Why have I suddenly started thinking about a past affair? Update!

Margaret52129

It is so easy to forgive, and almost impossible to forget.

Whatever happened or not, you obviously had a feeling something wasn't right. We women have our 'gut insticts' with anything to do with family, good or bad, and sometimes these insticts turn out to be true.

Only you know why you are thinking about the past - whether it's subconsciously or not, and there is only you can decide what's going on right now in your relationship.

Talking together is always good, but if the OH doesn't want to talk/discuss anything, then to my mind, that should ring a few alarm bells.

But good luck in what you decide to do, whether to ignore your feelings, or try to get your OH to talk.

Bettyboop

I updated this thread in the first entry ; Post 1

Mips

Didn;t want to read and run, but just hope you can stay strong and don't let his behaviour influence your mental health

Dancing_Shoes

So sorry to hear of your situation. Imho cheating is something very few people can really overcome. Take some time for yourself have a bit of solo counselling and see how you feel after that. You need to put yourself and the children first.

jay1jay

Only you can decide what you should do, and so I can't offer you any advice, but I can send you a big hug and I hope that whatever you decide to do, you will be able to move on from this. And things will get better for you, I'm sure!

(hug)

JJx

Bettyboop

Dippychick wrote: »

Didn;t want to read and run, but just hope you can stay strong and don't let his behaviour influence your mental health

That's what I tried to do but despite feeling sick in my gut and teary I can't seem to do anything in my house today....

cheepskate_2

Betty boop, I have been there and at times am still where you are.

My OH had an affair with person(cant really call her a lady as she acording to friends only went with married men) at work.
I found out and threw him out for 3.5 y.
What you are saying is nearly exact to what i went through and all the lies etc is the same, suppose if you start lying then it has to continue and probably most affairs pan out the same in terms of what they tell the wife.
Even tho i have a child and this person knew he was 6 at the time, she wanted DH to leave me on xmas eve(read it in her letter to DH), WHY i dont know maybe shows how trully awful a person she was that could do that to a child at that time.
I have my moments when it seems to rear its ugly little head and all the old feelings come back BUT i choose to take my husband back and realize for what reasons i did this, they havn't changed
I don't really know myself what brings the memories back, but it is a very trying time for all when they do.
I don't think it's a case of we have to divorce when these feelings come but just another hurdle we have to overcome as one would in any marraige.
Time does heal, but for some people , me included you can forgive but not totally forget.
You have to look at why you took him back in the first place and see (once you come out of this little blimp) if they reasons are still valid to keep your marraige alive.

P.S men dont seem to see conversation like us women do. We would talk about why , when,what all night while they have explained it to their satisfaction and there is notheing else to talk about.
I have never got to the bottom of everyting like you want either, but sometime some things are better left in the past and look to the future as that is the only thing that matters as you cant change the past but can change the future.
Hope you feel better soon.

moiramber

Bettyboop,

I'm so sorry for this situation, I am not going to try and give you any advice in this situation as I wouldn't know where to begin but i'm sure plenty others will be more usefull.

I truly hope things get better for you and you can work things out, have a dodgy hug :grouphug: xxxx

Bettyboop

moiramber wrote: »

Bettyboop,

I'm so sorry for this situation, I am not going to try and give you any advice in this situation as I wouldn't know where to begin but i'm sure plenty others will be more usefull.

I truly hope things get better for you and you can work things out, have a dodgy hug :grouphug: xxxx

thank you, I hope so aswell. Really hard taking care of kids today. They don't know why I am crying all the time. My 6 year old knows something is the matter but I can't tell her... let alone speak without trembling...

Bettyboop

Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »

He may be behaving in a way he did at the time of this transgression, and that has reminded you of it?

Realise now what it was. He took his wedding ring off a few weeks ago... I didn't ask where it was but I found it on a windowsill. Perhaps that was another invitation for another tramp to go with him I don't really know...