Buddiebabe's SOA / Debt Diary

buddiebabe

ZTD wrote: »

To be frank: Bollox - I think you're coping excellently well.

Reading the rest of your post, you are doing the right things. Yes it hurts right now - hurts real bad, but you are coping very well. The gambling is excellent - the icing on the cake - so I can't see why you shouldn't give yourself a pat on the back and say "well done you". :T

Thanks

Maybe in a few days i'll be able to give myself a pat on the back but at the moment its taking everything i have to stop me from crawling into my bed and not getting up for a while.

I've been depressed before and it took me 6 months before i could function normally again and that feeling is rearing its head again... i can't let it... which is why i want to get something from the docs before i get to the point when i cant leave the house i cant allow him to ruin my life.

Seaxwyn

Hi buddie

Glad to hear you are bearing up - well done on the gambling and paying £690 towards your debts - WOW! That's a major achievement.

I hope you start to feel better soon. You are bound to feel low for a while after a blow like you've had but remember that time does heal and no matter how it feels you haven't really lost everything - you still have yourself and there's a world out there waiting for you when you're ready to face it.

cuppatea_2

I'm new to the site, but just wanted to say a quick 'hi'! Read your diary and find you very inspirational.
I'm also about £30,000 in debt (with nothing to show for it - how did that happen?!) and am trying to clear things - slowly but surely!
I so worry about things (don't we all?!) but seeing other folk get there heads down and get on it with clearing their debts is a great boost, and like I say very inspirational!

ZTD

buddiebabe wrote: »

Thanks

Maybe in a few days i'll be able to give myself a pat on the back but at the moment its taking everything i have to stop me from crawling into my bed and not getting up for a while.

I've been depressed before and it took me 6 months before i could function normally again and that feeling is rearing its head again... i can't let it... which is why i want to get something from the docs before i get to the point when i cant leave the house i cant allow him to ruin my life.

That's fine - do what's right for you. But saying "I'm not doing this well" or "I'm stupid" or "I can't leap tall buildings in a single bound" is not what is right for you. You need to accentuate what you are doing right - what you are doing well, and so far to seem to be losing the mass of positives behind the negatives.

You are inspiring people with what you are achieving. I just hope you're also inspiring yourself.

EagerLearner

ZTD is right - we are all inspired by you, that's why we drop in and see how you are and want you to do well - week by week you are achieving amazing things and have much more willpower than the rest of us - it's all down to your strength of mind even in face of adversity, I just don't think you see how strong you are.

Chin up and slowly the light at the end of the tunnel will seem like the outside, rather than an oncoming train x

joeblack066

Well done for the payments that you have made off your debt...........you're doing really well.!

buddiebabe

Thanks for all your kind words of support.

I mangaged work yesterday. I spent most of the day in tears and really didn't get any work done at all. I felt terrible all day, everytime anyone spoke to me i ended up in tears.

I went to the doctors last night and he wanted to sign me off work for a couple of weeks but i told him i didn't want that. He said he would give me some tablets to help calm me down but that i would need to take 3 days off my work to give them time to take effect. So im at home just now feeling very sleepy (it must be the tablets) as i spend 12 hours in bed last night I feel completely drained.

I've not heard anything from him (part of me wants him to try and explain not that he would be able to) but deep down i know its not going to happen and thats whats getting me down more than anything. Im used to getting phone calls and texts from him and now nothing.

It's just going to take time to adjust to not looking forward to every time my phone rings.

I have managed to sort through some things this morning. Cd's that he'd got me to buy for him which im in the process of listing on ebay... most of them are new and sealed so i've put buy it now prices on them.... i just hope someone bids on them i just want them out my sight and some money for them. Im going to keep the money from all this stuff seperate im not sure what to do with it yet. Open to any ideas????
I still can't face up to opening the wardrobe of clothes and all the wrapped xmas and birthday presents. I might tackle that once i've listed all the cd's which is going to take me some time ( i have a large box full of them )

Although i have managed to pay nearly £700 towards my debt this month the total of my debts will only have reduced by £367 but i suppose its better than nothing and it has reduced my debt free date to May 2014

Buddiebabe x

ZTD

buddiebabe wrote: »

I've not heard anything from him (part of me wants him to try and explain not that he would be able to)

Why do you want this?

buddiebabe wrote: »

but deep down i know its not going to happen and thats whats getting me down more than anything. Im used to getting phone calls and texts from him and now nothing.

It might be nothing - but at least it's a truthful nothing.

buddiebabe wrote: »

It's just going to take time to adjust to not looking forward to every time my phone rings.

Looking forward to lies and deceit?

I want you to answer this honestly. If he did come out with an explanation of his behaviour (even something like being held to ransom in some way) and asked for forgiveness, and said he'd leave her for you - would you take him back?

buddiebabe

ZTD wrote: »

I want you to answer this honestly. If he did come out with an explanation of his behaviour (even something like being held to ransom in some way) and asked for forgiveness, and said he'd leave her for you - would you take him back?

No i wouldn't take him back. I wouldn't believe a single word he said. I know its for the best in the long run i just don't understand... i just cant get my head around it.
I know im never going to find out why he did what he did. Why would someone do something like that to anyone??

ZTD

buddiebabe wrote: »

No i wouldn't take him back. I wouldn't believe a single word he said. I know its for the best in the long run i just don't understand... i just cant get my head around it.
I know im never going to find out why he did what he did. Why would someone do something like that to anyone??

An insurance policy. If things go sour in one bed - a straight leap into another.