We’d like to remind Forumites to please avoid political debate on the Forum.

This is to keep it a safe and useful space for MoneySaving discussions. Threads that are – or become – political in nature may be removed in line with the Forum’s rules. Thank you for your understanding.

📨 Have you signed up to the Forum's new Email Digest yet? Get a selection of trending threads sent straight to your inbox daily, weekly or monthly!

Can't see the future.

1234568

Comments

  • ms_london
    ms_london Posts: 2,852 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Photogenic Name Dropper
    I'd rather be single than in a relationship for the wrong reasons. But I would like some sort of promise for the future.

    Completely agree with that Tom. How many people out there are in relationships that they shouldnt be in? I just dont get it. I would much rather be single than be with someone for the sake of it. My younger sister is 23 and has never been single and I have friends that too have jumped from relationship to relationship - I just dont get it!!

    Our next door neighbours religiously have a screaming match every Sunday evening & I just want to shout "Break up goddammit" through the walls.. Grrrr!!

    It shocked me when I realised that I have been single for 4 years now, not 3 like I thought - and I cant see myself meeting anyone or wanting to when I am travelling, but it would be nice to meet someone that I "clicked with" and someone that didnt just stop calling - I suppose you can help but question what you are doing wrong after a while, but I appreciate that sometimes the timing is just bad for people!! ..:confused:
  • ms_london
    ms_london Posts: 2,852 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Photogenic Name Dropper
    Curley wrote:
    I'm in the same situation as the OP. I'm in the process of buying my own place after living with my parents for 29 years. I've only one close friend and I hardly ever go out. I'm really shy and find it difficult in talking to new people which I suppose is my downfall :( My main concern is joining a club and then being completely ignored. As you can see, i'm very low in confidence. But i've decided, when I move out I WILL do something other than spend most of my spare time on the internet. I just don't know what i'm going to do yet :confused:

    Hi Curley. Hmm, not sure what to suggest, I suppose confidence grows over time and not over night - I can definately recommend "Feel the fear and do it anyway". If you try and so something new each day & force yourself into a situation that might scare you (obviously within reason ;) )- you will test yourself and grow more confident each time.. Sit down and have a think of all of the things you would like to do & try - and then check local papers/local internet groups to see if there are any groups happening near you. It is scary but I can assure you that there will people in the same boat as you, people that are meeting up with others for the first time - think how proud you'll be after the first time? I was always quiet as a kid and bullied at school, but things have really changed for me over the past few years - and now there is so much I want to see & do I'm not going to let anything stop me!! Best of luck.xx
  • tomstickland
    tomstickland Posts: 19,538 Forumite
    10,000 Posts Combo Breaker
    Thing is, I go out and have a reasonably large social circle. My main aim is to go and do things that I enjoy and also strive to be an entertaining person at the same time. I do value being single a lot of the time - I can do a lot of things on a whim with no planning. However, I would like to find the correct woman sometime in the next 5 years. I'm off to do some beer drinking work now.
    Happy chappy
  • endemoniada_2
    endemoniada_2 Posts: 113 Forumite
    Hi all,

    I'm just recently single - well 2 days. I totally appreciate the "where am i going" panic feeling.
    It's something I am determined to combat this time instead of looking for someone else to fill the gap.
    I'm lucky in that I have a 6 yr old DD, my own house, a great job etc - just loads of debt accumulated by overcompensating for having no dad for her.
    I have done a lot of soul searching and am going to try the " go with the flow" and "live in the present moment" mantra.
    I have realised that I seem to be only content when in the first throes of a relationship and then anxiety sets in. I also only seem to be able to exist from one weekend to another when i was seeing my ex.
    I'm sitting here on the first Sat night alone - quite content - in my bed early - no fuss.
    I am hoping that I will find contentment alone .....
    gone
  • tomstickland
    tomstickland Posts: 19,538 Forumite
    10,000 Posts Combo Breaker
    Thing is, a lot of the advice here, though 100% well intentioned, could be categorised as "cliches". When you've spent 6 years just "being yourself", "enjoying yourself", "not being desperate", etc and still you see no decent avenues, then it can be a bit worrying. This has to be balanced up against the acknowledgement that time is going by.

    Please, don't see this as an attack on the support shown in this thread.
    Happy chappy
  • endemoniada_2
    endemoniada_2 Posts: 113 Forumite
    I know what you are saying - it is not a natural state to not be in a relationship. No matter how one convinces oneself and lets face it we're always on the lookout subconsciously even if we try to convince ourselves and others that we are not, lol...
    gone
  • cookiemonster25
    cookiemonster25 Posts: 2,215 Forumite
    Thing is, a lot of the advice here, though 100% well intentioned, could be categorised as "cliches". When you've spent 6 years just "being yourself", "enjoying yourself", "not being desperate", etc and still you see no decent avenues, then it can be a bit worrying. This has to be balanced up against the acknowledgement that time is going by.

    Please, don't see this as an attack on the support shown in this thread.
    i think people quote cliches because they believe them to be true, happend to me about 5 years ago...had been single for about 4 years went out to same places with the same people and could not see what would change, was supposed to be going to london for new year but had a last minute change of plan (not sure why but gut feeling) stayed at home and met my other half, now have a beautiful 3 year old...lets just see in a years time if your not on here using the same cliches....:D
    you'll be fine Tom :D
  • Wizwoo
    Wizwoo Posts: 675 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture Combo Breaker
    Hi Tom,

    Often enough what your looking for is right there in front of you - you just haven't opened your eyes to it yet.

    My OH and I had worked in the same place for a year but hadn't even noticed each other until someone's leaving do. So you can be going out with pretty much the same crowd and then something happens.

    The thing with being single in your thirties is that most of your friends probably aren't. Which means that on the weekend they're normally busy doing stuff "as a family". I struggle with this because my OH works on a Saturday so even though I'm off I don't feel my weekend starts until he's off.

    Best of luck to you Tom - you sound like a lovely guy. (sorry if that's another cliche!)
  • Thing is, a lot of the advice here, though 100% well intentioned, could be categorised as "cliches". When you've spent 6 years just "being yourself", "enjoying yourself", "not being desperate", etc and still you see no decent avenues, then it can be a bit worrying. This has to be balanced up against the acknowledgement that time is going by.

    Please, don't see this as an attack on the support shown in this thread.
    Couldn't agree with you more, Tom. It's your job to sort the wheat from the chaff and make of it what you will. Here's a bit more support: draw up your life plan that doesn't include hooking up with someone, which at least puts you in control, not the flying fickle finger of fate :)
  • moggins
    moggins Posts: 5,190 Forumite
    1,000 Posts Combo Breaker
    Basically, British women are only interested if you are a multi-millionaire with rock star looks. They (rightly) demand equal pay with their male colleagues, equal opportunities for education, professional development and promotion, but then demand that any potential love-interest earns more than them! I suggest that you leave them to their complaining, get on some international pen-pal and dating sites, and plan a romantic break in Asia.

    What a crock!! If that was the case then my DH and I would never be together, when we met he was tubby with glasses, a bad hair cut and no job!

    Tom, there are loads of single women in our town, Lord knows I could introduce you to a few. Especially if you're not afraid of taking on a woman with a child? There's a rather luscious brunette I know who could do with a man like you :D

    Stay out there hun, especially when you get that flat (that is a good move by the way, women get worried by men your age who still live with their parents) Have you tried the New Inn on a Saturday night, the disco is only for people of our age group and it's frequently filled with single and new single women :)

    I was 36 when I met my DH and it was the best day of my life and the last few years were well worth waiting for. It will happen, just keep yourself out there, keep a positive attitude and a smile on your face, the women will be falling over themselves to get their hands on a guy who doesn't have a face like a bulldog chewing a wasp, who can take care of himself and looks forward to the future.
    Organised people are just too lazy to look for things

    F U Fund currently at £250
This discussion has been closed.
Meet your Ambassadors

🚀 Getting Started

Hi new member!

Our Getting Started Guide will help you get the most out of the Forum

Categories

  • All Categories
  • 352.1K Banking & Borrowing
  • 253.5K Reduce Debt & Boost Income
  • 454.2K Spending & Discounts
  • 245.1K Work, Benefits & Business
  • 600.7K Mortgages, Homes & Bills
  • 177.4K Life & Family
  • 258.9K Travel & Transport
  • 1.5M Hobbies & Leisure
  • 16.2K Discuss & Feedback
  • 37.6K Read-Only Boards

Is this how you want to be seen?

We see you are using a default avatar. It takes only a few seconds to pick a picture.