Relationship advice please

prowla

You took another man into your marital bed???
You should be bloody ashamed of yourself!
You've checked things out and now you know.
Leave it at that and don't do it again.
What an easy selfish life you have - stay at home, do some stuff for the kids, and moan that your husband doesn't do anything.

Barny1979

vodaphonesimcard wrote: »

I guess you describe our relationship as me being a paid maid

Maids don't normally sleep with random blokes

Glen0000

taxi97w wrote: »

No that's called doing what you think people expect of you. A certain route to misery.

Ok then. I would love to not have to work to provide for my family. Can you please tell me how to live without working? This would make me very happy.

Potential_Advisor

Good God, this is all getting a bit heated isn't it? OP? (Other poster i presume that means?) is in a tight spot. no I am not condoning what she has done, but I think she knows her 'interlude' with Bob the Builder wasn't going to help matter with her husband.

Vodaphonesimcard I would suggest that you sit down with your old man tonight and have a good chat, tell him that things need to change and now, tell him you love him but you are not happy, suggest a few ways he could help, even if its just to look after the children for a couple of hours whilst you go to evening classes or just for a walk. Show him that life can be a lot better for the whole family with a bit more give and take, it needn't cost a lot of money if any, walking is free, why don't you both go out for a walk? take the kids, let them play whilst you two have a chat?

The message is..talk! I wish to God I had during my previous r/ship because I still think it could have been saved. Your husband may not genuinely know how unhappy you are, if he does then you need to find out if he loves you enough to do something about it. If, after all that he is still reluctant to play ball then perhaps you might want to think about calling it a day.

But first, talk! Relationships, whether romantic or platonic, in marriage or out of it, need working at, I hope you sort things out for the best, just give it a go will you? and leave the builder alone, that won't help anyone, except him perhaps but thats his problem isn't it?

Barny1979

OP = Original Poster

shellsuit

I wasn't going to comment until i saw that you shagged him in your husband and yours bed.

I hope you washed the bedding afterwards and I hope the children were out of the house.

That's just the lowest of the low.

Potential_Advisor

shellsuit wrote: »

I wasn't going to comment until i saw that you shagged him in your husband and yours bed.

I hope you washed the bedding afterwards and I hope the children were out of the house.

That's just the lowest of the low.

I didnt see that bit...that is despicable, no wonder Paddysmum was so incensed...

Dinah93

End of the day yes you can love two people at once Taxi, but I think the very important part is everyone knows what the agreed rules are. You quote France as being an example of where mistresses are accepted, friend at uni is french, (came here for one term, lives there again now), she left her husband when she found out he's slept with someone else, and she believes the vast majority of her friends would nowadays too as they have developed respect for themselves. But even if your point was correct, it would be the accepted norm, while here we expect fidelity from our spouse unless an alternative arrangement has been agreed.

People are so incensed on this thread (and morals does not = religion, although most religious people have morals, but a lot of non-religious people do too) because the OP is almost bragging about the act, and has shown no appreciation at all for what her husband does do for her. No relationship is perfect, and yes, it sounds like a boring life without spark together, but that doesn't excuse the act. If your relationship isn't working, you need to take steps to fix it, or leave it and be happy elsewhere. Sleeping with the handyman is avoidance of the issue and solves nothing.

Caroline73_2

taxi97w wrote: »

It was once wrong to be married out of wedlock, now it isn't.

Married out of wedlock? Eh?

Zazen999

OP - your relationship sounds a bit George and Mildred if I may say so......perhaps you really do need to work out what you are going to do - but I would advise doing so without sleeping with anyone else as no matter what your hubby is still your hubby and if you want to end it, then end it.