MIL - expects us to pay for everything

[Deleted User]

Wifes father died about 8 years ago leaving her mother. At the moment, she lives on her own but comes to visit us for a few days now and again (we live 20 miles away). Shes also got 3 other kids.

Shes not got loads of money but shes got a bit put away and works in a part-time job. She doesnt spend a lot on most things apart from her house - she likes a new carpet in the living room about one every year or two and pays what I call stupid-£s-per-sq-metre (£45-50sq/m!!!)

Trouble is when she comes to visit us she never pays for ANYTHING or even offers. In fact, she usually just doesnt bring any money with her.

This bank holiday weekend just gone, we paid for her lunch and beer (she drinks a fair bit) on Saturday (about £12), her sunday lunch and beer (another £12), lunch and beer monday (£10), and then wife took her out for lunch and beer on tuesday (£10). Also, we've cooked and few her for the other meals at home. And shes polished off a case of Stella (24 bottles) too. (she refuses to drink cans or cheap beer so makes sure we buy her stella !!!). And during that time my wife has to drive her around shopping or wherever she wants to go.

Not once did she offer to pay for any of these meals !!!!!! All she did was buy something for £10 for our son whos 5 yrs old. She likes doing this because she gets enjoyment out of it but seems unwilling to spend on the mundane stuff.

Now, I've got a decent job and although we're not on the breadline, we've got some serious debts to pay off. Tried mentioning this to her but it seems to go in one ear and out of the other. If she was skint and I was flush I really wouldnt mind but I cant afford new carpets every year let alone top of the range ones !!!!

Its as if she thinks its her childrens duty to look after her now her husbands gone. She does the same with the other kids and it annoys them too.

Really annoys me.....

SandC

Well perhaps she does think that she and her husband paid for the children for all those years and now they should give something back.

The only thing I can suggest is that you don't go out for meals - you've eaten out 3 times in one weekend there. If she questions it just say that you're a bit pressed for cash. But if you do want to go out as much I think you should probably just grin and bear it if it's only now and again.

Bennifred

I wouldn't be buying in the Stella if it's just for her - get whatever you want, if she doesn't like it let her get her own!:p

Why does she need to stay if she only lives 20 miles away? Does she drive? Maybe inviting her for the occasional Sunday lunch would be cheaper, if she drives (no drinking, lol!)

Pee

Is it the money you really resent or the fact that your MIL has been staying?

I would always want to get in someone's favourite drink if they were coming to stay and take them out for a meal, although it would only be one meal per visit. Look out for the Stella on offer and buy in advance then - you can hide the other cases in the buy one get one free offer in the loft maybe?

Paparika

buy a crate of own brand beer and if she complains tell her that's all you can afford, if she doesn't like that tough.

drop the meals out, cook at home instead.

ok if she was veggie and you had to buy food in especially for her dietary needs i understand, but beer isn't a diet (although a few men may argue with that :rotfl:)

[Deleted User]

SandC wrote: »

Well perhaps she does think that she and her husband paid for the children for all those years and now they should give something back.

The only thing I can suggest is that you don't go out for meals - you've eaten out 3 times in one weekend there. If she questions it just say that you're a bit pressed for cash. But if you do want to go out as much I think you should probably just grin and bear it if it's only now and again.

I suppose. But like I said its not as if shes short of money herself.

[Deleted User]

Bennifred wrote: »

I wouldn't be buying in the Stella if it's just for her - get whatever you want, if she doesn't like it let her get her own!:p

Why does she need to stay if she only lives 20 miles away? Does she drive? Maybe inviting her for the occasional Sunday lunch would be cheaper, if she drives (no drinking, lol!)

She doesnt drive. Sometimes she stays over to babysit for us.

She refuses to look after our son in her own house. She always insists on coming to ours - I guess its up to her.

Any

Paparika wrote: »

buy a crate of own brand beer and if she complains tell her that's all you can afford, if she doesn't like that tough.

drop the meals out, cook at home instead.

ok if she was veggie and you had to buy food in especially for her dietary needs i understand, but beer isn't a diet (although a few men may argue with that :rotfl:)

I completely agree.

If you come out straight, then she will resent you as she is obviously lonely and I think that is why she spends so much time at your house.

So you cannot come out straight and that is why I would make such a plans as for you to be able to mention financial situation few times (just like suggested - buy cheap beer etc) and hopefully she will be embarrassed to request anything costly ever again or offers to pay few times.

Pee

To be fair, it's probably easier to look after your son in his own house as he knows where all his toys are and there is no danger of an expensive carpet getting spoilt!

Is she generally quite a nice person?

Does your wife feel it is her duty to look after her?

Any

[quote=[Deleted User];24763515]She doesnt drive. Sometimes she stays over to babysit for us.

[/QUOTE]

I think she might think that the beer and meals are repayment for this babysitting.

[Deleted User]

Pee wrote: »

Is it the money you really resent or the fact that your MIL has been staying?

I would always want to get in someone's favourite drink if they were coming to stay and take them out for a meal, although it would only be one meal per visit. Look out for the Stella on offer and buy in advance then - you can hide the other cases in the buy one get one free offer in the loft maybe?

No, I dont mind her staying now and again. I get on OK with her generally.

It was £10 for 20x 440ml cans or £10 for 18 275ml bottles. Of course, wife made me buy the bottles because MIL doesnt like cans. Seems a bit much when its the same stuff.

It does annoy me a little that she drinks so much too. Several times shes drunk 10+ in a night and been completely hammered.