Getting Married in Secret

oldMcDonald

We got married without telling anyone and I have no regrets about our wedding day.

We both wanted a quiet wedding and planned to invite just our mums, so that they could be witnesses. When I told my mum, she said that I had to invite her boyfriend as well, I agreed even though I didn't really want him there. She then told me that she would not go if I didn't invite my sister and her daughter (my sister and I haven't spoken for years). I said that we really only wanted our mums there and so she said she would not go. DH hadn't yet said anything to his mum, so we decided to go it alone. We asked two friends to come out with us for the day and phoned them the night before to say we were getting married and wanted them as witnesses - they were thrilled.

DH mum was really pleased for us, she had also married without telling anyone and thought it romantic! My mum was furious and (14 years on) still moans to everyone that we did not invite her, she has forgotten that she refused to come unless I invited everyone she wanted and gets cross if I mention it!

We have lovely memories of the day, it was relaxed and we were not pushed into anything we did not want.

piglet74

nm123 wrote: »

Not really... I've never gone in for this idea either, although I can appreciate that it's a good compromise for guest who couldn't make an overseas wedding. I also reckon I'd be "over it" by then too.

I think some people have a wedding for a wedding's sake, if that makes sense?

As I'm not a parent myself, I'm not sure I get the whole "must be at my child's wedding" thing. Is it just because it's a "life event" or is there some primeval/Freudian/historic/instinctive feeling that leads to parents wanting to be so there? Or is it as simple as wanting to see your kids on a happy day?

well thats true, you yourself would be well over it, i had almost a month between my actual wedding day and my wedding reception , though i needed another few days to get over that too!

you just have to read thru some of the other posts on this forum to see how weddings can get out of hand when you start trying to please in laws and others, rows over flowers, where to sit, who is coming, who is not coming, brides spending the day that busy worrying that much about everyone else they dont get to enjoy their own big day, i think the best thing is to please yourself, do what makes you happy, its a big bad world and if you can look back on you wedding day and smile, well it was a waste of money, no matter if if cost you £100 or £100,000!

good luck, whatever you decide,

piglet74

oldMcDonald wrote: »

We got married without telling anyone and I have no regrets about our wedding day.

We both wanted a quiet wedding and planned to invite just our mums, so that they could be witnesses. When I told my mum, she said that I had to invite her boyfriend as well, I agreed even though I didn't really want him there. She then told me that she would not go if I didn't invite my sister and her daughter (my sister and I haven't spoken for years). I said that we really only wanted our mums there and so she said she would not go. DH hadn't yet said anything to his mum, so we decided to go it alone. We asked two friends to come out with us for the day and phoned them the night before to say we were getting married and wanted them as witnesses - they were thrilled.

DH mum was really pleased for us, she had also married without telling anyone and thought it romantic! My mum was furious and (14 years on) still moans to everyone that we did not invite her, she has forgotten that she refused to come unless I invited everyone she wanted and gets cross if I mention it!

We have lovely memories of the day, it was relaxed and we were not pushed into anything we did not want.

GOOD FOR YOU!!!:beer: Shame ur mum wasnt so happy for you, but u have great memories and you did wat really made you happy, you story is a prime example about how others can really change your wedding day in2 the wedding day they want for you!

notsayingaword

McKneff wrote: »

I'm not talking about weddings where you feel forced to invite 2ND cousins twice removed.

I'm takling 2 mums, 2 dads and siblings.
I cant understand why you would not actually want them to be there to share your happiness..
QUOTE]

I have invited parents but if I invited siblings and their partners and children it would turn into a complete farce. I have a big, and I mean big, immediate family so our guest list would go from a quiet 5 to a mad and expensive 50+ - so I'd much rather do it this way. Also it's much more moneysaving

McKneff

Whatever you decide i really wish you a lovely day for your wedding and a very happy married life.
Hope i didnt upset anyone, there was never any intention, i was looking out for your mams and dads with the best of intentions, i can only go by what i would feel mysef.

Annie

zztopgirl

My parents went on holiday today and miss them already, but know without a doubt in the world that they will be happy for us. My last wedding became a bit t!ts up, the in-laws were going crazy at me and the ex and it resulted in my parents coming round to our house and telling us to do exactly what we wanted. We ended up having a wedding with just my parents and 2 good friends, plus kids, in-laws never forgave us but their other son eloped to Jamaica a few years previous and xmil wanted 'her' wedding day, hence the mad planning and takeover of that wedding.

Im an only child but they have already attended 2 weddings and a blessing, its the marriage that matters at the end of the day and not the actual wedding.

Have just checked the local weather on 3 different sites, is going to be lovely and sunny on thursday (might have to rethink my outfit if I cant wear my big cardi lol).

Notsayingaword, am hoping weather report is good in your part of the world for wednesday!

poet123

I think that whatever your parents say to your faces, they will feel sorry/slighted/disappointed that they were not present. A family friend's daughter did this, and they pretended to be pleased for them, and their choice, smiled, and said all the right things, the reality was (as she admiited tearfully to my mother) that they could not understand why they had been excluded.

foxxymynx

I know someone who did this around 30 years ago and it really upset the family to this day TBH. It depends on what your family are like really.

JoolzS

notsayingaword wrote: »

We're getting married on 9/9/09 - a very memorable date so no chance of OH forgetting our anniversary! I'm glad we're doing it this way as it is hassle free - in fact there's nothing to do now except wait!

This almost makes me wish DH and I hadn't got married 14 years ago on a completely forgettable date!. About five years or so after we got married I actually had to get DH to dig our marriage certificate out of the attic because neither of us could remember our actual wedding date

Edited to add: It doesn't matter at all because we both now know the date - but it was very funny at the time.

Also adding - your wedding is for you and your beloved. If you want family and friends there - then great. If you don't want them there - then great. Have your wedding for both of you.

Julie

foxxymynx

JoolzS wrote: »

Have your wedding for both of you.

Totally agree with this.

Weddings and occasions get so out of hand when you try to please other people and you forget that it's YOUR day, not theirs! In so many respects, I'm glad that we had so many restrictions due to my health, - it showed us who really cared in the end TBH.