MIL - expects us to pay for everything

[Deleted User]

liney wrote: »

If she's apparently drunk after 4 or 5 bottle of beer over the course of your evening out, so 4 hours ish? Are you sure she's not drinking during the day and turning up half cut?

4 bottles is only 2 pints, so ever a few hours really should have little effect. No more then my husband and i sharing a bottle of wine of an evening when DS is asleep.

OK. Some info for those 'going off on one' here !!!

To be honest, it was probably only the once when we came home and she'd drunk about 12 bottles. Wife went absolutely nuts with her and told her she wouldnt be allowed to look after our son if this happened again.

Other times, when we've been there, on hols, shes drunk about the same and been in the same state. But we were there then also. She is very annoying when shes like that though.

Now she does drink about 4/5 bottles when we leave her babysitting and shes OK. We're fine with that.

However, an average weekend with us might be Friday day and evening 10 botttles, Saturday 4/5 (if we go out), Sunday (10 bottles again). Still a bit much for my liking -specially since I'm paying !!!!

melancholly

[quote=[Deleted User];24786349]Never long on this board before somebody has a go or gets abusive, is it?:rolleyes:[/QUOTE]
actually, it's not abusive - it's good advice. it's not what you want to hear - cleary you think the problem is her's and nothing to do with you.

i recommend you stop asking her to babysit for free if you want to complain about her getting 'free meals'.

i personally think 5 bottles of beer whilst babysitting isn't ok - but you are happy to make that call and it's your family and you see her when she's drunk so you can make that call.

i think if you want to complain about the amount she drinks there is a simple solution - stop buying the alchol and feeding what most people can see is a clear drinking problem. perhaps she's lonely and uses it for comfort... it's worth exploring and that's a far bigger issue that about how much she pays.

Errata

This information offers advice on how much alcohol is safe to drink.

• For men no more than 3 - 4 units of alcohol per day (maximum of 21 units per week).
• For women no more than 2 - 3 units of alcohol per day (maximum of 14 units per week).

Consumption above these levels is unsafe, and a week's worth of units consumed in one session is binge drinking.

Now she does drink about 4/5 bottles when we leave her babysitting and shes OK. We're fine with that

4 bottles equals 6.8 units and 5 equals 8.5 units

Any

melancholly wrote: »

actually, it's not abusive - it's good advice. it's not what you want to hear - cleary you think the problem is her's and nothing to do with you.

i recommend you stop asking her to babysit for free if you want to complain about her getting 'free meals'.

i personally think 5 bottles of beer whilst babysitting isn't ok - but you are happy to make that call and it's your family and you see her when she's drunk so you can make that call.

i think if you want to complain about the amount she drinks there is a simple solution - stop buying the alchol and feeding what most people can see is a clear drinking problem. perhaps she's lonely and uses it for comfort... it's worth exploring and that's a far bigger issue that about how much she pays.

I agree.

If she is drinking like that there could be other problem. That is what forums are for - get different opinions and sort them out in your head. There might be ideas that might not even go through your head until it's said.

If everyone came on here and just agreed with everything any OP is saying, it would be useless to even be here.

red_devil

SandC wrote: »

Well perhaps she does think that she and her husband paid for the children for all those years and now they should give something back.

The only thing I can suggest is that you don't go out for meals - you've eaten out 3 times in one weekend there. If she questions it just say that you're a bit pressed for cash. But if you do want to go out as much I think you should probably just grin and bear it if it's only now and again.

i tend to agree dont keep going out! Could any of your children go and stay with her sometimes to even it out abit!

Does she bring anything when she comes to stay most people tend to bring a box of chocs or a plant or something when visiting.

paddy's_mum

If the OP cares to go back to post number 21 and re-read the last three lines written there, he will discover where responders got the information about his mil's drinking/babysitting habits. I'd also second the comments made that expressing shock at an obvious danger and trying to make someone aware of the possible/likely consequences of stupidity is not abuse.

The apparent 'problem' of your mil's ungenerous ways pass into insignificance in the light of the much more important matter of her being incapacitated while babysitting - even that once was too much, surely ... unless you consider it normal for a daughter to have to instruct her mother about responsible behaviour and sobriety? Some priorities need sorting out here, in my view.

If forcefully and loudly pointing out that someone is in deadly danger is abusive ... well, no doubt there'll soon be a law making it an offence to shout "Look out!!" in an effort to save someone from tragedy.

[Deleted User]

OK. Point taken.

Personally, I've no problem with her having a few beers and I dont mind taking her out now and again. Trouble is she tends to take things too far...

Wife has spoken to her mother about her drinking. The amount she drinks is not far off being a problem for her.

cheepskate_2

Hi

Been following this with interest.

You say you have no probs with a few beers and taking her out. You also say she comes with no money , no pressies or food and expects you to foot the bill all the time.

Sometimes reading your posts i just cant seem to work out what you think the problem is as sometimes i think you are bothered about how much she drinks and other times it's about how much you spend on her.

Simple answer is you and your wife are the problem. Both of you decide what she gets and what you buy for her in the household. She doesn't come with the 24 pack under her arm. Only buy what would be appropriate for your household to drink for that evening, any probs explain or let the wife do it as it's her mother .

maggied_2

Hi again Paul

Crikey this thread has taken a turn!
The drinking thing certainly does need to be addressed. I would doubt that no-one on here has never had a glass of wine or two while their kids were upstairs asleep but being drunk when you're the only adult responsible is not acceptable. It may be an idea to find an alternative babysitter for a while which would help you
1. Not to have to trust her to stay sober while looking after your children and
2. Not feeling quite so beholden to her

It does sound as though she is lonely and if that's why she's drinking then I feel for her. However it doesn't make it right for her to drink herself into a stupor whilst in charge.

As the thing underpinning this is alcohol (seriously I wouldn't mind spending 50 quid on a MIL who came to stay every now and again and threw babysitting into the bargain) then remove the alcohol. Tell her you're not having it in the house anymore for health / weight whatever reason and that you're 'sure she won't mind'. Only you and your wife know how much you can trust her not to drink while she's babysitting.
Good luck....families eh?

jenhug

you could just say that you aren't going to pay her way any more.