Why have I suddenly started thinking about a past affair? Update!

ailuro2

Bettyboop - the old excuse from women who always go with married men is they're commitment phobes themselves, and don't really feel they deserve to be loved 100% by someone, that is why they choose men who will not want a full time relationship.:rolleyes::rolleyes: I just think they're tarts with NO hearts. But, I do also agree your husband could have kept his zip up.No one forced him.



I hope you're feeling better today, and feel a little calmer inside. Here's something to give you a little smile.....

Two jokes from my friend who hasn't long split from her husband-

1/ how can you tell if a man's well hung? - you won't be able to run a finger round the inside of the rope on his neck.
2/ what's the best way to a man's heart? - upwards through his ribcage with a sharp implement.

I did suggest she needed to go to the gym and work off some of her anger.:D

Bettyboop

ailuro2 wrote: »

Bettyboop - the old excuse from women who always go with married men is they're commitment phobes themselves, and don't really feel they deserve to be loved 100% by someone, that is why they choose men who will not want a full time relationship.:rolleyes::rolleyes: I just think they're tarts with NO hearts. But, I do also agree your husband could have kept his zip up.No one forced him.



I hope you're feeling better today, and feel a little calmer inside. Here's something to give you a little smile.....

Two jokes from my friend who hasn't long split from her husband-

1/ how can you tell if a man's well hung? - you won't be able to run a finger round the inside of the rope on his neck.
2/ what's the best way to a man's heart? - upwards through his ribcage with a sharp implement.

I did suggest she needed to go to the gym and work off some of her anger.:D

Thank you ailuro, your friend sounds very brave and even though she is going through crap she still has jokes....

This week has been the worst in my life. I am starting to feel quite ill as I haven't been able to eat for almost 5 days now. My hair has starting falling out and well my eyes seem to have changed from green to some other colour I don't even know....

I know my husband broke our vows and of course he is mostly to blame. But that little (I wouldn't be right to swear on here) also had no conscience it would seem. I hate her with everything in me. Today I went into town and walking around I found myself comparing myself to every women that walked passed me at the same time wondering if one of them was her!!! As for my husband he is trying to be affectionate to me and tells me but I hearing it puts doubts in my mind....

Anyway before I give you all depression... I will end now.

maggied_2

I don't think expecting your huband to remain faithful means that your standards are *way too high*! What have her children got to do with this. Have you misunderstood the post?
Disappointment of a husband - he's cheated on his wife and broken (perhaps irreparrably) their bond as man and wife
Disappointment of a father - because what he's done might well blow their family unit apart and they'll lose their stable environment because of his actions.
If that's too much to ask for then I'm off to live in a cave on my own!

And honey - if you're believing crappy lines like that then you want to have a word with yourself. Women don't think about the wives because they don't want to. It's been shown time and again that attached men are more attractive to women - until they're lumbered with a bloke who's been booted out and lives for the weekends when he gets to see his kids.

Betty - been following this thread and I'm so sorry for you. Hang on in there and try to get some sleep and some food down you - easier said than done I know. Can you get away from hub for a while - stay with a friend or something just to get some perspective?
I completely understand your anger at the other woman - rage away! But don't forget it's him that's let you down.
(((gentle hugs)))

MissMitch

I understand what you're saying but I think it's a bit more important that humans have the power of rational thought, choice and the understanding of consequences. What we're biologically designed to do is a bit redundant really since we override our biological design day in day out if the action isn't appropriate for the circumstances. OP's husband would have understood the consequences of his actions and how much he would hurt his family but made the choice to put it all in jepody...other people (or even him in a different situation) might decide it's not worth the risk. I think 99% of 'sane' humans can keep even the most animal of instincts under control if they really want to. In fact, I think our emotions are probably much harder to control then our actions due to our biological makeup and since OP is feeling emotionally crushed I don't think she should be told that she's wrong to feel it because she should have different expectations.

Betty, I know this has knocked you for six but please try to take care of yourself, it sounds like it's taking a terrible toll on your health, and if experience has taught me one thing, it's that no relationship is worth losing your health over. x

Bettyboop

iamana1ias wrote: »

Or alternatively the OP's standards are way too high and couldn't have been achieved if he'd wanted to. While I am deeply troubled by the pain that the OP is clearly experiencing, I can't help but feel that it's going to happen again when her children grow up and have sex way before she wants them to etc.

The majority of women who have had/re having flings with married men don't even consider the wife because the men are feeding them cliched lines like "she doesn't understand me", "we've grown apart", "we're more like friends", "the marriage is dead but I'm hanging around for the kids". I've heard them all and believed them.

You have clearly misunderstood what's happened here. I will explain again. This has nothing to do with the consential age of sex please, really that thread has long died down - each person on this planet has a different perspective on it.

In simple terms we are married, he said vows and he broke them. How exactly? By going out of our marriage to sleep with a !!!!!!. We are in our late 20's and we are not 18 years old or 21! In our family unit is two little children. Beautiful lovely children. What any of this or what you have said has anything to do with standards I don't really know! In marriage you are together and that means you should not share yourself with someone else. Do you get what I'm trying to say?

looktothefuture

Hi Betty!
Just checking in and finding out how you are! I'm so sorry you're hurting as much as you are - I really am!

A very quick update on my story - I finally found out who this woman is and lo and behold, it's his ex (the mother of his son!) who is now re-married to a sweet lovely guy. He and I deserve a lot more than we've been given up until now and I couldn't stand back (once again) and let it happen. The say revenge is a dish rather served cold/a woman scorned.... blah - no I was just taking back the power I've allowed that evil woman to have in my life (she's made my life a living hell for the past 5 years and I've stood back and taken it from her!).

sending you a virtual hug!

Bettyboop

looktothefuture wrote: »

Hi Betty!
Just checking in and finding out how you are! I'm so sorry you're hurting as much as you are - I really am!

A very quick update on my story - I finally found out who this woman is and lo and behold, it's his ex (the mother of his son!) who is now re-married to a sweet lovely guy. He and I deserve a lot more than we've been given up until now and I couldn't stand back (once again) and let it happen. The say revenge is a dish rather served cold/a woman scorned.... blah - no I was just taking back the power I've allowed that evil woman to have in my life (she's made my life a living hell for the past 5 years and I've stood back and taken it from her!).

sending you a virtual hug!

Oh dear, I too really feel for you. Wouldn't it be nice to turn back time by a few years or so. We were really happy and I believed I married a man that would always be faithful to me. Realising now he had a double life etc... fills me with such hurt that it cannot be explained. All I can do now is turn to my faith and see how it goes from now on in...what I'm trying to say is that the decision is not entirely mine alone...

MissMitch

iamana1ias wrote: »

Always is a very big aspiration, especially in the 21st century

No disrepect, but I think it might be you that has very low expectations. Someone nagging you is no more a reason to go out and have an affair then someone being unfaithful is a reason to murder them and bury them under the patio!

Bettyboop

MissMitch wrote: »

No disrepect, but I think it might be you that has very low expectations. Someone nagging you is no more a reason to go out and have an affair then someone being unfaithful is a reason to murder them and bury them under the patio!

Thank you MissMatch, really in this day and age husbands, boyfriends or whatever help in the home... really what is this poster trying to say because I asked him to take the trash out it annoyed him and he started a fling.... ridiculous really. It's deeper than that and it's not about mundane things. I can see why the other poster is single!!!!

maggied_2

I think she must have low expectations......see above for "I've heard all those lines and believed them" comment earlier.

Clearly believes she's not good enough for a proper relationship where you have, y'know, expectations and mutual support. God help you if you don't make life perfect for your partner or he'll be off with the first bit of stuff (or her by the sounds of things) that comes along.

Pur-leeeeease!