Why have I suddenly started thinking about a past affair? Update!

Bettyboop

Buddingblonde wrote: »

Actually you have to do what is right for you - if you are unhappy then the children will be unhappy. You have to be settled and secure - whether together or alone - to bring up happy healthy well rounded children.
Good luck xx

Absolutely agree Buddingblonde. FWIW I wear I "mask" most of the time and while I try and get my head around things what you have said is exactly what I must do. Thanks. x

fi_trix29

Hi BB, Sorry to hear about what's been going on, I too am in a similar situation. Last Thursday my boyfriend of 5 years left me (two days before my birthday :embarasse)saying things werent working despite buying a house with me only 4 months ago. I found out the next day that he has been cheating on me with some woman from work for about 3 months, and that he has been having explicit online conversations with a woman from Argentina for years.

I have to say, gutted doesn't even begin to cover how I am feeling and I know you are the same, but I just wanted to say be strong, and to show my support. You are worth better and your children are worth better.

Bettyboop

fi_trix29 wrote: »

Hi BB, Sorry to hear about what's been going on, I too am in a similar situation. Last Thursday my boyfriend of 5 years left me (two days before my birthday :embarasse)saying things werent working despite buying a house with me only 4 months ago. I found out the next day that he has been cheating on me with some woman from work for about 3 months, and that he has been having explicit online conversations with a woman from Argentina for years.

I have to say, gutted doesn't even begin to cover how I am feeling and I know you are the same, but I just wanted to say be strong, and to show my support. You are worth better and your children are worth better.

Hi, thank you fi, I meant to write a reply earlier but my kids kept me on my toes today. It's horrific and it feels like a carpet has been ripped from under you. I only wish I had seen signs of some kind. You boyfriend is callous for doing that to you and right before your birthday. Please get some help for yourself. I have quite simply fallen off the rails and I'm trying to get some counselling through Church or another organisation. Even if it's just for you any little thing will help. It's almost been a week since my world came crashing down around me..... and it feels like it's been an entire enternity. I'm thinking you. X X X

hippychick1

Not sure if I'm doing this right but...
http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.html?t=1926677

(Hope I've done this link right!!)
The ladies (and some men) on this thread have all been through what you are going through right now. Kizzy started this thread about a year ago, and it has been ongoing ever since. They know exactly what you are going through right now, so pop along and talk to them, they are all lovely.

Its such an awful thing to go through, but things will get better, I promise it won't always feel this bad.

HC

fi_trix29

Hey BB, thanks for your thoughts, it means a lot. I have been so caught up in what a complete mess my life is in because of this, but I guess I can be greatful that I'm not married, or have kids. You could see if your doctor can refer you to a counsellor? I think my worst problem is being on my own. I am still at our home but he went to his parents (although he is probably living with her now), but I went out after work on Friday and it occured to me that I could be lying dead and no-one would even notice until Tuesday. That was a very lonely thought

looktothefuture

Morning Bettyboop! Just checking in to see how you are.

I'm the poster who you thought was making a joke about all of this a few pages ago but I honestly was not. It just seemed as though everything you were saying was coming straight from me. I've found out the truth from my husband about his affair... it all came to a head on Wednesday last week when I found out the woman my husband was seeing was the mother of his child - his ex! It makes this situation all the more harder to deal with! I took matters into my own hands and i've told her husband what has been going on with my husband... she's somehow talked her way out of it and now he thinks I'm a mental patient! Hahahaha! Maybe I am!

This isn't an easy time for either of us, but you know where I am if you need to talk! I've shown no emotion through this time, nothing, not even a tear! I wish I could cry so that he can see the raw pain I'm going through!

Keep strong sweetheart! Here's a little quote a friend has just sent me on Facebook... I hope it brings you the strength it has given me

One step backward: Doesn't mean your defeated.
It means you will take the same step forward again... but this time wiser...

Lots of love,
LTTF

Bettyboop

looktothefuture wrote: »

Morning Bettyboop! Just checking in to see how you are.

I'm the poster who you thought was making a joke about all of this a few pages ago but I honestly was not. It just seemed as though everything you were saying was coming straight from me. I've found out the truth from my husband about his affair... it all came to a head on Wednesday last week when I found out the woman my husband was seeing was the mother of his child - his ex! It makes this situation all the more harder to deal with! I took matters into my own hands and i've told her husband what has been going on with my husband... she's somehow talked her way out of it and now he thinks I'm a mental patient! Hahahaha! Maybe I am!

This isn't an easy time for either of us, but you know where I am if you need to talk! I've shown no emotion through this time, nothing, not even a tear! I wish I could cry so that he can see the raw pain I'm going through!

Keep strong sweetheart! Here's a little quote a friend has just sent me on Facebook... I hope it brings you the strength it has given me

One step backward: Doesn't mean your defeated.
It means you will take the same step forward again... but this time wiser...

Lots of love,
LTTF

Hi, I love the quote at the end. It's so true. I suppose we all deal with infidelity issues in a different way. Good for you telling the wench's husband what she was doing with your husband. Some people really are disgusting and as you know the state Iv'e been in these slags are the low life really. It is said that if a marriage falls apart because of adultry the man in question will never ever find anyone who would trust them like we did and that's not to mention how much in love we were with them... x

Fire_Fox

(((((hugs)))))

I am in pieces having had my OH confess to cheating on Saturday. I don't have children with him, so I suppose it's 'easy' but it doesn't feel that way. I have had the same thoughts as you - that I have done the laundry and washed the clothes he wore while f***king her, imagined him flirting with her at work the same way he did with me, texting her when he should have been me ...

I have only eaten a few bites, and only slept an hour or so each night. I am torturing myself with thoughts of them together. She rang him here on Friday night at 2am after he'd texted her (I've seen the text), and she knows he has (had) a girlfriend. I know they only spoke about work as I could hear his half of the conversation. I want to scratch her eyes out, I'm not mad at him for some silly reason just devastated.

I am so so sorry for you, we don't deserve this hell.

Bettyboop

Fire_Fox wrote: »

(((((hugs)))))

I am in pieces having had my OH confess to cheating on Saturday. I don't have children with him, so I suppose it's 'easy' but it doesn't feel that way. I have had the same thoughts as you - that I have done the laundry and washed the clothes he wore while f***king her, imagined him flirting with her at work the same way he did with me, texting her when he should have been me ...

I have only eaten a few bites, and only slept an hour or so each night. I am torturing myself with thoughts of them together. She rang him here on Friday night at 2am after he'd texted her (I've seen the text), and she knows he has (had) a girlfriend. I know they only spoke about work as I could hear his half of the conversation. I want to scratch her eyes out, I'm not mad at him for some silly reason just devastated.

I am so so sorry for you, we don't deserve this hell.

Fire fox, it's a week today since it all fell apart for me. I know how it feels... it's crap and the crying is like a tap that keeps running. I find it odd that the wench called him at 2am to discuss work... , could she not have waiting until morning? The thoughts are gross aren't they. These men of ours having cake and eating it and then we wash the clothes that was touched by another women. For me though the thoughts go further than that.... the bedroom everything. If I were to put them into perspective it's like walking into a terror field and being blown up with landmines... I know this all doesn't help and at least some of us on this thread can help each other out with support and advice. It's going to be long road. It is said that getting over something like this takes about 2 years!!! Something we did not do or even instigate. Sometimes I wonder what makes men tick! Because clearly half of them are born with no brain cells or heart for that matter. In my thoughts Fire Fox. It's okay to cry and he must see the raw pain he has caused you. Get it all out. Don't hide it. Until this last week my husband had never seen me off the rails....

Have a listen to this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VE0yUobk6TM&feature=related For some reason this helps me feel better.

All the best and keep posting. x

myothercarisaferrari

Hi girls, just want to pass on hugs for you all.

I just want to add, if there are children invovled, do what is best for you and them and please please do not stay with him when he promises he will change cos he won't.

My father cheated on my mother for most of their married before she finally saw sense when I was 17. I spent most of my childhood comforting my mother when he went missing, or when another woman called our house looking for him. She went into a severe depression when I was 16 and he stopped paying the mortgage. She didnt get out of bed for months on end and I was working two jobs plus doing my A levels to help pay the bills and mortgage. She finally snapped when it turned out it he had another baby with another woman.

He destroyed my childhood with his lies and cheating. If they do it once, they'll do it again,

Please please please don't stay with a cheater - you are worth so much more than that xx

(sorry for ranting)