Why have I suddenly started thinking about a past affair? Update!

maggied_2

Bettyboop wrote: »

The other women isn't to blame and also this poster insinuates that I literally gave my husband a written invitation to go and shag who he wanted.... my stomach is in my throat when I say that

I don't think was aimed at you BB.

How are you feeling todays.

Bettyboop

maggied wrote: »

I don't think was aimed at you BB.

How are you feeling todays.

maggied, like absolute rubbish. I had a restless nights sleep. Woke up at 03:00 and cried and cried. Today I have eaten a banana, a few crisps (3 or 4) and drank some Fanta. Not all healthy but the tinniest of anything makes me feel full. Had to go back into town today as dd had an appointment but I felt anxious walking around. I wondered if at any point I would have walked past the wench! The effects of this I think will be longterm and I will end up becoming judgemental for the rest of my life... all this and more caused by a cheat..... Husband is working this weekend so I'm alone with children... other than that nothing positive to say. I am torturing myself by replaying images of them together... just disgusting!

maggied_2

Oh love big hug! You will get past this and you will be able to let it go one day. What you're going through is completely natural and it is going to take time to get over. You are going to feel like crap for a while and there's not a huge amount that will help except time (oh yes that really helpful line!!).

What's the home set up at the moment? I take it he's still living with you. Have you managed to sit down and have a chat yet?

hippychick1

I couldn't read this thread without replying. I have a lump in my throat reading your thread. Almost a year ago my husband slept with someone else, and I felt everything you describe. I feel sick now reading this thread as it brings back such horrible memories.

I wanted to know EVERYTHING, and my husband did eventually give me details. I don't know whether this was a good thing or not. Nearly a year on, I am not sure I will ever get over this. We sorted things out, but 6 months later split, and recently are trying again, but I cannot get over the fact that he did this to me and our family.

Have you no family or friends around who could help out with childcare? I couldn't cope in the first few weeks (we have 3 small children). I made my husband take leave from work to look after our children for a week, then had friends and family help out. It was a tough time.

My heart goes out to you Bettyboop, and things will get easier, I'm sure. I know I wold never ever forgive a second time

Take care
HC
x

Bettyboop

maggied wrote: »

Oh love big hug! You will get past this and you will be able to let it go one day. What you're going through is completely natural and it is going to take time to get over. You are going to feel like crap for a while and there's not a huge amount that will help except time (oh yes that really helpful line!!).

What's the home set up at the moment? I take it he's still living with you. Have you managed to sit down and have a chat yet?

Hi maggied, my husband is still living here. I asked him to move away for a while but he said he can't afford to pay the house and bills here and for elsewhere? I know I can't go as this really is the childrens home. We have talked a little every evening with tears from me that is. Tonight though I am going to tell him I want every bit of truth and that this is the last time I will tolerate any lies that come out of his mouth. Do you know everytime something happens I will have warned him about x, w and z. He chooses to do as he pleases and then in the end wonder why we have ended up like this. What I mean is when he kissed and fondled my best friend in our bathroom they and her husband all knew about except me. (We are of course no longer friends and infact when she phoned to say sorry it was 10 months later. I told her not to bother contacting me again and that our friendship was over). When did I found out, after being married a few months. I must say I would have never married him if I knew this before then. Again no one told me I had a feeling confronted him, he didn't lie but he went a shade of white immediately. I just don't understand why these things happen to nice people. Someone once told me that I was to good for him....

I know that whatever happens (stay together or not), that it wont happen without counselling. If he wants us he makes the call and that's it. It's encouraging when random strangers care about what you are going through.

Bettyboop

hippychick1 wrote: »

I couldn't read this thread without replying. I have a lump in my throat reading your thread. Almost a year ago my husband slept with someone else, and I felt everything you describe. I feel sick now reading this thread as it brings back such horrible memories.

I wanted to know EVERYTHING, and my husband did eventually give me details. I don't know whether this was a good thing or not. Nearly a year on, I am not sure I will ever get over this. We sorted things out, but 6 months later split, and recently are trying again, but I cannot get over the fact that he did this to me and our family.

Have you no family or friends around who could help out with childcare? I couldn't cope in the first few weeks (we have 3 small children). I made my husband take leave from work to look after our children for a week, then had friends and family help out. It was a tough time.

My heart goes out to you Bettyboop, and things will get easier, I'm sure. I know I wold never ever forgive a second time

Take care
HC
x

HC I'm sorry for reminding you of the hell you faced then. I have read that it takes about 2 years to get over an affair. You are half way and that's good right? I have had a few details but not everything yet. Some questions I ask he says what difference is it going to make if you know that? :mad:. It's devastating what they have done to us and how can anyone comprehend this? How? It's not just me that's been blown to pieces by this but while the children may see me upset from time to time they don't know what is wrong with mummy and daddy. My dd thinks it's because I can't eat. It's true but it's much more than that. All the best to you. x

horse76

BB I'm another who's been through this. My OH cheated on me 14 years ago (a year into our relationship), it 'apparantly went on for 3/4 wks - he ended the affair. We stayed together, have been married 6 years now and have a child together.

Like you I wanted to know every last detail, I made him suffer, brought it up for many years after it. Just wanted to let you know I've been there too and know exactly what you're going through. Stay strong. :grouphug:

Bettyboop

horse76 wrote: »

BB I'm another who's been through this. My OH cheated on me 14 years ago (a year into our relationship), it 'apparantly went on for 3/4 wks - he ended the affair. We stayed together, have been married 6 years now and have a child together.

Like you I wanted to know every last detail, I made him suffer, brought it up for many years after it. Just wanted to let you know I've been there too and know exactly what you're going through. Stay strong. :grouphug:

Thank you horse76, doing the best I can. I have to do what's best for them. x

Buddingblonde

Actually you have to do what is right for you - if you are unhappy then the children will be unhappy. You have to be settled and secure - whether together or alone - to bring up happy healthy well rounded children.
Good luck xx

tsstss7

Have to agree with the post above.

Also wanted to say that I think that it is not a "failing" in yourself if you cannot forgive and move on. I have noticed that it is almost expected by some straying partners and blame (of sorts) laid at the door of the wronged party for being unable to "forgive and forget". But forgiveness depends on many factors (in my case being able to understand why it happened and to be sure that in the normal course of a relationship it would not happen again) and only you can know/feel that it is possible for you and your situation.