Why have I suddenly started thinking about a past affair? Update!

Bettyboop

iamana1ias wrote: »

Where did I say I was single?

you are both responsible for your own happiness. If you aren't happy with what you have chosen (and it's entirely possible that your husband was unhappy with his lot) then he may very well have looked elsewhere. What was enough to make you feel rosy obviously wasn't enough for him. He told you he didn't know why he'd done it. That's certainly a lie designed to spare your feelings I'd say

You really don't sound like a very nice person. I mean you carry on and on about him looking elsewhere. Is that what has happened to you? Everyone has happiness but in a lot of peoples lives including mine it can go out the window. You are sounding more and more like you are justifying it. Affairs, cheating, adultery, infidelity cannot be justified! As I wife of someone who has done this the pain is devastation at this betrayal. You are trying your utmost to twist it to look like I made him do it.... some people! I did NO SUCH THING :mad:

iamana1ias

Bettyboop wrote: »

You really don't sound like a very nice person. I mean you carry on and on about him looking elsewhere. Is that what has happened to you? Everyone has happiness but in a lot of peoples lives including mine it can go out the window. You are sounding more and more like you are justifying it. Affairs, cheating, adultery, infidelity cannot be justified! As I wife of someone who has done this the pain is devastation at this betrayal. You are trying your utmost to twist it to look like I made him do it.... some people! I did NO SUCH THING :mad:

I'm not, I'm just putting another view across, that's all. I personally think it can often be justified (but then marriage is an unnatural concept to me) but understand that you don't and that you are hurting. I can see you don't want to analyse what's happened, so I'll leave you to find peace in your own way.

Bettyboop

iamana1ias wrote: »

I'm not, I'm just putting another view across, that's all. I personally think it can often be justified (but then marriage is an unnatural concept to me) but understand that you don't and that you are hurting. I can see you don't want to analyse what's happened, so I'll leave you to find peace in your own way.

Unnatural, how odd. How you are posting would make it seem you are the other women!

Bettyboop

Sorry for that comment iamama, I am obviously not thinking straight.

MissMitch

iamana1ias wrote: »

I'm sure I'm not! :rotfl:

Marriage is not a natural concept to humans (look how many cultures advocate polyamoury). I firmly believe that little girls are brainwashed into believing that it is this perfect situation to aim for when in fact it is often unachievable.

I'm a realist, I don't believe in the fantasy.

If you were really a realist you would realise that people are indiviuals, what suits you does not suit everyone, not all men are unfaithful, not all marriages are 'unnatural' and unhappy, not all polyamourous situations are happy or workable either...and you'd stop trying to give OP a hard time because she doesn't think or feel the same as you!

Yes we do have something of a 'cultural' problem in this country IF we believe that marriage should be seen in a very rigid, restricted way rather then acknowledging that people grow, change and evolve throughout their lives and a marriage should do so along with them. But reading through this post you seem to have the most rigid, restricted and frankly unrealistic views of marriage of all. The "happily ever after" marriage scenario you are referring to young girls being brainwashed into is a relatively modern concept, and generally unrealistic...anyone with half a brain knows that...but what you don't seem to understand is that people 'couple up' in evolutionary terms not just to procreate but to protect and nurture each other and their family because in doing so look they best look after themselves. Therefor they have to be able to have trust and respect for each other, and how the hell can you do this if you're going behind each others back all the time and lying, cheating, using and abusing each other? I agree wholeheartedly that you are responsible for your own happiness, but imo your own happiness is strongly tied in with treating your nearest and dearest with decency.

Open marriages and relationships suit many people, and personally I think that's cool, although I'm in the majority in not being emotionally equipped to deal with it myself...but you're missing the point that unless you both make the decision that is the way your relationship is going to be then somebody is going to get seriously hurt along the way. I recommend you just let them deal with that hurt rather then trying to force your own [STRIKE]ill researched and wildly generalised[/STRIKE] opinions on them. :kisses3:

LOUBY28

[QUOTE=i

If for example you nag him about housework, refuse him any freedom and make him do things he doesn't want to, he won't be happy. Do you see what I mean?

If I were married (and that's a very big if) I take any old 5hit just because I'd taken vows. If you have kids it might be hard to leave them, so I might look to have an affair instead. Yes, your husband has betrayed you by breaking the vow, but did you really think you were happy? If so, maybe he didn't.[/QUOTE]

I find this view just a little odd...if the OP'S OH did feel this way...and its an if, its still no excuse for his behaviour, he could have trierd to discuss the situation, told OP he was unhappy and left.

Better to sort problem or admit unsolverble and leave, than become a lieing cheat and hurt people.

Sometimes I find work a chore and feel undervalued...doesn't mean I can use it as an excuse to steal and spend company money on ASOS now does it!!

ailuro2

There are threads where I think some people just don't have their frontal lobes wired up right.:rolleyes:

Why else would they come into a thread like this to imply that 'other women' aren't to blame and men can't help themselves?

Here's an idea for that person - why can't the 'other woman' just find a single man of her own to sleep with instead of stealing someone else's??

Or just get a rampant rabbit, !!!!!!?:p

Bettyboop

ailuro2 wrote: »

There are threads where I think some people just don't have their frontal lobes wired up right.:rolleyes:

Why else would they come into a thread like this to imply that 'other women' aren't to blame and men can't help themselves?

Here's an idea for that person - why can't the 'other woman' just find a single man of her own to sleep with instead of stealing someone else's??

Or just get a rampant rabbit, !!!!!!?:p

The other women isn't to blame and also this poster insinuates that I literally gave my husband a written invitation to go and shag who he wanted.... my stomach is in my throat when I say that

rachiee

Didnt want to read and run, just wishing you the best of luck in the future!

Bettyboop

rachiee wrote: »

Didnt want to read and run, just wishing you the best of luck in the future!

Also hoping the future will be much better than this..