Getting Married in Secret

frannyann

Snuggles wrote: »

I am getting quite depressed even thinking about the wedding, as I know it is going to end up being something I won't enjoy. I am normally the sort of person who would go ahead and do what I felt was right for me, but this is so hard as I don't want to hurt anyone.

OP if you think your family will be ok with it, then do it! I wish I was brave enough

Oh Snuggles, I would like to give you a hug but an internet one will have to do ((((hug))))
My first wedding was awful, hijacked by the in-laws who trampled all over my wish for a quiet small 'do'. All my memories of that day are negative (and thats nothing to do with the **** I married :rotfl:) What I have learnt this time, is this is about me and my OH, we are doing it 'exactly' as we want, you get tough and do the same. You simply tell people 'this is what we can afford, so no X,Y and Z' Its actually been surprising how many we thought would 'kick off' have been totally fine with it. Decide what you and your OH want and stick with it, good luck x

Floxxie

We did this and it the best thing I have ever done. It is our marriage and between us. I couldn't think of anything worse than going through the preparations of a wedding and all the arguments and issues that come with it in respect of other people and what they want.

My husband booked the registry office two weeks before, we took the day off, asked our witnesses a week before, got married and went for a lovely lunch.

My mother freaked out and said that I would live to regret it - 12 years on I still haven't but my parents are still paying the loans on two of my siblings weddings although both are now divorced.

zztopgirl

[QUOTE=notsayingaword;24804383
We're getting married on 9/9/09 - a very memorable date so no chance of OH forgetting our anniversary! I'm glad we're doing it this way as it is hassle free - in fact there's nothing to do now except wait! [/QUOTE]

We are the 10th, anniversary of first kiss:happylovewhen we went to finalise arrangements, I asked how many were getting married on the 9th and only one couple were booked, that was a week ago! Thought it would have been a popular date.

Nothing to do either, except clean the car out for the special occasion, keep looking at my outfit (I made the skirt myself, am wearing a corset top) and getting really excited now, a week today! We are either going to have a lovely posh hm mse picnic or go for a meal afterwards, then play golf and visit a castle, followed by h2b cooking his heavenly spag carbonara for tea and a posh bottle of wine.:D

Sunggles and toshkininny, really feel for you both, I sometimes feel afraid of getting a backlash but they will just have to deal with it, its our choice not theirs. Some people love to have a big wedding, but I am even wearing a long Monsoon cardi over my outfit on the day whilst we are outside, thats how shy I am. Im not going to feel bad anymore about who we hurt though, its easier than to deal with the interference if we had planned a 'normal' wedding, I had the interferring mil last time who even organised the stag night.

notsayingaword

toshkininny wrote: »

I'd like to do this, because I hate being centre of attention. I just want to go to a registry, and have my mum and dad there, and our children - but I don't particularly want my OH's mum and dad, because his mum always takes over everything, and also finds fault with everything.

It's simple - just book and arrange everything before you invite them - that's what we did. We're not having a do after, just a meal at a local restaurant. All the parents have to do is show up! My mum is fine with us having a quiet wedding, she'd probably given up all hope that I would ever get married anyway so is just pleased to be part of my day. I feel no guilt in not inviting anyone else, I don't need wedding presents and after nearly 11 years together and a child and mortgage this is really us just making things more secure.

zztopgirl, we were also surprised that the 9th was available and only one other couple had booked and we only booked 6 weeks ago. You've just reminded me that we need to clean the car!

Snuggles

frannyann wrote: »

Oh Snuggles, I would like to give you a hug but an internet one will have to do ((((hug))))
My first wedding was awful, hijacked by the in-laws who trampled all over my wish for a quiet small 'do'. All my memories of that day are negative (and thats nothing to do with the **** I married :rotfl:) What I have learnt this time, is this is about me and my OH, we are doing it 'exactly' as we want, you get tough and do the same. You simply tell people 'this is what we can afford, so no X,Y and Z' Its actually been surprising how many we thought would 'kick off' have been totally fine with it. Decide what you and your OH want and stick with it, good luck x

Thankyou Frannyann! At the moment it feels like a case of damned if you do and damned if you don't. If we do what we really want, I'll be worrying about hurting people, but if we do what we don't really want, I'll be worrying I'm not going to enjoy it. I'm sure we'll figure it out somehow!

joolsybools

Good luck to all of you xxx

nearlyrich

We got married in New Orleans and the first person we told was my brother who picked us up from the airport. Second time for both of us lots of potential pitfalls arranging a wedding here.

NOVASTAR

Thank you all for your input - I feel reassured that we are doing the right thing!
Have a fantastic day on the 9th zztopgirl!!

McKneff

One last question, if all of you who are getting married with out telling anyone,
i would ask you 'how can you possibly deliberately hurt the parents who have loved and cared for you since birth'

fate has a funny way of dealing with life.

cyclingyorkie

McKneff wrote: »

:eek:Speaking as a mum of grown up and married children , if they had don that to me, i would have been mortified and hurt beyond measure.

It would be a long time before i could forgive them no matter what the reason.

my kids are grown up - almost - but it would destroy me not to be there!