Why have I suddenly started thinking about a past affair? Update!

ailuro2

Maybe you didn't push the issue of them sleeping together back when you first found out because you suspected what the truth was, but could only allow yourself a maximum amount of hurt at one time.

Maybe now you've healed a bit your brain was telling you to find out the rest so one of those days it would ALL be behind you.?

If your marriage was in a better place and had recovered maybe your 'head' thought your 'heart' could cope with finding the rest out.

I hope you see what I mean - if your husband lied about to avoid a divorce, then maybe he hoped the marriage would get better too - they can recover from affairs, and there are plenth stories of couples becoming closer after one of them has strayed.

Once you've calmed down and are feeling less angry and betrayed you might sit down and talk through everything and see where you want to go from there. In the meantime go out and have some time to yourself, leave hubby to look after the kids while you go for a walk or go burn off some anger in the gym/swimming pool.

Good luck and best wishes to you - I know how much betrayal hurts, when you hope and pray that the one you love hasn't broken your heart but it turns out they have.

looktothefuture

This thread has just made me laugh... I caught my husband redhanded yesterday texting another woman on a new cheap pay as you go phone! I had him right there, in a panic and he lied to my face...! for 20 solid minutes he was saying "give me the phone" and I was saying "are you having an affair? Eventually I couldn't bear it any longer and gave him back the phone! I had my evidence, the lie was enough! The hardassed look he was giving me, the "I don't give a !!!! attitude" and the silence was all I needed to seal our fate!
At this present moment my wedding ring is back in it's box and I don't know if there will be a future!

Good luck!

Bettyboop

looktothefuture wrote: »

This thread has just made me laugh... I caught my husband redhanded yesterday texting another woman on a new cheap pay as you go phone! I had him right there, in a panic and he lied to my face...! for 20 solid minutes he was saying "give me the phone" and I was saying "are you having an affair? Eventually I couldn't bear it any longer and gave him back the phone! I had my evidence, the lie was enough! The hardassed look he was giving me, the "I don't give a !!!! attitude" and the silence was all I needed to seal our fate!
At this present moment my wedding ring is back in it's box and I don't know if there will be a future!

Good luck!

Are you being serious?? You really found this thread funny? If you really did experience the above I feel for you because it's not nice..

Stephb1986_2

I'm sorry Betty it makes me wonder sometimes why we bother with men at all. I hope your ok.

Sending you virtual love and hugs

Steph xx

looktothefuture

Bettyboop wrote: »

Are you being serious?? You really found this thread funny? If you really did experience the above I feel for you because it's not nice..

Yeah it's the first time I've laughed since yesterday! This story is a duplicate of my own! 2 years ago, I swore blind I'd never let him do it to me again! And here I am again!

i'm so sorry you've been hurt too!

Bettyboop

looktothefuture wrote: »

Yeah it's the first time I've laughed since yesterday!

I suppose we all find different things hilarious then!

jinky67

Bettyboop wrote: »

Are you being serious?? You really found this thread funny? If you really did experience the above I feel for you because it's not nice..

I think she was being ironic:cool:

I dont know what I would do in your exact situation, but I know exactly how you feel right now:o

Only you can decide whether it is worth fighting for, you need to make him talk about it all, honestly

looktothefuture

jinky67 wrote: »

I think she was being ironic:cool:

I was being ironic Betty.

It's the anger in me that doesn't make me sound sincere enough! I apologise if i sounded insincere but the similarities are startling and I couldn't help thinking "did I write that in my rage-filled daze last night?"

For what it's worth honey, we both need to take these wonderful peoples advice and sit down with our husbands and talk it through, don't we deserve that much? It's not alot and it'll hurt like hell but don't you think we need to know why they've brought our world crashing down around our ankles?

My marriage is worth saving, I love him and I don't doubt that you love your husband but this is a long tough journey we are both beginning - I'm here if you need anyone to talk to!

ailuro2

Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me.


I think some marriages will survive a first affair, but I don't know any women who could survive a second affair and still have their self esteem intact. I know I couldn't live with anyone who cheated on me a second time.

from my reading of these posts, the OP is struggling with wanting to go over old ground when she had thought things were sorted, lookingtothefuture, it sounds from the way you describe it in your post you have caught your husband having another affair.

Bettyboop

ailuro2 wrote: »

Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me.


I think some marriages will survive a first affair, but I don't know any women who could survive a second affair and still have their self esteem intact. I know I couldn't live with anyone who cheated on me a second time.

from my reading of these posts, the OP is struggling with wanting to go over old ground when she had thought things were sorted, lookingtothefuture, it sounds from the way you describe it in your post you have caught your husband having another affair.

auliro, you are spot on with the exact situation. When I find out by reading his mobile both of them denied that part of the two month affair as I know now did not surround sex! Like an idiot I believed them. We talked again lastnight and to describe a broken wormen is an understatement. The things that are going through my mind....

This is the 2nd affair I know about and he has promised that there hasn't been anyone else since her! I don't know what to believe anymore. He says that he really loves me and that we can get through this? When I ask how he doesn't know? I mean of all the things he did with this cow I will always feel compared to and very much inadequate. I have only ever done it with him. Unsual these days but it's the truth.... He on the other hand has been with 3 people including me that I know of so has experience but also makes me feel still not good enough.

He promised this wouldn't happen a 3rd time? If anyone reading this has also been a victim of this torture how much information did you want to know? As he says I am ripping my fingernails off one by one. He says he can't remember her name. He won't tell me which part of town she squatted in and how they actually came together. I know his work were involved in some way contractually with her company, he went there and that's how it started....

My face is swollen from the tears, my eyes are burning and my lips well I can't even feel them....