MSE Parents Club Part 5

cazscoob

oh the HV left us leaflets about this sort of thing Bruno it is called triple P parenting, i however did not get to read them as charlie ripped them or ate them when i went to the toilet! think he knew what they were and was scared lol!

http://www17.triplep.net/?pid=58

money_maker_3

Bruno, please don't take this the wrong way, but your OH sounds very much like I was when Jasmine was about Elijahs' age. I was coming to the end of PND and ended up with really bad mood swings that I seemed to always direct at the baby and didnt understand why I did it.

I spoke to a psycologist a couple of times about my temper and it really helped, but she has to admit that she has an anger problem, as I am ashamed to say I didnt utill after I slapped her one day, and then it hit me that I had lost control. Its a matter of avoiding the triggers, so if it is bedtime that is causing most of the problems, then she needs to try a new approach to it. Sub consciously she is getting her self worked up, expecting him to be difficult before he even s, and then he picks up on her uneasyness and then is unsettled.

Sorry if thats out of order, but it just sounds very much like me

BrunoM

money_maker wrote: »

Bruno, please don't take this the wrong way, but your OH sounds very much like I was when Jasmine was about Elijahs' age. I was coming to the end of PND and ended up with really bad mood swings that I seemed to always direct at the baby and didnt understand why I did it.

I spoke to a psycologist a couple of times about my temper and it really helped, but she has to admit that she has an anger problem, as I am ashamed to say I didnt utill after I slapped her one day, and then it hit me that I had lost control. Its a matter of avoiding the triggers, so if it is bedtime that is causing most of the problems, then she needs to try a new approach to it. Sub consciously she is getting her self worked up, expecting him to be difficult before he even s, and then he picks up on her uneasyness and then is unsettled.

Sorry if thats out of order, but it just sounds very much like me

Not out of order at all, think you're very likely right about it all (and she had borderline PND early on, has been ok-ish for months though). Trick will be getting her to believe it. Thanks!

MrsTinks

Just to share our success of the day...

Alexandra is asleep in her own bed... BUT she was put down awake about 5 minutes ago - we thought it was worth a go to see if she'd nod off on her own so tucked her in, both gave her a nussle and a kiss and plonked the dummy in her mouth and Raffi (still ever so slightly damp *sigh*) in her hands. We could hear her mumbling away for a bit and then getting quieter and quieter And she's now asleep! Yaaaay!

Right must dash... long drive (90+ minutes)

cazscoob

bruno do you have a HV you could talk to or get to come and speak to your OH? have you tried talking to her yourself? this might sound stupid but for weeks i wanted OH to notice that i had a problem, i knew myself and just wanted him to say something, anything. in my head i was screaming at him to notice and it wasnt until i broke down that he realised that there was anything wrong

MrsTinks

Just quickly - MM I think you might be spot on - I was trying to find a nice way of saying it but just couldn't...
Bruno I think maybe sitting down with her and explaining to her that she's not failing in any way shape or form, but she might have PND although she doesn't realise it...
I'd also make sure you don't mention anything about wanting more kids soon whilst she's feeling like this It's overwelming with 1 - imagine being faced with the prospect/threat of another and soonish? I'd freak and panic!

On the days when Alex screams blue murder I sometimes get to the point of wanting to scream, cry and slam doors... so I put her down somewhere safe and go somewhere else even if it's just for 5 minutes... So long as the sound is slightly muffled I seem to be able to calm enough to go back in 5 mins and smile at her and suddenly she's miles easier to deal with

money_maker_3

could you try scare tactics with her? Set up a video at bedtime and let her watch herself back. She if it shocks her into accepting her problem !!

BrunoM

cazscoob wrote: »

bruno do you have a HV you could talk to or get to come and speak to your OH? have you tried talking to her yourself? this might sound stupid but for weeks i wanted OH to notice that i had a problem, i knew myself and just wanted him to say something, anything. in my head i was screaming at him to notice and it wasnt until i broke down that he realised that there was anything wrong

Thanks Caz, as it happens was just talking to her about a HV this very sec. She really hates asking for help, and has a very low opinion of the medical profession generally since her mum died in her arms... but she has had some good and helpful HVs since he was born so it might be an option. I also have private family healthcare through work, not sure if they might be useful somehow, might find out.

I have talked to her myself definitely!, and this evening that's the topic of conversation she admits that while she hasn't slapped him she has found herself getting rough with him during bedtime battles and had to walk away... horrible for her, scary for me, and can't be good for Elijah... so doing nothing and hoping it gets better doesn't quite feel like an option.

Tine, I appreciate the advice and the kind words - it took her a while to admit she had PND around about 10-11 months ago but she eventually did agree that she did - but omg go get your mum! Don't be late for that!

BrunoM

money_maker wrote: »

could you try scare tactics with her? Set up a video at bedtime and let her watch herself back. She if it shocks her into accepting her problem !!

Eep! It's not that she doesn't know she is having problems I think MM; she doesn't know what to do about it because when it gets to that stage each day, she is still getting worked up and angry and stressed. Thanks for the scary idea though

scruffy96uk

Bruno Not sure what to say but (((((hugs))))) for you and OH. having children can be trying at times but I'm sure you'll both be dandy. I had days when El was younger when I knew she was sleepy but she fought it I use to feel myself getting annoyed I think we all ahve at times. i use to put her down somewhere safe and leave the room. She cried but she was ssafe, usually in her cot. Just gave me a few minutes to chill then return to comfort El. It actually would sometimes work to calm her down to as she was happy to see you abck in to get her. Hope that makes sense

ETA others have given more wise words, I really should read all the pages before replying lol