MSE Parents Club Part 5

cazscoob

just thought id ask as i know i just wanted someone to say something rather than me admit it?? i could talk on here as noone is real lol and it was an escape. she has made a big step admitting how she is feeling etc and i think it would be good for her to speak to someone who is not involved. it can be easier to open up for some people but not everyone.

sorry for rambling but have you thought about a nursery for a day a week? just so that she has a day of escape and sometimes the break away makes you realise what you have when you see the smiling face when you go back to them lol!

Sami_Bee

elle_gee wrote: »

Ooohh.. pretty new bouncer - ...
We've got £65 in Mothercare vouchers which can't be spent online so I'm going to have to go into the store and ask them if they can order it in for me and do it that way

Printable 10% off voucher http://www.mothercare.com/b/120888031?extid=emc-2724
expires monday at midnight

weezl74 wrote: »

Hello

I've caught up now, so feel a bit more up on all the news.

Thanks again for all the hugs and support. I felt very important to you all, which meant a lot to me when I've felt in an unusually dark place! I've been looking after myself and have decided that I need to assist my emotional recovery with King Do ribs from the chinese (I've already had my dinner so this is shameless comfort eating!). I thought it was better to join in than to mope so here I am...

Too many things to comment on, but a few are:

Sami- great poo story ...
Love Weezl x

I try
You are super important to us

elle_gee wrote: »

Hmm, good point, thankyou Don't think it does, but to be honest Rhys spends a lot of time on the floor for tummy time and also has a swing (on loan from SIL) which has a play tray for once he's a little bit bigger too

Tia, do you know if there is a limit on bouncy chair use to prevent flat-head syndrome? Incidentially, meant to tell you, the consultant on Monday said his head was fine - not flat and still squishy (*shudder*) where it should be. Anyone else get freaked out by the squishy bits?

No more biscuits coming but there is Milka chocolate - I blame Sami, she mentioned it the other night

i think in general its a good idea to not have LO lay on anything that isn't soft for more than 1hr at a time if possible
I've just eaten a whole bar of Green & Blacks in my defense yet again today I have been pooed and sicked on by Edgar ( i think he's feeling a tad off colour )
I have had to hold back tears for about the 10th time in the last few days because Chris point blank refuses to speak to OH on the phone (thus breaking Hubby's heart )

I've just left Ed in the bouncer screaming full pelt for 5mins nothing I was doing helped so he had a little time out, all was forgiven and he snuggled into me as soon as I picked him up and now he's feeding/nodding off

Bruno short of slapping your OH in the hope it brings her out of her hysterics (which is probably a VERY bad idea lol) I don't know how to make her realise.
BUT I think you can look at coping strategies, I find OH is useless with crying but as I'm generally the one looking after LO's it doesn't matter as much. I cope by using the 5min method I got from some parenting mag. I comfort for 5mins then let them cry for 5 mins, comfort for 5mins etc as was the case to night it usually works 1st time with my boys but on bad days it could go on for an hour or so with Chris. I still do it with tantrums but startt withs ignoring for 5mins 1st then I try to calm him for 5.

BrunoM

cazscoob wrote: »

just thought id ask as i know i just wanted someone to say something rather than me admit it?? i could talk on here as noone is real lol and it was an escape. she has made a big step admitting how she is feeling etc and i think it would be good for her to speak to someone who is not involved. it can be easier to open up for some people but not everyone.

sorry for rambling but have you thought about a nursery for a day a week? just so that she has a day of escape and sometimes the break away makes you realise what you have when you see the smiling face when you go back to them lol!

Psychic lady! we were just talking about nursery or childminder for an afternoon each week. She has her own forums elsewhere, hopefully she is posting on them! Not sure if she'll talk to anyone real about it.

money_maker_3

OK, here we go, do you want to tell her what I did, as bed time was my biggest problem too.

We used to put her to bed at 8, but only started bedtime routine at 7.30 so it was rushed and paniked already. What I had to do was start a wind down with her earlier, so TV etc.. went off at 7pm, she got changed into jammies, came downstairs for supper / milk, kissesa dn cuddles and we went upstairs at 7.30 to do her teeth and get into bed for a story. Because I slowed it down and she had no running round time just before bed or the TV blaring in the background she was much easier settled and I was able to stay a lot calmer Also, being able to tell when she is getting angry and just walking out of the room for 2 mins and then going back in helps a lot.
Now I know we have started having problems with Jas sleep later again, but that was my fault for not sticking to the routine !!

It is not going to be a fix overnight, it will take time, but it is worth every second of that time to be able to feel in conrol of your emotions again.

cazscoob

sami dont make a big thing about the phone call play him at his own game and tell him daddy doesnt want to talk to him i bet he changes his mind asap lol! we have done this with abi before lol!(am still not in bed lol!)

My_Fathers_Daughter

elle_gee wrote: »

European Health.. something.. Card - new version of an E111 to get medical treatment abroad for free

ETA: Here - https://www.ehic.org.uk/Internet/home.do

Thanks sweetie!

Not sure if we are going in Europe or not ATM but will apply anyway. Thanks MacSmiler

BrunoM wrote: »

Sigh, such dramas in my house... OH just cannot handle it when Elijah fights sleep or doesn't follow his routine, etc. She just deeply truly feels he is fighting against us, deliberately being difficult, if we comfort him or are nice to him he has "won" and learned how to manipulate us, etc.

Aieeee. I have no idea how to change OH's attitude or help her be patient/not view it as a fight. All I have is talking (and adult comforting techniques! :beer:) which doesn't seem to be doing the job.

Bruno - I think your OH needs someone to talk to before you try and persuade her down the difficult route of professionals - does she have any friends here? I know she moved here to be with you but I am not sure how long ago etc and you have said that she is quite shy... Does she go to any booby clubs etc like we do?
Also, does she belong to any forum? I have been very lucky both with Benjamin and myself (IYSWIM - we can all be prone to issues) but at the same time I would have gone mad without being able to come and chat on here and air my problems/vent/rant/worry etc. Does your wife have a network of virtual support like you do?
And if not, would you be prepared to share yours? (I understand that that is a really tough question, I would say no if you asked that question about my OH )

I suggested that a girl joined an internet forum at Booby Club this afternoon. A few people looked at me like I was mad but TBH - who gets full on 24 hour a day support from anywhere else like they get from here??


And finally sometimes your OH is too close to the situation to REALLY talk to about it so don't be offended if she would rather talk to strangers than to you until she gets her head around it.


Tell me to piddle off if you want (but I am a wise woman ) and have double ((((((HUGS)))))) for both of you.

MFD xxx

money_maker wrote: »

but your OH sounds very much like I was when Jasmine was about Elijahs' age.

Thanks for being honest enough to share that MM.

(how american do I sound :rotfl:)
(no offence to Mrs Bruno )

cazscoob

BrunoM wrote: »

Psychic lady! we were just talking about nursery or childminder for an afternoon each week. She has her own forums elsewhere, hopefully she is posting on them! Not sure if she'll talk to anyone real about it.

basically im just telling you what i have needed etc lol! but a break away and also time for just you and her is also important! hope you get something sorted soon x

SusanC_2

BrunoM wrote: »

Sigh, such dramas in my house... OH just cannot handle it when Elijah fights sleep or doesn't follow his routine, etc. She just deeply truly feels he is fighting against us, deliberately being difficult, if we comfort him or are nice to him he has "won" and learned how to manipulate us, etc.

So not only does she not comfort him when he is crying and crying instead of sleeping, she gets angry about it, and ends up storming in and shouting at him and then going and crying herself, while he is in hysterics.

So much of this evening has been spent with tears and asking me for ideas how she can become more patient with him,

There can be loads of reasons why a baby (even one in a routine) can't/won't sleep or wakes up and can't settle again. Have you ever woken up in the middle of the night ravenously hungry for no apparent reason? Or thirsty or with indigestion or feeling sick or just not able to get back to sleep for no apparent reason? We (generally) don't cry about these things because usually we can fix the problem for ourselves or use words to ask someone else to help (so don't need to cry to attract the attention of someone else to fix it) and even if we can't fix it we understand what is going on so we don't get distressed about it the same way a baby does.

I think you mentioned hime waking up from a nap and not settling again? Alice has sometimes had phases of waking up in the middle of a nap for the toilet and if I took her to the toilet she would settle - perhaps a nappy change might be worth trying? Otherwise, personally if Alice woke up part way through the nap and is obviously not going to settle then I just got her up and if need be gave an extra nap later or put her to bed a bit earlier at bedtime. (These days I open the curtains and just have her play in her room by herself until "official" naptime is over as she's at the stage where she doesn't necessarily need that much sleep but I think it's good for her to have quiet time.)

Anyway, hope some of that might be helpful in some way - I know it can be frustrating when they won't sleep but they need too especially when you really need the break too.

Just thought of another suggestion: Is there anywhere out of earshot she can go? That way she could pop out of earshot for a few minutes just to get a break from listening to the crying as that could help her to be able to deal with it more easily.

Krystaltips

Sami, did your hubby clear enough space for your crib yet? Just looking at Caitlyn in hers, I don't think she'll be in it for much longer, her head's not far off the top... Wondered if you'd get chance to use yours yet...

money_maker_3

MFD, the only reason I can admit it now is that I got the help I needed and realised it wasnt my fault ! Thankfully I havent suffered PND this time, I am loving being a happy calm mummy