Getting Married in Secret

nm123_2

I'm really torn on this. Part of me really likes the idea of doing it just the two of us and avoiding some of the family-politics (and expense!); I think it makes it more romantic in a way... The other part of me sees it as a good excuse for a party and I'd love to have just close friends and family (about 60 people) and have a weekend long garden party / BBQ at a French gite...

I love organising events and have helped a few people do their parties and group holidays and things like that, but the thought of the "not pleasing everyone" game for my own wedding doesn't appeal and IMO takes away from the reasons one would be actually getting married!

I'm not a fan of the whole country manor house + marquee thing, and I'm definitely not keen to be a "princess for the day"... Just isn't me!

piglet74

everyone who knew us were delighted for us, because they could see how happy we were!

Well they would say that now wouldnt they, what else could they say.
the deed would have been done by then.[/QUOTE]

i am not going to let your comments drag me down, or make me feel bad, i love my parents and my parents in-law deeply, and the fact that they were not there when we exchanged our vows are neither here nor there,

i am giving my first hand experencie of the whole thing, which was a wonderful event,

it might not have worked for your kids because in your words "It would be a long time before i could forgive them no matter what the reason. but it worked for us, my parents thought it was a great idea and were not one bit miffed they were not there for the ceremony,

piglet74

nm123 wrote: »

I'm really torn on this. Part of me really likes the idea of doing it just the two of us and avoiding some of the family-politics (and expense!); I think it makes it more romantic in a way... The other part of me sees it as a good excuse for a party and I'd love to have just close friends and family (about 60 people) and have a weekend long garden party / BBQ at a French gite...
!

have you thought about doing both, just the 2 of you going away and then coming home and throwing a party? get 2 days out of your dress then, if thats not a great MSE tip then what is :beer:

eternal_sunshine

piglet, so long as you were happy and things were done your way then thats all that matters. Personally if it were me, I would rather have the wedding how I wanted it and have to deal with peoples disappointment(or whatever) after, as opposed to looking back on whats meant to be one of the biggest days of your life and having regrets because it was done to suit other people.

At the end of the day, you're never going to please everyone, but when its your own wedding I think as long as you've made yourself and your partner happy, then thats all that matters-people who didn't go might be disappointed but they'll get over it and forget about it-whereas its your wedding, and if it was awful then it will be something you won't be able to forget.

piglet74

indeed...and thanks;)! and i think the fact that there might well have been only 2 people (witnesses) who were there when we exchanged vows, but there was 180 people came to our "party" a month later when we got home, and i dont think not one of them only came because "the deed was done", im sure they all came cause they were happy for us,

your so right, with weddings, you just cant please everyone, so why try, please yourself!

celyn90

I would love to do this I have already told OH this is what I want - a marriage, not a wedding. I hate ceremony and being the centre of attention. He is quite happy as his first wedding was a large one and he didn't understand why it had to be. My mother, though, would be horrified and so I guess every mother wants the wedding for their child they would have liked had their mother not interfered. I hope there is a compromise somewhere.

Similarly, my parents are trying to make me go to my graduation (as I didn't attend the first one). They know I will hate every second of it (I attended OH's under duress) and still want me to do it I cannot understand the logic.

nm123_2

piglet74 wrote: »

have you thought about doing both, just the 2 of you going away and then coming home and throwing a party? get 2 days out of your dress then, if thats not a great MSE tip then what is :beer:

Not really... I've never gone in for this idea either, although I can appreciate that it's a good compromise for guest who couldn't make an overseas wedding. I also reckon I'd be "over it" by then too.

I think some people have a wedding for a wedding's sake, if that makes sense?

As I'm not a parent myself, I'm not sure I get the whole "must be at my child's wedding" thing. Is it just because it's a "life event" or is there some primeval/Freudian/historic/instinctive feeling that leads to parents wanting to be so there? Or is it as simple as wanting to see your kids on a happy day?

mgardner

piglet74 wrote: »

have you thought about doing both, just the 2 of you going away and then coming home and throwing a party? get 2 days out of your dress then, if thats not a great MSE tip then what is :beer:

Great idea. My daughter and Son-in-Law did not like the idea of a big Church Do, and were married quitely at a register office, I was not invited, and didnt mind at all ,they then held a Humanist Blessing for close family and friends which was quite magical. I was happy to think they had the wedding they wanted

Floxxie

nm123 wrote: »

Not really... I've never gone in for this idea either, although I can appreciate that it's a good compromise for guest who couldn't make an overseas wedding. I also reckon I'd be "over it" by then too.

I think some people have a wedding for a wedding's sake, if that makes sense?

As I'm not a parent myself, I'm not sure I get the whole "must be at my child's wedding" thing. Is it just because it's a "life event" or is there some primeval/Freudian/historic/instinctive feeling that leads to parents wanting to be so there? Or is it as simple as wanting to see your kids on a happy day?

Well I am a parent and I would never consider it an unforgiveable thing not to be invited to my child's wedding. It is just not important. Just because I gave birth to them it does not give me a right to dictate how they will lead their lives.

nm123_2

Floxxie wrote: »

Just because I gave birth to them it does not give me a right to dictate how they will lead their lives.

I think this is how I'd like to feel about my children and also how my parents view me... We'll see though!

Need to get working on OH to bloody propose first :rolleyes::p.