MSE Parents Club Part 5

BrunoM

2.5kg = 5.5lb? 5.6kg = 12lb 2oz or so?
welcome Hedgehog! Good questions Millie's Mum, but you didn't ask for any pics!

mrs_moneyspinner

Hi all, can I join you - my kids are coming up for 11 and 15, the youngest who has adhd/aspergers (mild) has small room no telly (removed due to hyper behaviour) oldest has big room, telly, laptop. Household seems to have escalated out of control - have no idea what oldest does on laptop and have said must bring downstairs from now on as on facebook for hours and hours with telly on at same time isolating himself - I have decided to remove telly from bedrooom too. These kids seem to be angry with the whole world all the time so I am guessing we need to make bedrooms calm restful places and do the tv/laptop/xbox in the lounge where what they do is supervised. They fight a lot (literally) and it ends in 'groundings' which have no effect. I want to get them to respect not only us, their parents, but each other too. They are lovely boys and anyone outside our house would say they are polite and pleasant but indoors it is chaos with the same old arguments happening every day where the youngest launches playfight attacks on the oldest and they end up hurting each other. They are also very unwilling to help us (car wash, pick up clothes, make beds, etc requires days of nagging) Am I on the right track? don't want to be a meanie but we need some family values here. Anyone been there seen it and done it already?

SusanC_2

MadDogWoman wrote: »

I can't believe how quickly DD's speech is picking up a couple of weeks ago it was just a few 2 word phrases now we are getting new words every day and 3-4 word phrases, it's still a bit garbled and takes some working out but we're getting there.

Alice is like that too. We finally worked out today that "ungerser" is undershirt (from an American alphabet song on youtube - it's not a word which we use which is partly why it took so long to work out). She also uses "might be" a lot so she'll say things like, "Alice is hungry might be." or, "Mr Bump might be over there." I think she hasn't quite got the meaning yet so just uses it randomly.

Sami_Bee wrote: »

Susan - I hope Alice recovered ok

She did but only after OH agreed to sleep in her room. She said, "Daddy in the bed, Daddy sleep in that bed please."

Buttonmoons wrote: »

Do most 3 year olds know how to use a knife and fork? Because she doesnt really eat main meals we have never given her a knife, and don't actually have child sized ones She can use a fork though!!

We've always given Alice a knife and she loves to use cutlery but generally if she uses the knife, she uses it like a spoon so we still only giver the blunt baby ones. When I did teacher training, the teachers on my placements were always complaining that the reception children (so a year older than Keira) don't know how to use a knife and fork. Does she cut stuff up with her fork or do you cut it up for her? If she's already cutting things but with her knife, I wouldn't think it would take very long at all to learn and anyway a year is plenty time for her to get the hang if she starts having one now.

Random fact: Apparently twice as many forks are sold as knives so there are a lot of people using forks only.

Random fact 2: In the US (or at least in the Deep South) it is considered bad manners to use a knife unless you absolutely have to (like if you're eating steak).

SusanC_2

Welcome MrsMoneyspinner.

Maybe you could set up a simple rule system with chores and priveliges (sp?) so that they know what they are expected (e.g. make bed, put clothes in washbasket etc) and what they can expect if they meet the requirements. Perhaps certain jobs would be basic ones which are expected as standard and then additional ones could earn say extra rewards. Perhaps you could have a certain standard amount of time they're allowed to spend on computers/TV which they lose if they don't do the basic jobs and they can earn extra time if they do extra jobs?

All this is just ideas - obviously I don't know your children and how well this would work for your family but hopefully it might help you think of ideas.

Maybe with the playfighting your younger child is inadvertantly to rough (not realising that the older child is hurt as easily as he is) and hurts his older brother so then the older brother stras "proper" fighting because that is what the younger is doing? Maybe you could talk to them and set down some guidelines about playfighting? (e.g. stop if the other person says, don't deliberately hurt, no hitting in certain areas such as below the belt and the head)

Becles

Buttonmoons wrote: »

Do most 3 year olds know how to use a knife and fork? Because she doesnt really eat main meals we have never given her a knife, and don't actually have child sized ones She can use a fork though!!

I put a child size knife and fork out for Charlotte. We all eat together at the table and she can see other people using a knife and knows how to hold it, but she's not co-ordinated to cut with it yet. I cut everything up on her plate and she just uses the fork and sometimes uses the knife to push things onto her fork. She still uses half fingers and half cutlery when shes's eating though.

Hedgehog28 wrote: »

Hi, can I join in too please?

Of course! Nice to meet you and congrats on the birth of Hugh :beer:

mrs_moneyspinner wrote: »

Hi all, can I join you

Of course! Lovely to meet you.

I've got two boys who are 10 and 12, and they fight each other. We limit the time on electronics (includes tele, PC, games consoles etc). The time limit can vary so they can earn more time for being good, but lose time when they are naughty.

We've got ground rules and they must make their beds, put dirty washing in the laundry bin and stuff like that every day. They have a couple of jobs each - the 10 year old sets and clears the table for tea, and the eldest washes up. On a weekend they have to tidy, hoover and dust their bedrooms before they are allowed any electronics or playing out. Homework must be done before anything is allowed too, and I've just bought them a cork notice board each, so they can pin reminder notes, timetables and stuff on it to keep them more organised.

Choices and consequences is a good one to use. You give them two options and they are responsible for picking which one they want to follow. Eg: "stop fighting and behave and you can watch a film later, or keep fighting and you'll lose electronics for the rest of the day. It's up to you." You must follow through whatever actions you've picked though, and they must be realistic otherwise the bairns will see straight through it.

Hope that gives you some ideas to try

mrs_moneyspinner

thanks susanc i think you're right we need some kind of rule system - we have tried before but probably need to revisit this. Consistency is the key I think and we have only just this week determined a regular bedtime and meal time for everyone - you can see we have a long way to go here!

mrs_moneyspinner

thanks becles - yes we do the consequences thing and they take absolutely no notice - but that will be because I so often dont' carry through the forfeit. Your level of help/chores is exactly what we hope for and aspire to so really encouraging to see that somebody has got it working. feeling more positive already!

MadDogWoman_2

Sue - we had to work out what siggown was (sit down) she was getting very cross until clicked.

Welcome Hedgehog and Moneyspinner, I agree with the advice already given.

Probably won't have much time to post today - new car to collect, a cake to make for mum who has friends visiting and stuff to get ready for church tomorrow.

Hopefully I'll be able to chat later.

MDW

elle_gee

Morning all..

I think we all slept quite well last night.. I remember picking Rhys up and feeding him but I didn't look at the clock at all Don't feel too bad on it anyway.

Millie's_Mum wrote: »

Elle, don't you think the fairies are already fairly busy doing the post!

Noooo, different branch of the fairy network, the more closely related ones to here

My dad is coming over at some point today. I've told him not to after his stressful week at work but he said he wants to paint a wall to have something blank to look at for a change! Don't think he'll stay long cos he's at another work do tonight anyway.

More turning the house into a chinese laundry with OH's clothes awaits.. :rolleyes:

Hope everyone has a good day xx

Becles

mrs_moneyspinner wrote: »

t yes we do the consequences thing and they take absolutely no notice - but that will be because I so often dont' carry through the forfeit.

There's your problem! They're not stupid and they know exactly how to play you. If they know you'll not carry the action out, they'll just keep doing whatever you've asked them not to do.

I know it's really hard giving punishments, especially when you get the "it's so unfair...." rant back, but you need to be strong and consistent otherwise they'll walk all over you. *sending stay strong vibes*