How long were you together before getting Engaged?

clarence83_2

amberlindsay wrote: »

To those who are still waiting; I hope I can make you feel better. I am 31 this year and have been with my boyfriend for nearly 13 years...and he's still not asked me (I also went through a phase of nagging him 'asking when', 'asking why haven't you' and friends nagging us etc). But I got to a point last year where I suddenly realised that it was more important to be with the one you love and so have accepted what will be will be - so as long as you've got the right partner; then don't fret too much; it will probably happen with time.

We are both really happy and have agreed that we are going to start for a family at the end of 2010; I've told him that I am a strong believer of marriage before kids - so I'm sure things will all fall into place, as I'm sure they will for other ladies in waiting!

Completely agree!!!!

Gavin83

Im really torn on this one. On the one hand I do believe that you should seek what you want from a relationship and if marriage is that important to you then you should end the relationship and find someone who is willing to get married. However, if it's this important then I can't see why the woman can't ask the man to get married.

On the other hand, I find it hard to accept ending an otherwise perfect relationship just because he hasn't asked you to marry him yet. I can understand why you'd end a relationship where the other partner doesn't want children as much as you, after all, it's a huge feeling that simply isn't going to go away. However, the same level of feeling doesn't exist with marriage, it's not a natural instinct.

However, if it's that important to you, and the idea of him proposing to you is equally as important, then you really need to let him know. Generally the idea of marriage is more important to women than men and he may not be aware of how important it is to you. You can't expect someone just to know these things, not everyone feels the same. My girlfriend has made it clear she wants to get married one day which is fair enough, I now know it's important to her.

Quick question though, what is it about marriage that's so important?

lexilex

Dinah93 wrote: »

Well as of today I can answer this question, been together 1 year 2 months, and he got down on one knee this afternoon. Hoping to get married next summer. Can't stop grinning!

Congrats!!

We've been together almost 4 years, and the conversation has never even been brought up!

Dinah93

If its important to you, you need to make sure he knows that, especially after so long. Both my OH and I come from fairly religious backgrounds, so the only way we could see ourselves having a family was if we were married, so he was never about to wait years and years to ask! Sometimes men just don't realise how important it is to their girlfriend if its not spelt out to them.

alipops1986

I agree Dinah!

My parents, although not necessarily religious, are from the "marriage before kids" way of life and would be disappointed if that wasn't to be. Also, i think this belief has rubbed off on me. If i'm good enough to give birth to kids then i should be good enough to marry, surely. [Not that i've had any children!! Just hypothetically speaking!!]

This i guess isn't helped by my notion, perhaps naively, of the fairytale that someone loves another enough to show the rest of your loved ones that is the case. I'm not in a hurry to get married, after all me and my boyfriend although we ave known each other 6years, and dated previously when i was 18, have only just got back together. Yet, his brother got married recently and this made me think, which is always a dangerous activity lol.

lucasmum

oh kinda proposed after just over a year, I say kinda because he openly told me he couldn't think of anything else to get me for my 18th birthday, like killing 2 birds with 1 stone! last of the romantics lol. We never really were worried about actually getting married, my parents had a really messy split and getting them in the same room is quite a scary thought.

But.... I turn 26 next month and we have now been together 9 yrs and 2 kids later I am starting to think it would be nice...... haven't quite told him that yet but maybe I can convince him. I quite like the idea of going on holiday and doing it then and telling everyone when we get back!

Gavin83

So the main census is that marriage is mostly important for starting a family? Therefore, if you don't plan on having children, does that make marriage less important?

I agree with the notion that it's better to have children while married than not. However, Im not planning on having children so maybe thats why I see marriage as of less importance than some others on this thread.

puddles

We got engaged after 3 months, got married 5 years later and have been married for 6 years this December. Together for 11 years with a 15 month old boy and still as happy as ever

Dilfred

All very fast for me.
We met at the begining of February this year
I proposed on bended knee in May
Planning to get married Mid June 2010, venues etc. already booked.
Also now have a baby on the way which coincedently was conceived about 1week before I proposed..... Strange but true.

Loving every second of it, everyone says it's too quick, but hmmm, it just feels right for us both.

COMMUNICATION is the key hee hee

Dinah93

Gavin83 wrote: »

So the main census is that marriage is mostly important for starting a family? Therefore, if you don't plan on having children, does that make marriage less important?

I agree with the notion that it's better to have children while married than not. However, Im not planning on having children so maybe thats why I see marriage as of less importance than some others on this thread.

I think if I didn't want to have children then I'd probably still want to get married just because it seems like a nice way of celebrating your relationship and the importance this person plays in your life. And the obvious financial and legal reasons for doing it. I want my OH to be my next of kin for example. But I wouldn't be bothered about doing it so early, in fact if I didn't want children I'd probably drag out the dating stage for several years, since there is no rush and once married, thats it really, no more big occassions.