Getting Married in Secret

McKneff

McKneff - I can honestly say that we know we would not (and never would) "deliberately hurt" our parents

but its exactly what you are going to do,



I didnt say you should feel guilty half way through the ceremony I said -

Please also remember that on the day, will you feel awful and guilty.

let me ask you this - in 25 years time, would you like, say your only daughter, to do this to you.

Anyway, each to their own. You know your own mind so I'm off.

piglet74

McKneff wrote: »

McKneff - I can honestly say that we know we would not (and never would) "deliberately hurt" our parents

but its exactly what you are going to do,



I didnt say you should feel guilty half way through the ceremony I said -

Please also remember that on the day, will you feel awful and guilty.

let me ask you this - in 25 years time, would you like, say your only daughter, to do this to you.

Anyway, each to their own. You know your own mind so I'm off.

how can you say both "YOU WILL feel awful and guilty"...but then add "you know your own mind"...

im an only daughter, i never felt "awful and guilty" i had a blast, and everyone was happy for me,

i have an only daughter and i pray she does the same as me when the time comes,

a wedding isnt about who you ask, who you tell, how OTHERS felt about how involed they were or the were not, its about the bride and groom!!

kelda_shelton

My friend did this. She was going to India anyway, and she emailed us the first day of the holiday to say wooh weve arrived but our bags have gone misssing booh but India is crazy oh and PS - this is our honeymoon cos we got married yesterday at 10am.. Had a nice lunch and then went to the airport. (there flight was at 4PM! So they called their parents and emailed everyone else.. word soon got round to anyone else that mgiht have wanted top know!

her mum & dad were shocked but very happy.

nearlyrich

McKneff wrote: »

One last question, if all of you who are getting married with out telling anyone,
i would ask you 'how can you possibly deliberately hurt the parents who have loved and cared for you since birth'

fate has a funny way of dealing with life.

My parents and in laws were pleased we had got married as we had been living together for a long time and we had both been married before. I can understand some parents would feel cheated out of an experience but everyone is different.;)

And reading some of the horror stories of family members spoiling the experience I would say it works both ways.

VICXEN83

I got married in secret with just a handful of people there and had the best day of my life, I did not once feel guilty!

I am having a blessing though next year with more people so maybe thats why I dont feel like I have missed out on anything.

I do think that a wedding should solely be about what the bride and the groom wants, I think sometimes taking all the families views about everything can taint what should be the most magical day because soon all your talking about is who is going to be invited and the politics involved. We wanted our day to be about us and not about why Aunt Mildred should be invited who I havent seen in 10 years etc etc.

Each to their own!

McKneff

piglet74 wrote: »

how can you say both "YOU WILL feel awful and guilty"...but then add "you know your own mind"...

im an only daughter, i never felt "awful and guilty" i had a blast, and everyone was happy for me,

i have an only daughter and i pray she does the same as me when the time comes,

a wedding isnt about who you ask, who you tell, how OTHERS felt about how involed they were or the were not, its about the bride and groom!!

Please read my post properly, you are seeing what you want to see,

I said WILL YOU not YOU WILL a question rather than a statement which completely changes the statement.

And i said you know your own mind meaning you will do as you please anyway
because its your decision to make.

I do wish people would read posts properly before making comments, youre the second one to misread my posts.

piglet74

McKneff wrote: »

One last question, if all of you who are getting married with out telling anyone,
i would ask you 'how can you possibly deliberately hurt the parents who have loved and cared for you since birth'

fate has a funny way of dealing with life.

ok apologies on that, but i havent mis-read the above, its a question, and its aimed at "all of you who are getting married with out telling"...so that includes me, and your question is 'how can you possibly deliberately hurt the parents who have loved and cared for you since birth'

well i have not / did not / and would never dream of hurting my parents,

eternal_sunshine

McKneff wrote: »

One last question, if all of you who are getting married with out telling anyone,
i would ask you 'how can you possibly deliberately hurt the parents who have loved and cared for you since birth'

fate has a funny way of dealing with life.

I think this is a very odd comment to make. People who want THEIR wedding to be private, or secretive or whatever, are not doing so to deliberately hurt their parents-it takes a very sad person to arrange their whole wedding around hurting someone else. If it were me, I would want a wedding with just me and my OH, because it's not about someone else. My mum can totally appreciate it, and doesn't see it as me deliberately hurting her, because its not.

Surely a mother wants their child to do whatever makes them happy, and would be supportive of that-i think if my mum was making me get married in a way I didn't want, then I wouldn't think of that as being particularly loving or caring, I would actually think that was quite selfish. Not all people who run off to get married are hurting their parents, as this thread has shown, a lot of the parents were just happy their kids were happy.

piglet74

eternal_sunshine wrote: »

I think this is a very odd comment to make. People who want THEIR wedding to be private, or secretive or whatever, are not doing so to deliberately hurt their parents-it takes a very sad person to arrange their whole wedding around hurting someone else. If it were me, I would want a wedding with just me and my OH, because it's not about someone else. My mum can totally appreciate it, and doesn't see it as me deliberately hurting her, because its not.

Surely a mother wants their child to do whatever makes them happy, and would be supportive of that-i think if my mum was making me get married in a way I didn't want, then I wouldn't think of that as being particularly loving or caring, I would actually think that was quite selfish. Not all people who run off to get married are hurting their parents, as this thread has shown, a lot of the parents were just happy their kids were happy.

EXACTLY!!!! well said! everyone who knew us were delighted for us, because they could see how happy we were!

McKneff

I'm not talking about weddings where you feel forced to invite 2ND cousins twice removed.

I'm takling 2 mums, 2 dads and siblings.
I cant understand why you would not actually want them to be there to share your happiness..


everyone who knew us were delighted for us, because they could see how happy we were!

Well they would say that now wouldnt they, what else could they say.
the deed would have been done by then.