How do you find a time for yourself?

Sarahlou_2

God help you if you have kids! Can you not pop out for your nails doing at lunch if they're really that important? Obviously depends where you work etc...

HeimRoller

amalis wrote: »

my husband will not wash plates, that is already discussed many times with him. and the rest of cleaning.. he is astmatic, so start suffocating every time he starts cleaning dust or hoovering...what can i do?

I am an asthmatic husband, I work while wife is at home with the children.
I don't care what sort of day I have had, she has also been on the go for the same length of time (in fact she has said she will do the night time feeds for our 8 week old on work nights but I have refused to allow this) so when I get home it is both sets of hands to the pump. My one concession is that I be allowed to get in and changed clothes, but after that it is up to both of us to do the chores, share the joys of the family, keep house and ensure we both get some quality time.

Any husband that does not agree with this is, to my mind, being selfish.
I have had time off at home when wife has been out and I know a 3 year old and 8 week old are hard work and demanding (although more mature than my colleagues!!!) and she is entitled to a rest as well.

At the weekends one of us has a lie in on the Saturday and the other on a Sunday.

Share and share alike.

clairec79

Get a slow cooker for a start, from what you say that would save quite a bit of time, enough for you to fit something in. Chuck stuff in in the morning and then don't think about it till you dish up. (Or suggest barbeques a lot - for some reason men seem to like doing that but wouldn't want to do the exact same food inside - we're having a barbeque tonight, hence me being on here)

I'd also say 1 night a week you skip the film and use that as 'your' pamper night (and his whatever he wants to do - either something different or a type of film you dislike) - if he wants to watch something together on that night maybe you could watch an episode of a sitcom or something which would still give you some time together but frees up some extra time (plus how many films can you find to watch without repeating them)

Massage could you fit it in together as a couples thing, so time together but still getting to do what you want.

Do you actually need to clean as much as you do? To be honest if there are only the 2 of you in the house I wouldn't imagine you'd need to do a deep clean of soemthing every night, quick wipe over of the kitchen etc - hoovering only needs 3 times a week (unless you have pets which shed a lot) - read soemwhere to hoover main rooms once a week per person plus 1, so with just the two of you then 3 times a week. (though if his asthmas really bad maybe you do need a it more)

pinksleepybear

amalis wrote: »

my husband will not wash plates, that is already discussed many times with him. and the rest of cleaning.. he is astmatic, so start suffocating every time he starts cleaning dust or hoovering...what can i do?

Give him a damp cloth. No flying dust that way.

HeimRoller

clairec79 wrote: »

Get a slow cooker for a start, from what you say that would save quite a bit of time, enough for you to fit something in. Chuck stuff in in the morning and then don't think about it till you dish up. (Or suggest barbeques a lot - for some reason men seem to like doing that but wouldn't want to do the exact same food inside - we're having a barbeque tonight, hence me being on here)

I'd also say 1 night a week you skip the film and use that as 'your' pamper night (and his whatever he wants to do - either something different or a type of film you dislike) - if he wants to watch something together on that night maybe you could watch an episode of a sitcom or something which would still give you some time together but frees up some extra time (plus how many films can you find to watch without repeating them)

Massage could you fit it in together as a couples thing, so time together but still getting to do what you want.

Do you actually need to clean as much as you do? To be honest if there are only the 2 of you in the house I wouldn't imagine you'd need to do a deep clean of soemthing every night, quick wipe over of the kitchen etc - hoovering only needs 3 times a week (unless you have pets which shed a lot) - read soemwhere to hoover main rooms once a week per person plus 1, so with just the two of you then 3 times a week. (though if his asthmas really bad maybe you do need a it more)

Depends how his asthma is triggered, hoovering actually throws up the dust and stuff into the atmosphere which, for me, can make it worse.....although maybe if he is lazy that would be a good idea LOL.

Some good ideas on here.
Slow cooker - OH and I use it, especially at the weekends, put something on in the morning, have a lovely day with the family, and dinner ready when needed.
Pamper nights - again at least once a week my OH has an hour or more in the bath, good book, candles, drink (which I check on top ups every half hour or so) and nibbles if desired.
If you can afford them then a cleaner or ironing person is a great relief to the chores.

The main question, what is more important to you? The way the house looks or the way you feel and look? Ask yourself that, and when you get your answer have an open and honest chat with your OH and tell him how you feel and what you would like to do, but ask him for suggestions so it looks like he is coming up with the ideas as well so it is not you being demanding!

tandraig

hoovering only needs 3 times a week (unless you have pets which shed a lot) - read soemwhere to hoover main rooms once a week per person plus 1, so with just the two of you then 3 times a week. (though if his asthmas really bad maybe you do need a it more)[/QUOTE]

hmmmmmmmmmm cant help wondering how that works if more than six in family???

Aruna

I can totally relate to Amalis situation. The fact that most replies scrutinised her marriage made her hold back information regarding what's really going on. The way Amalis is struggling to find some me time is due to lack of help from her husband, and chances are, he is the type that WON'T clean, cook, for whatever reason, and most men who WON'T do household chores grew up in a home where all cleaning was done by mum and the girls, not by dad and the boys. These kind of men are virtually unapproachable if you need help.

Amalis, try and take some of the advice here regarding cooking bulk meals, time management etc, it's also important that you don't take the responses personally coz they really aren't.


I also suggest you get your husband to take some weight off your shoulders by helping out around the house, sit down and let him know you are struggling to find spare time for yourself, if he asks what he can do to make things better for you, then ASK (not tell) him to help you in the areas you need help. Becareful not to start off by stamping your authority because it might cause friction between you two.

Sometimes husbands don't realise if wive's are under pressure until you say something, or sometimes they just take a step back incase they come across as interfering.

You're better off domesticating him now, than attempting to do so years later when you have children - trying to teach old dogs new tricks when you have a kid or two will be 10 times harder

Aruna

I can totally relate to Amalis situation. The fact that most replies scrutinised her marriage made her hold back information regarding what's really going on. The way Amalis is struggling to find some me time is due to lack of help from her husband, and chances are, he is the type that WON'T clean, cook, for whatever reason, and most men who WON'T do household chores grew up in a home where all cleaning was done by mum and the girls, not by dad and the boys. These kind of men are virtually unapproachable if you need help.

Amalis, try and take some of the advice here regarding cooking bulk meals, time management etc, it's also important that you don't take the responses personally coz they really aren't.


I also suggest you get your husband to take some weight off your shoulders by helping out around the house, sit down and let him know you are struggling to find spare time for yourself, if he asks what he can do to make things better for you, then ASK (not tell) him to help you in the areas you need help. Becareful not to start off by stamping your authority because it might cause friction between you two.

Sometimes husbands don't realise if wive's are under pressure until you say something, or sometimes they just take a step back incase they come across as interfering.

You're better off domesticating him now, than attempting to do so years later when you have children - trying to teach old dogs new tricks when you have a kid or two will be 10 times harder

Bennifred

Amalis - just out of interest, what would happen if you were too ill to do all of the household stuff?

amalis

Bennifred, of course if I am ill he is doing what i would do. Maybe he would not cook coz he doesnt know how to, but he would be ordering take aways and simple cleaning tasks.