Why have I suddenly started thinking about a past affair? Update!

Fire_Fox

My OH works in a hotel, so it's not unusual for him to be speaking to people at odd hours, tho not 2am. I knew it was a woman as it was a gossipy sort of conversation. He says she texted earlier in the evening about an incident at work, but he only texted back just before she rang. I have seen his texts and they are nothing but I hate the fact that he could text her from here, that he would speak to her for ten minutes in my flat. I am certain she rang then to get me thinking. :mad:

I am strangely coping with the actual sex part, I am pretty sure it was just a quickie at work a couple of times. It's the bits leading up to that which are destroying me, the standing a little too close when you chat and the kissing in corners that we did when we first got together (worked in same hotel). You don't just go from colleagues to f**king in one fell swoop ....

Bettyboop

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Bettyboop

Hello everyone, I wanted to let you know that I will no longer be posting on this thread. My husband seems to have taken such an interest in it and he's been following it to the point of telling me I know the main part of his infidelity and that I should stop torturing myself and take on board the replies from those that said I don't need to know anymore about his wench.

He told me he was researching artciles to do with Betrayal and the affects of cheating but reading this story I suppose was far more interesting. He knows what I was thinking, how I felt and what I wanted to know about his relationship with this so and so. I wrote him a very long letter over the weekend and I asked if he could take some time off work so I could be COMPLETELY ALONE, and he said I only asked because someone else on here had made her husband take time off to watch the children!!! :mad:

I feel for everybody going through this... it's as I have said before like an unknown form of torture on a human that I didn't know existed.... I hope all of you going through this heartache shall I say with me find some peace in the near future....

Love B.

jinky67

Bettyboop wrote: »

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i think you need to do what YOU feel is right:cool:
if posting on here is helping you then do it:cool:

Bettyboop

jinky67 wrote: »

i think you need to do what YOU feel is right:cool:
if posting on here is helping you then do it:cool:

It was jinky67 until he admitted reading up on me and he seemed to be more in agreement with the replies. For now I will stay heartbroken and well I could tell you more but he will just use it against me. One would have thought it would matter what was important to me and not others... each day we learn something new that's for sure. Thank you so much for trying to help.x

hippychick1

I'm so angry for you right now BB :eek:

Mr BB, if you are reading this, yes I did make my husband take time off to have our kids, as I was very depressed, suicidal and could not cope with them. What my husband did wrecked any trust we ever had and trampled all over my feelings. My world crumbled and I cried solid for about a month. I think I would have honestly been less upset if he had died, because he would never have betrayed me.

Bettyboop, do what you feel is right. Mr BB should have no bl**dy say in it. Go away somewhere. I booked myself into a hotel for three days, and just went shopping and chilled out.

Feel free to PM me if you wish

Take care
xxx

MissMitch

There's no better way to stop yourself feeling guilty about something then by reflecting the guilt onto someone else! So much easier then accepting responsibility for your own actions.

Good luck Betty, and everyone else on this thread, I hope you find a way of life that makes you as happy as you should be. xxx

honesty101

Ok so have been reading this thread came across is accidentally but it has drawn me in.

I will be honest here and probably get shot down because of it. I am late 20's female and work in an very male dominated workplace, where the average age of my colleagues is late 30's+, most men are married as am I (happily). On a daily basis men will chance their luck, when I first started I was a bit taken aback by all the hormones/testosterone floating about, even now (been here a few years) it surprises me what extent married men with wives and children will go to, to attract another girl. There is a lot of flirting going on, and I now believe most of it is harmless, I have become a little bit of a sounding board for men who think I understand them but thats only because I take their banter as just that and tell them without long discussion they way it is, they know I am not interested in them, they know I am married, but will still try it on. No it's not sexual harrassment before anyone says it may be as I don't feel harrassed in that way if I ever did I would say something about it. I also tell them that obviously I can be calm and dismissive about there shenanigans as I am not connected to them so see things objectively and if it were my husband I would be just as upset as their wives and catstrate the b.st..d!!

I laugh and joke with them and tell them to quit trying so hard and if they did the same at home I am sure their wives would appreciate it and in turn be more responsive to them.

I tell them on occassion when I think they are being ridiclous and want to spend money on lunches/dinner that it would actually make their wives feel like crap if they knew that their household money was getting spent on trying to woo another girl and they should get a grip!

Because I pay them no attention they try harder, but they know it will NEVER happen, they have met my husband and know I am happy but still they flirt (they say it's human nature! of all the things to say!). I know some single girls in the office are flattered by the attention, I do tell them to get a grip too as these guys are just looking for fun, something different, and that lives can be ruined from 'having fun' but at the end of the day people are going to do what they want. Married men are aware of the consequences but they don't care, not because they are callous or don't love their wives but because they want to feel instant gratification, whether it be a look at work a chat or anything else. Is it right..no, is it acceptable for wives to put up with it..no.

Men can have a raging argument/in depth discussion at home the night previously about their infidelity and come into the office and go back to being completely normal. They don't think about it dwell on it or analyse it. I am not saying all men are like this but the majority I have come across are.

All I can say to the OP is this is going to be very hard to understand why he did what he did and jeopardise what you have and if you were a fly on the wall when your husband was having these intimacies with the other other woman, it would still make you feel sick but the reality of a situation is not as imaginative as it is in your mind. I know that doesn't make it easier but I don't believe he did it because he didn't like you or find you attractive or didn't love you. He did it because 'he' wanted to. Not to hurt you but just because it excited him for that moment in time, believe me I doubt he even thinks about her now or can even remember what was said, how they touched etc.. it is only women who think about that stuff. It is wrong and if you were to do the same he would hate it.

OP my opinion may be worth nothing but please if anything take on board he doesn't want to talk about it because he probably can't remember the ins and outs and it was what it was and is now in the past. That doesn't help you any but analysing the things he said and how he said or did them is only destroying you.

Hope things get better soon.

ceebeeby

... BB you do what's best for you - but personally I think he's behaved like a complete t**t - and the fact that he's using your postings against you says a lot about his character! Good luck with whatever you decide!

Fire_Fox

Bettyboop, PM me if you want to chat/ vent - I am guessing he knows your username but not your password.