Will council rehouse 16 year old if we throw him out?

savvy

gravitytolls wrote:

But you are aware, I know, that drug use is often as much out of the hands of teh user and certainly the family.

Well I would ask just who's hands IS it in then? We ourselves make the choices, when I took drugs, I made that choice at that time.....sure sometimes I was influenced by mates, but ultimately it was my decision.

chugalug

If you are young and get in with the wrong crowd, if you're angry and on self destruct, if you think no-one cares about you etc etc etc, how rational is the decision to take drugs? I'm not absolving anyone of their behaviour cos ultimately our behaviour is our responsibility just that we all make 'choices' when we're young and foolish that we perhaps we wouldnt make when we're older and wiser.

gravitytolls

Come on Savvy, you know that when you're in the grip of using and dealers who want you to continue to use, that you're out of control.
How many people do you know who spent years trying to escape it?
I know several, and every single one has done time, and ended up moving away from their family and friends, as it was the only way to escape.
But it takes a long time to even realise that's the road to salvation (or whatever your particular road is). With all difficulties, we often have to hit rock bottom before we begin to climb back up.

Anyhoo, thisis nothing to do with the OP. I just feel that instead of judging, we should be trying to help. We do indeed have different perspectives on all situations, depending on our own experiences, but we mustn't make assumptions about others.

The OP gives no background information, that's his choice. I suggest that instead of quoting his words, and passing comment, his question could be answered, or alternative suggestions could be made, if he wanted to access further help in the home, or we could even ask questions baout the background, to give more pertinent advice.

I apologise to anyone who may feel that I am doing exactly as I suggest others are; passing judgement. I am doubtless over sensitive to this topic, as we are struggling with our own crisis with a 16 yr old, and are worried sick.

savvy

gravitytolls wrote:

Anyhoo, thisis nothing to do with the OP. I just feel that instead of judging, we should be trying to help. We do indeed have different perspectives on all situations, depending on our own experiences, but we mustn't make assumptions about others.

The OP gives no background information, that's his choice. I suggest that instead of quoting his words, and passing comment, his question could be answered, or alternative suggestions could be made, if he wanted to access further help in the home, or we could even ask questions baout the background, to give more pertinent advice.

LOL well that was exactly what I was trying to do :rolleyes: (as with your own thread). I didn't particularly appreciate being told that I hadn't been helpful, when I spent a good deal of time on that post and was meant to be doing other things!

And I actually don't think I was judgemental in my post either, from his post, I don't know for sure that he hasn't tried every avenue, and I was trying to get him to see that We shall agree to disagree as I don't want all this to appear like one-upmanship, merely wanted to help out on a subject that I have experience in.

gravitytolls

You are helpful Savvy, and moreover, your support an dexcellent advice is much appreciated. I wasn't referring to you, but I did make a very generalised statement regarding some posts. This was simply because I didn't want to point the finger at individuals, as I'm quite certain that nobody posts in any forum to cause offence - but in writing, with no voice tone or facial expression, it's easy to misread a person's intention.

I have thanked you previously, your experiences have given you the oppurtunity to offer invaluable support to others in turmoil, and I hope you will continue to do so.

savvy

gravitytolls wrote:

I have thanked you previously, your experiences have given you the oppurtunity to offer invaluable support to others in turmoil, and I hope you will continue to do so.

LOL it's all I can do.......................I'm totally carp with money matters, and always miss the bargains and freebies! :rotfl:

Minxz

I find this a very interesting topi, as I am the mum of a teen boy and was in a similar situation last year.
he had steadily grown worse, didn't take drugs, but drank whenever he went ot, and was VERY violent towards me and his younger sister. I was a single mum(his dad hasn't seen him in 12 years.. which is the root of his problem) and all his anger was against me.
I had been seeing a man for about a year, and one day he was here, and my son was having a 'wobble'... one of his many times where he's shout abuse at me and threaten me. partner stepped in and told him to calm down, and son attacked my partner & me, and had to be removed from the house. It was very upsetting.
He stayed with his grandparents for3 weeks, and then came home, and I was pretty scared of him and his reactions- so tiptoed around him. We eventually managed t start talking, and all his upsets came to the surface.
Teens don't drink or take drugs without good reason, and sometimes it's a cry for attention.. like i feel my son was doing.
We had a lot of family mediation, and since then has changed a lot. he apologised to my partner, and they started to talk and get along. It wasn't the partner who upset him, just the fact I had someone in my life that meant he wasn't 'the man of the house' anymore.
I fell pregnant late last year, and was V worried aboutson's reaction- and he is very happy aboput it, especially as we know it's a little boy.Partner moved in in jan, and things have got even better as a family.
No more shouting matches, threats, violence... he's calmed down a lot as we both make the time to talk to him and spend time with him.. which even a 17 year old eeds.
All of the children(including your babies) are a family, and should not be classed as his n hers... that's one of the things that would upset hima lot I should imagine.
What I'm trying to say, is that there IS light at the end of the tunnel, with help from schools, doctor( I took son along for anger management.. maybe your's could be depressed?) and family, we have grown into a happy family again.
It's hard to acept a son who's not your own, and seems to only cause trouble, but maybe spending time chatting, alone, maybe take him for a game of pool or swimming etc, and having some quality time with him aswell as your babies would help.
I contemplated'throwing my son out' , but knew i couldnt do it as he is my son.. and always will be. many people go off the rails sometimes, and they need support... especially from their family. How does the boy's mum feel about all this? No doubt she feels torn in 2 between your wishes and her son.
Is therea a family member, like granny, who he confides in? they can be a great help!
Obviously you have to do whats right for the family... but the FAMILY.. not just the babies... you need to do whats right for the teen too. If he dgoes now, under these circumstances, how will he feel when he's older?
It's hard.. very hard.. I've been there... but it can work given time and understanding and help from other sources.

That boy needs a future... without parents to guide him and let him know he's wanted and loved, he will end up on far harder drugs than he is now, and possibly join the ever growing homeless population.

Murtle

Just thought of this site http://www.homelessnessact.org.uk/

you need to register to access some of the site, but it's free.

It gives lots of different advice especially as the forums are used by people all over the country and the homelessness act is managed differently in each area, ie if there is low demand for social housing it much more open for people, if there is high demand for housing and low supply then it starts getting harder.


There are also numerous links for a variety of site that can help in different locations.

x (big hugs)
M

gravitytolls

savvy wrote:

LOL it's all I can do.......................I'm totally carp with money matters, and always miss the bargains and freebies! :rotfl:

Me too, really i should be banned from MSE, cos I don't grab the bargains, and am still useless with my overdraft.

savvy

gravitytolls wrote:

Me too, really i should be banned from MSE, cos I don't grab the bargains, and am still useless with my overdraft.

LOL guess that's why we're all here though!