the washing, cooking, shopping, and finances. We share washing up but he does more than me. I iron my stuff, he doesn't get his clothes ironed unless it is a very smart occasion and I can't bear to watch him take and hour over one shirt!

Katie-Kat-Kins

A lot of beauty stuff can be done as you go along, break down all the things you want/need to do and I bet some of them you can squeeze into your morning routine or you can do while dinner is in the oven, or while he's watching a film. You could even get some treatments on your lunch if you find a salon near your work place.

juliescot

What a sad thread and what a poor excuse for a marriage.
It depresses me to see that this sort of thing still goes on.

You should be equal partners in this, as much as is practical.

If he won't wash dishes then he can dry them and put them away.

He won't clean - then things stay dirty.

He wants to watch a film, you go and do what you want, have a nice bath, pamper yourself, get a glass of wine and relax.

You really do need to get some control here.

tandraig

er - dont take this the wrong way - but dont you ever bath? in my house when i had three youngsters plus OH my bathtime was MY time! i took at least an hour probably every other day and woe betide anyone disturbing me!

myothercarisaferrari

I find it sad when women are like this or women who stay with cheating partners :-(

You give advice but I don't think they take it.